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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Swenani wrote:Quote:washiku wrote:[quote=tycho]@alma, @washiku, what you've done so far, is to show us what the constitution says with regard to what the responsible citizen should do with regards to the body politic. That's good and acceptable but as I repeat again, that's not enough to promote a good life. The wrong man using the right way will surely botch things up.
I hope alma you know how to read, the bill of rights is about pre-political rights, and these rights come with a responsibility that can't be written in a constitution. It's when one knows and executes these responsibilities that he/she is capable of being a responsible citizen. And that's the only time offices in the body politic can be efficient. But because you mass men think this is a parable you can't understand you want the government to play your role, and it can't. And when told the truth you take offence. Hehehe...ati Mass men? Hiyo ni kumaanisha wanono ama?  How else would you define a Mass man? Is @Alma a Mass one? Who knows him physically?
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/9/2013 Posts: 285 Location: hapakule.
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c&p A wife comes home early, and finds her husband in their bedroom making love with a much younger woman. “You’re a disrespectful pig,” she cried. “How dare you do this to me, a faithful wife, the mother of your children. I’m leaving you. I want a divorce!” The husband replied “hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.” “Fine, go ahead,” she sobbed. “But they’re going to be the last words you ever say to me!” The husband began. “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed, and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put put on weight.” “The poor thing devoured them in seconds. Since she needed a good clean up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you had for a few years but don’t wear anymore because you say they are too tight.” “I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has the same pair.” The husband took a break before continuing. “She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?” Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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4lourBliss wrote:c&p
A wife comes home early, and finds her husband in their bedroom making love with a much younger woman.
“You’re a disrespectful pig,” she cried. “How dare you do this to me, a faithful wife, the mother of your children. I’m leaving you. I want a divorce!”
The husband replied “hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.”
“Fine, go ahead,” she sobbed. “But they’re going to be the last words you ever say to me!”
The husband began. “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed, and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put put on weight.”
“The poor thing devoured them in seconds. Since she needed a good clean up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you had for a few years but don’t wear anymore because you say they are too tight.”
“I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has the same pair.”
The husband took a break before continuing. “She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”
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Rank: Elder Joined: 8/4/2008 Posts: 2,849 Location: Rupi
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washiku wrote:4lourBliss wrote:c&p
A wife comes home early, and finds her husband in their bedroom making love with a much younger woman.
“You’re a disrespectful pig,” she cried. “How dare you do this to me, a faithful wife, the mother of your children. I’m leaving you. I want a divorce!”
The husband replied “hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.”
“Fine, go ahead,” she sobbed. “But they’re going to be the last words you ever say to me!”
The husband began. “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed, and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put put on weight.”
“The poor thing devoured them in seconds. Since she needed a good clean up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you had for a few years but don’t wear anymore because you say they are too tight.”
“I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has the same pair.”
The husband took a break before continuing. “She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”
 Lord, thank you!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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Quote:I'm in an abusive relationship. Before you give me your advice, please note that leaving him is not an option.
He slaps, kicks, pinches and bites; sometimes in public too. How can I change him? He's 1.5years. TIA
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/10/2008 Posts: 9,131 Location: Kanjo
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2009 Posts: 2,375
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C&P THIS ONE IS A KILLER!!! Three tortoises, Mike, Bob and Mark, decide to go on a picnic. Bob packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away So, it takes them 10 days to get there. When they get there Bob unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Mike give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Mike.. "I thought you packed it" Bob gets worried, He turns to Mark, "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally Mark didn't bring it. So they're stuck 10 miles from home without a bottle opener. Bob and Mark beg Mike to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.. After 2 hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Mike sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still isn't back & Bob and Mark are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Mike pops up from behind a rock and shouts, "I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT GOING"!!!. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt...
-Mark Twain
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 12/1/2008 Posts: 1,098
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bkismat wrote:C&P
THIS ONE IS A KILLER!!!
Three tortoises,
Mike, Bob and Mark,
decide to go on a picnic.
Bob packs the picnic
basket with beer and
sandwiches.
The trouble is that the
picnic site is ten miles
away So, it takes them
10 days to get there.
When they get there
Bob unpacks the food
and beer.
"Ok Mike give me the
bottle opener" "I didn't
bring it" says Mike..
"I thought you packed
it" Bob gets worried, He
turns to Mark, "Did you
bring the bottle
opener?" Naturally Mark
didn't bring it.
So they're stuck 10
miles from home
without a bottle
opener.
Bob and Mark beg Mike
to go back for it.
But he refuses as he
says they will eat all
the sandwiches..
After 2 hours, and
after they have sworn
on their tortoise lives
that they will not eat
the sandwiches, he
finally agrees.
So Mike sets off down
the road at a steady
pace.
20 days pass and he
still isn't back & Bob and
Mark are starving, but a
promise is a promise.
Another 5 days and he
still isn't back, but a
promise is a promise.
Finally they can't take it
any longer so they take
out a sandwich each,
and just as they are
about to eat it, Mike
pops up from behind a
rock and shouts,
"I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT
GOING"!!!.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Jump-steady wrote:bkismat wrote:C&P
THIS ONE IS A KILLER!!!
Three tortoises,
Mike, Bob and Mark,
decide to go on a picnic.
