This one is coming three days late but it made me laugh all the same.

One day to election night in the usa;

Mitt romney to his wife ; "Honey by this time tommorrow, you will be sleeping with the president of the USA."

a day after the elections; Mrs. Romney asks husband;

"Honey, is Barrack coming over or i have to go to whitehouse?"

C/P

A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whiskey then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "All right then" and the man leaves.

A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whiskey then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says "All right then" and the man leaves.

The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. He drinks the whiskey then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"

The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."

The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?"

The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says, "Secret Service!"

BAN OF PUBLIC SMOKING
After Public Smoking Was Banned In Kenya, Each Town Clerk Was Assigned The Duty Of Posting Notices In Kiswahili To That Effect.

See How Different Councils Posted Their Notice:-

The Mombasa Town Clerk Wrote:
Uvutaji Wa Sigara Umepigwa Marufuku Kuanzia Leo.Watakaopatikana Wakikiuka Amri Hii Wataadhibiwa Kwa Mujibu Wa Sheria.Nyote Zingatieni.

The Kiambu Town Clerk:
Wanyuanji Wa Thigara Washunge Sana. Unyuanji Wa Thigara Bere Ya Watu Hata Huko Ije Umefigwa Marufuku Na Kaju Kuanjia Reo.

The Machakos Town Clerk:
Wavulutanji Tusikala Wasunge Sana.Sasa Kuvuluta Tusikala Ni Maluvuku Na Kanzu Ya Masaku Itawasukulia Atua Kuvwa Sana.

The Kisumu Town Clerk:
Mifuto Sgara Adharani Sasa Omepigwa Marofuku.Okipaatwa, Ibiro Yie Kodiaga! Apana Furuta Plis!!

Wajir Town Clerk:
Habana Iko Buruta Sigara.Yeye Lishapigwa Marufuk Na Sisi Tagaamata Mutu B Hahala Yaghe Kiburuta.

Kericho Town Clerk:
Gutoga Leo Gugunywa Na Gufuruta Sigara Sisi Nagshagataasa. Haguna!! Charipu Wee Taona!!!

Kisii And Nyamira Town Clerk:
Akuna Kukunywa Sigara Hapa Ndani Na Inche Kuansia Reo.Mutakaobatikana Mutakura Kiboko Saa Hiyo Hiyo.Wote Munaombua Kujiatari Sana.


Other Councils Are Still Working On Theirs…

A Masai man on Saturday shocked passengers of a bus that was headed to Namanga from Arusha along the Namanga road when he stopped the bus to ask if anyone would lend him a matchbox.

The man who was taking care of his cows just close to the road stopped the bus that had a total of 50 passengers. The conductor, thinking that he was a potential customer instructed the bus driver to stop the bus to let the herder in.

The herder without even asking where the bus was headed stormed in almost hitting the conductor with his herding stick which was well belted on his waist.
...
What surprised or brought laughter however was when the Masai man started to ask for a match box from anyone who had it.

‘’Mimi naomba kusaidiwa na Kiberiti ili niwashe msokoto wangu niendelee kuvuta nikichunga ng’ombe zangu nani atansaidia mimi?’ I am asking for a matchbox to light up my weed so that I continue smoking as l look after my cows, anyone with a matchbox to lend me?’’

Everybody in the bus broke out to a rib cracking laughter including the driver who was forced to pull over. When he was asked if that was the only reason he stopped the bus, the herder said yes.

The conductor threw him out of the bus leaving him disgruntled as the bus moved on.