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Just for laughs...corner
Boris Boyka
#2601 Posted : Thursday, October 30, 2014 9:25:07 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/15/2013
Posts: 1,977
Location: Here
A man forgets to zip up his trousers , so a lady
tells him politely, sir ur garage is open. The
man gave her a naughty smile as he zips up
and asks, Did u see my BLACK RANGE ROVER
SPORT parked inside? . The lady smiles back
and says no just one small Toyota vitz with
two Flat tyres.
Everybody STEALS, a THIEF is one who's CAUGHT stealing something of LITTLE VALUE. !!!
McReggae
#2602 Posted : Monday, November 03, 2014 12:00:46 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 6/17/2008
Posts: 23,365
Location: Nairobi

KCSE 2014 LEAGAGE

1. A Gor fan has a Stone weighing 1kg & wants to hit a Vitz which is
50metres away.


Calculate the Force he will use and the angle of inclination so as to
damage the windscreen Completly...
(15 mks)

2. Calculate the Speed of a Lady running to an M-pesa Agent after
receiving Money from an Unknown
number..(25 mks)

3. Classify the Rocks used by Waititu en Gor Fans;-
a) metamorphic
b) volcanic
c) sedimentary(15 mks)

MATHEMATICS

11 men from Manchester Utd can demolish Arsenal 8 times in 90 mins without being favoured by the referee; calculate how much Messi from Barcelona alone can demolish Arsenal in the same time.
Use formulae (1 Man U=3 Messis) (5mks)

ENGLISH (comprehension)

The following conversation takes
place at Koinange Street at around 8:00 in the evening

CUSTOMER : Unauzaje?
SELLER : Inategemea.
CUSTOMER : Nini
SELLER : Unakulia hapa ama utafungiwa....
Q1. What is the customer buying.

Q2. Do you think it is cheaper to eat there, or take away
(17 Marks)

The following was a poem by PLO Lumumba
“...In Kenya's job market, it’s about
the technical know WHO, it’s not about technical know HOW.....”

a) Why didn't he make it to the national drama festival finals?
b) How many wrinkles were on Lumumba's forehead as he said the
last line?
c) Explain the role of the poem in fighting corruption..
D) Why did he use plain English in this poem instead of his popular
jargon?
(20 marks)

Art & CRAFT

You have been provided with a lorry.
1. Show that you can make a VITZ from the lorry without reducing the lorry at all.
2.Now use the Vitz to make a tuktuk.
(5 mrks)

KISWAHILI PAPER 1

...Wiper,ODM Kenya... Wiper.. Raila huku, Kibaki kule alafu nitapita
katikati yao..Wiper..ti hi hi hi hi

A. Nani alinena maneno haya? (2mks)
B.Nani alifaulu kupita katikati ya wenzake? (2mks)
C.Kucheka kwa msemaji
kunatokanana na ulevi ama kuchizi? (2 mks)

SOCIAL ETHICS

Bearing in mind that you are Kenyan, what do you do when you see a fallen oil tanker?

A) Run away and come back with a jerrycan
B) Call your family to make some quick money
C) Steal the battery
D) Light a cigarette
( 20mrks )
..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
Rankaz13
#2603 Posted : Monday, November 03, 2014 8:43:29 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 5/21/2013
Posts: 2,841
Location: Here
McReggae wrote:

KCSE 2014 LEAGAGE

1. A Gor fan has a Stone weighing 1kg & wants to hit a Vitz which is
50metres away.


Calculate the Force he will use and the angle of inclination so as to
damage the windscreen Completly...
(15 mks)

2. Calculate the Speed of a Lady running to an M-pesa Agent after
receiving Money from an Unknown
number..(25 mks)

3. Classify the Rocks used by Waititu en Gor Fans;-
a) metamorphic
b) volcanic
c) sedimentary(15 mks)

MATHEMATICS

11 men from Manchester Utd can demolish Arsenal 8 times in 90 mins without being favoured by the referee; calculate how much Messi from Barcelona alone can demolish Arsenal in the same time.
Use formulae (1 Man U=3 Messis) (5mks)

ENGLISH (comprehension)

The following conversation takes
place at Koinange Street at around 8:00 in the evening

CUSTOMER : Unauzaje?
SELLER : Inategemea.
CUSTOMER : Nini
SELLER : Unakulia hapa ama utafungiwa....
Q1. What is the customer buying.

Q2. Do you think it is cheaper to eat there, or take away
(17 Marks)

The following was a poem by PLO Lumumba
“...In Kenya's job market, it’s about
the technical know WHO, it’s not about technical know HOW.....”

a) Why didn't he make it to the national drama festival finals?
b) How many wrinkles were on Lumumba's forehead as he said the
last line?
c) Explain the role of the poem in fighting corruption..
D) Why did he use plain English in this poem instead of his popular
jargon?
(20 marks)

Art & CRAFT

You have been provided with a lorry.
1. Show that you can make a VITZ from the lorry without reducing the lorry at all.
2.Now use the Vitz to make a tuktuk.
(5 mrks)

KISWAHILI PAPER 1

...Wiper,ODM Kenya... Wiper.. Raila huku, Kibaki kule alafu nitapita
katikati yao..Wiper..ti hi hi hi hi

A. Nani alinena maneno haya? (2mks)
B.Nani alifaulu kupita katikati ya wenzake? (2mks)
C.Kucheka kwa msemaji
kunatokanana na ulevi ama kuchizi? (2 mks)

SOCIAL ETHICS

Bearing in mind that you are Kenyan, what do you do when you see a fallen oil tanker?