Bob packs the picnic
basket with beer and
sandwiches.
The trouble is that the
picnic site is ten miles
away So, it takes them
10 days to get there.
When they get there
Bob unpacks the food
and beer.
"Ok Mike give me the
bottle opener" "I didn't
bring it" says Mike..
"I thought you packed
it" Bob gets worried, He
turns to Mark, "Did you
bring the bottle
opener?" Naturally Mark
didn't bring it.
So they're stuck 10
miles from home
without a bottle
opener.
Bob and Mark beg Mike
to go back for it.
But he refuses as he
says they will eat all
the sandwiches..
After 2 hours, and
after they have sworn
on their tortoise lives
that they will not eat
the sandwiches, he
finally agrees.
So Mike sets off down
the road at a steady
pace.
20 days pass and he
still isn't back & Bob and
Mark are starving, but a
promise is a promise.
Another 5 days and he
still isn't back, but a
promise is a promise.
Finally they can't take it
any longer so they take
out a sandwich each,
and just as they are
about to eat it, Mike
pops up from behind a
rock and shouts,
"I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT
GOING"!!!. Mike Kajinga
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote:Jump-steady wrote:bkismat wrote:C&P
THIS ONE IS A KILLER!!!
Three tortoises,Mike, Bob and Mark,decide to go on a picnic. Bob packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the
picnic site is ten miles away So, it takes them
10 days to get there. When they get there Bob unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Mike, give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Mike.. "I thought you packed it." Bob gets worried, He turns to Mark, "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally, Mark didn't bring it.
So they're stuck 10 miles from home without a bottle opener. Bob and Mark beg Mike to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches...After 2 hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.
So Mike sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still isn't back & Bob and
Mark are starving, but a promise is a promise.
Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a
promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it
any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Mike pops up from behind a rock and shouts, "I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT GOING"!!!. Mike Kajinga  Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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Rankaz13 wrote:washiku wrote:Jump-steady wrote:bkismat wrote:C&P
THIS ONE IS A KILLER!!!
Three tortoises,Mike, Bob and Mark,decide to go on a picnic. Bob packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the
picnic site is ten miles away So, it takes them
10 days to get there. When they get there Bob unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Mike, give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Mike.. "I thought you packed it." Bob gets worried, He turns to Mark, "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally, Mark didn't bring it.
So they're stuck 10 miles from home without a bottle opener. Bob and Mark beg Mike to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches...After 2 hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.
So Mike sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still isn't back & Bob and
Mark are starving, but a promise is a promise.
Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a
promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it
any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Mike pops up from behind a rock and shouts, "I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT GOING"!!!. Mike Kajinga Luckily there is no one on wazua with this handle @mike Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Rank: User Joined: 9/6/2013 Posts: 1,446 Location: In a house
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If you have watched the Indian movie 3 idiots, there is something close to that.
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota." The manager was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down to the sales floor to check on how the kid did on his first day. "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The manager replies, "Just one?!!? Our employees average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change and soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son." The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes. The manager felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?" The kid looks up at his manager and says "$101,237.65". The manager, astonished, says, "$141,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat. We went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a 4x4 Ford Expedition." The manager said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I told him, 'Dude, your weekend's boring, you should go fishing. The way I am
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,236 Location: Vacuum
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marex wrote:A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
The manager was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down to the sales floor to check on how the kid did on his first day. "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The manager replies, "Just one?!!? Our employees average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change and soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son." The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes.
The manager felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?" The kid looks up at his manager and says "$101,237.65". The manager, astonished, says, "$141,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat. We went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a 4x4 Ford Expedition."
The manager said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I told him, 'Dude, your weekend's boring, you should go fishing. If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Swenani wrote:marex wrote:A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
The manager was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down to the sales floor to check on how the kid did on his first day. "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The manager replies, "Just one?!!? Our employees average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change and soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son." The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes.
The manager felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?" The kid looks up at his manager and says "$101,237.65". The manager, astonished, says, "$141,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat. We went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a 4x4 Ford Expedition."
The manager said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I told him, 'Dude, your weekend's boring, you should go fishing. Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rankaz13 wrote:Swenani wrote:marex wrote:A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
The manager was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down to the sales floor to check on how the kid did on his first day. "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The manager replies, "Just one?!!? Our employees average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change and soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son." The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes.
The manager felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?" The kid looks up at his manager and says "$101,237.65". The manager, astonished, says, "$141,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat. We went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a 4x4 Ford Expedition."
The manager said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I told him, 'Dude, your weekend's boring, you should go fishing. 
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/27/2014 Posts: 454 Location: Republic of Enchantment.
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washiku wrote:Rankaz13 wrote:Swenani wrote:marex wrote:A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
The manager was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down to the sales floor to check on how the kid did on his first day. "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The manager replies, "Just one?!!? Our employees average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change and soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son." The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes.
The manager felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?" The kid looks up at his manager and says "$101,237.65". The manager, astonished, says, "$141,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat. We went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a 4x4 Ford Expedition."
The manager said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I told him, 'Dude, your weekend's boring, you should go fishing. Hope the guy got the ''fish'' . Divers - can you laugh in scuba gear, or will you drown? I was wondering. - James May.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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