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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Hii Ujinga Lazima Ikome........ - Kumwagia plants Tusker eti una refresh their roots. -Kukatia dem kwa church hadi una offer kumlipia sadaka. -Kuenda media house kuomba kazi yakuosha vyombo vya habari. -Kupeleka slimpossible turkana. - Kuingia church after watu washatoa sadaka....shindwe - Kutaka kuenda Sunday school ya boarding. - Kuapply lipstick kwa forehead ati una make up mind yako! - Kudhani first born wa mama mboga anaitwa "mboga" - Kureduce volume ya radio ndo usome sms. - Kukataa kuosha kifua juu watu wanakuambia una roho safi - Kutaka kupiga passport photo na mabeste juu we ni mtu wa watu. - Kuingia ward ya wanawake waja wazito alafu unawagotea 'niaje wazito' - Kuskiza empty cd juu hupendi kelele - Kungojea jibu ukiambia mtu 'i love u'....kwani ni swali - Kushow Uhuru aende hague na national anthem inaxema natukae na uhuru
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 6/22/2015 Posts: 51 Location: Nairobi
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washiku wrote:A man is driving down the road 🚗and breaks down near a monastery⛪. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down.
Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner🍚🍲, even fix his car🔧🚗. As the man tries to fall asleep💤, he hears a strange sound💬.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk. The man is disappointed😞 but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way🚗.
Some years later, The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery⛪. The monks again accept him, feed him🍚🍲, even fix his car🔧🚗. That night, he hears the same strange noise 💬that he had heard years earlier. The next morning🌞, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you😶. You're not a monk. The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.😖
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk? The monks reply, You must travel the earth 🌍and tell us how many blades of grass 🌾there are and the exact number of sand pebbles🔎 When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task. Some 4⃣5⃣ years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery⛪. He says, I have traveled the earth🌍 and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass🌾 and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth🌏.
The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk😇. We shall now show you the way to the sound📡. The monks lead the man to a wooden door🚪 where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, Real funny. May I have the key🔑?
The monks give him the key🔑, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone🚪.
The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key🔑, and he opens it, only to find a door 🚪made of ruby.
He demands another key 🔑from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door🚪, this one made of sapphire,
So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
silver,
topaz,
and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key🔑 to the last door.
The man is relieved to know end🏁.
He unlocks the door🔓,
turns the knob,
and behind that door he is amazed 😳to find the source of that strange sound📡
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
☝😐😶But he can't tell you what it is because you're not
a monk
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂   A Theory of Everything.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 6/23/2014 Posts: 1,652
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 6/23/2014 Posts: 1,652
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,236 Location: Vacuum
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If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Aki bangi ni mbaya nimepatana mlevi akilia nikamuuliza mbona analia akaniambia ametumwa nyanya ya 10 na sukuma ya 10 na amepewa 10mbili. Hakumbuki ni gani ya nyanya na ni gani ya sukumaAki bangi ni mbaya nimepatana mlevi akilia nikamuuliza mbona analia akaniambia ametumwa nyanya ya 10 na sukuma ya 10 na amepewa 10mbili. Hakumbuki ni gani ya nyanya na ni gani ya sukuma
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/1/2009 Posts: 2,436
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Nimeenda kwa yule jamaa mwenye hua anauza vichwa vya mbuzi.
Nikamuuliza kama ako na kichwa mzuri?
Yani ile kofi ameniekelea ta ndio natoka kwa chief kureport
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. 1. Saturday = sports 2.Shopping is NOT a sport 3.Crying is blackmail. 4.Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT! 5.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days 6.If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us 7.Whenever possible please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 8.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we 9.ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit,We have no idea what mauve is. 10.If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. 11.Don t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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John came home late at night after a party. His wife yelled at him: "How would u feel if u don't see me for two days?" John couldn't believe his luck & said 'That would be great'! Monday passed & he didn't see her...... Tuesday & Wednesday passed too..... ...... .... ... .. . On Thursday John's swelling became better & now he could see her from the corner of one eye...!!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/25/2012 Posts: 4,105 Location: 08c
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Quote:Hello guys, kindly niambieni what are the requirements of starting a national park, juu nashuku nyumba yangu ni park... Sufuria ni simba, thermos ni kifaru, kiberiti ni rhino, kijiko ni kangaroo, mafuta ya kupika ni kasuku, ya kujipaka ni ng'ombe, sabuni ni kuku, unga ya chapati ni ndovu, ya ugali ni jogoo, na slippers ni bata........Nisaidieni. C&P Pesa Nane plans to be shilingi when he grows up.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/1/2009 Posts: 2,436
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Pesa Nane wrote:Quote:Hello guys, kindly niambieni what are the requirements of starting a national park, juu nashuku nyumba yangu ni park... Sufuria ni simba, thermos ni kifaru, kiberiti ni rhino, kijiko ni kangaroo, mafuta ya kupika ni kasuku, ya kujipaka ni ng'ombe, sabuni ni kuku, unga ya chapati ni ndovu, ya ugali ni jogoo, na slippers ni bata........Nisaidieni. C&P Na hubby ni fisi!
