The recent events concerning Tiger Woods, John Terry, Ashley, Sautii Wanjala etc having been busted while cheating calls for a rethink in the way spouses handle extra ‘curricular’ marital affairs. From my interactions with my “boys and girls” and from my own I experience I have gathered a lot on how you can escape being caught if you are a perennial cheater. Here are some 7 habits of highly cheating spouses.
1. There is never a message in the mobile phone. All messages, both sent and received, are deleted as soon as they are read or sent. And no phone calls after 6.00 pm. In the house the phone is always in silent mode just in case…
2. Phone numbers of boyfriends or girl friends are never saved in the phone. Your spouse has memorized them and so when there is a message or phone call, the number does not register and should a funny message appear one can always call it a stray message.
3. Because your spouse is always on your mind ( most people who cheat, love their spouses very much!) you are likely to send her messages not meant for her. So whenever writing a message let it be general. Don’t write things like ‘hello sweetheart, how is London….etc. Rather say , Hi Sweetheart…How is that kaplace….. If it gets to your spouse and he/she is not in London, you are in serious sewage!.
4. Don’t take your extra-curricular affair outside the town you live. A misfortune can strike and you will live the rest of your life to regret it. Remember the true story of a man who escorted his wife to the airport to go to Dubai for some business. Two days later the husband was called to go and collect his wife who had drowned while swimming in a fancy hotel in the Rift Valley ( can’t remember which one). In fact take your ‘extra’ to the nearest hotel in the estate. S/he should not complain since this is a ‘pay as you eat’, a symbiotic relationship…
5. Be at home before 6.00 pm during weekdays to play with the kids and help in the homework. If possible cook for the family once in a while. Your spouse will think you are the best thing to have happened to him or her …just been dropped from heaven.
6. Your escapades should be during day time. Over the weekend join the boys for a drink. Take your spouse along once in a while. Let her know your best joints (not the ones you take your chakula ya kuongeza)
7. The same colognes your spouse uses should be the same your chakula ya kuongeza uses. Women can smell a new colgne thousands of miles away!!!

Any additions to safe our brothers and sisters...

...and if your spouse exhibits 3 or more of these habits, you need to launch an investigation!!!

Brav...T would like to document some of these things...I am sure it is going to be a bestseller...I do not think Steve Covey is that successful!!!

...All of these issues/habits were raised in a discussion I was part of...

I need to photo copy that and hang it in my bedroom.

@Njunge apparently I just made a printout pinned it in my office wall then thought Mama Bravlets might decide to pay me a visit then iwe ma'bo igine ya kuexprain.

@Magigi I concur wit you fully, killing a fellow man isnt an issue nowadays,but we still follow this dead guy to his grave and steal the place his supposed to lay in peace? after I decided to end my "watching the news strike" I decided to watch it jana's NTV, and article 1: 7 killed in kawangware blalba article 2: A don is killed in ruiru... Article three: the mama who "owns, or is it once owned" the embattled cemetry ground blabla. I turned to watch KissTV instead.

Double, no triple, make sure its YOURS first usiende ma mali ya wenyewe kwako

always use a taxi for these mipangos,the streets have eyes....if u have to use yours,make sure u have a dark tint to protect the identity of the un authorized passenger....

..i see a lot of experts here...but remember to wear Kondo-om and if you are caught you can toa that nonsense of even tiger,even clinton,even terry did it bla bla bla.....

If all this does not work and you get busted...deny, deny, deny..

Long ago a dude put the thingy in the pocket and went home.....He is sitting around the fire with the rest of the family and all of a sudden he feels like blowing his nose.....Weeeewee....Alikula kuni!!...

@Wa_ithaka,
.......paka mzee...??

Fundaah
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... Did you watch Mudavadi and Osiemo disowning each other... Magigi is Magigi and Pondi is Pondi... Where is the dude, by the way... Pondi, come out, recession is over!!!