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/24/2012 Posts: 331 Location: Vantage point
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This one has been trending on FB and has wasted my evening juzi just reading those comments. Ati bees are romantic, ikifika kwa mkebe inaangalia asali na inasema, "Honey I'm hoooooome!" Alafu mwingine peana number ya simu ya nyuki tum text bomb ufala nayo...
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/2/2010 Posts: 480 Location: chokoo
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Intelligentsia wrote:Pesa Nane wrote:Quote:Hello guys, kindly niambieni what are the requirements of starting a national park, juu nashuku nyumba yangu ni park... Sufuria ni simba, thermos ni kifaru, kiberiti ni rhino, kijiko ni kangaroo, mafuta ya kupika ni kasuku, ya kujipaka ni ng'ombe, sabuni ni kuku, unga ya chapati ni ndovu, ya ugali ni jogoo, na slippers ni bata........Nisaidieni. C&P Na hubby ni fisi! @intell 
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,236 Location: Vacuum
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 If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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Meanwhile in kiambu Journalist : Are you the winner ? Waititu: : Yes I are
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,236 Location: Vacuum
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Wasichana msiringe sana juu kuna siku babako atakubadilisha na ng'ombe If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A handsome man went into a hotel and asked to see the boss. When the boss came, the story began. -The client: is room 39 vacant? -The boss: yes, sir. -The client: can I book it? -The boss: of course you can. -The client: thank you. Before going to the room, the client asked the boss to provide him with a black knife, a white thread 39 cm and an orange 73g. The boss agreed though he was surprized at the weird things the client asked to have. The client went into his room, he didn't ask for food or anything else. Unfortunately for the boss, his room was next to room 39. After midnight, the boss heard strange voices and noise in that client's room. Voices of wild animals and of utensils and dishes being thrown on the floor. The boss didn't sleep that night. He kept thinking and wondering what might be the source of the noise. In the morning, when the client handed the keys to the boss, the latter asked to see the room first. He went to the room and found everything alright. Nothing unusual. He even found the thread, the black knife and the orange on the table. The client paid the bill and gave the bellboys a very good tip and left the hotel smiling. The boss was in a shock but he didn't reveal what he heard to the bellboys. In fact, he started to doubt himself. After one year, the client showed up again. He asked to see the boss again. The boss was in a puzzle. The client asked the same things: room 39, black knife, white thread 39cm and an orange 73g. This time, the boss wanted to know the truth by all means possible. He spent a sleepless night, waiting for something to happen. After midnight, the same voices and noises started, this time louder and more indecipherable than the year before. Again, before leaving, the client paid his bill and left a large tip on the table for the bellboys. The smile didn't leave his face. The boss started searching for the meaning of everything the client asked to have. Why did he ask room 39? why the white thread? why the black knife??? In fact, the boss didn't arrive to any convincing answer to all these questions. The boss now was eagerly waiting for the month of March, the month in which the client showed up. To his surprise, on the first day of March, the same client showed up. He asked the same questions. Wanted to book the same room, wanted to have the same things as before. The boss again heard the same noises, this time more louder than before. In the morning, when the client was leaving the hotel, the boss apologized politely to the client and asked to know the secret behind the noises in the room. -''If I tell you the secret, do you promise to never reveal it to anyone else?'' -''I promise I will never let anyone know''. -''Swear'' -''I swear I won't reveal your secret'' So finally, the client revealed his secret to the boss. Unfortunately, the boss was a sincere person. Until now he hasn't revealed his secret to anyone. When he does, I will let you know...😂 😂 😂
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