A) Run away and come back with a jerrycan
B) Call your family to make some quick money
C) Steal the battery
D) Light a cigarette
( 20mrks )


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
kysse
#2604 Posted : Monday, November 03, 2014 9:48:44 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 1/17/2013
Posts: 4,693
Location: Earth
Today,I saw 2 dudes greet each other loudly like this;pardon my lang,

man 1: Wi muguruki uyu!
man 2: Wi mumamaraya maya, wi!
man 1: nugu ino urathie ku
man 2: smiled and waved at him.

..just couldnt believe it.


washiku
#2605 Posted : Tuesday, November 04, 2014 12:40:42 PM
Rank: Chief


Joined: 5/9/2007
Posts: 13,095
What Kenyan parents tell their daughters:
Age 13: Avoid boys. They're evil.
Age 18: I don't want to see you with that boy ever again.
Age 23: Aiiiii.... When are we meeting your boyfriend?
Age 26: Your friends are getting married.
Age 30: We have told you to stop being very choosy, but you never listen.
Age 33: There is a powerful man of God in Machackos. He could pray for you. Or you could go to Katoloni.
Age 36: At least pata mtoto mmoja.
Age 39: We will take care of all the wedding bills... Yeyote ni sawa.
Age 45: Aki ni nani alikuroga!
geofreygachie
#2606 Posted : Tuesday, November 04, 2014 1:46:37 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 2/27/2014
Posts: 454
Location: Republic of Enchantment.
washiku wrote:
What Kenyan parents tell their daughters:
Age 13: Avoid boys. They're evil.
Age 18: I don't want to see you with that boy ever again.
Age 23: Aiiiii.... When are we meeting your boyfriend?
Age 26: Your friends are getting married.
Age 30: We have told you to stop being very choosy, but you never listen.
Age 33: There is a powerful man of God in Machackos. He could pray for you. Or you could go to Katoloni.
Age 36: At least pata mtoto mmoja.
Age 39: We will take care of all the wedding bills... Yeyote ni sawa.
Age 45: Aki ni nani alikuroga!


Perfect summary Applause
Divers - can you laugh in scuba gear, or will you drown? I was wondering. - James May.
Rankaz13
#2607 Posted : Tuesday, November 04, 2014 6:47:26 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 5/21/2013
Posts: 2,841
Location: Here
geofreygachie wrote:
washiku wrote:
What Kenyan parents tell their daughters:
Age 13: Avoid boys. They're evil.
Age 18: I don't want to see you with that boy ever again.
Age 23: Aiiiii.... When are we meeting your boyfriend?
Age 26: Your friends are getting married.
Age 30: We have told you to stop being very choosy, but you never listen.
Age 33: There is a powerful man of God in Machackos. He could pray for you. Or you could go to Katoloni.
Age 36: At least pata mtoto mmoja.
Age 39: We will take care of all the wedding bills... Yeyote ni sawa.
Age 45: Aki ni nani alikuroga!


Perfect summary Applause


Agreed, perfect summary. Applause Applause
Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
washiku
#2608 Posted : Wednesday, November 05, 2014 9:03:29 AM
Rank: Chief


Joined: 5/9/2007
Posts: 13,095
geofreygachie
#2609 Posted : Wednesday, November 05, 2014 11:00:24 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 2/27/2014
Posts: 454
Location: Republic of Enchantment.
washiku wrote:


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
Divers - can you laugh in scuba gear, or will you drown? I was wondering. - James May.
4lourBliss
#2610 Posted : Wednesday, November 05, 2014 3:20:40 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 5/9/2013
Posts: 285
Location: hapakule.
geofreygachie wrote:
washiku wrote:


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly

A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. "Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair that you should know five things.
Number One. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
Number Two. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
Number Three. I'm a six-foot-tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
Number Four. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
Number Five. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
She concludes by smugly asking, "Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five f*cking times.
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
Rankaz13
#2611 Posted : Wednesday, November 05, 2014 9:28:06 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 5/21/2013
Posts: 2,841
Location: Here
4lourBliss wrote:
geofreygachie wrote:
washiku wrote:


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly

A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. "Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair that you should know five things.
Number One. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
Number Two. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
Number Three. I'm a six-foot-tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
Number Four. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
Number Five. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
She concludes by smugly asking, "Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five f*cking times.


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
washiku
#2612 Posted : Thursday, November 06, 2014 9:12:55 AM
Rank: Chief


Joined: 5/9/2007
Posts: 13,095
kysse
#2613 Posted : Saturday, November 08, 2014 7:48:34 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 1/17/2013
Posts: 4,693
Location: Earth
A man with an AK47 ran into a church and pointed the gun at the congregation saying,"who is a child of GOD here?! Let me send him or her to heaven?!" The congregation remained silent. He then released one shot into the roof, the congregation shouted, "It's the Pastor! He always says that he is a child of GOD"! Pastor replied,"what kind of conspiracy is this? Every one here knows that I am the son of Charles Githinji.
Rankaz13
#2614 Posted : Sunday, November 09, 2014 9:14:02 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 5/21/2013
Posts: 2,841
Location: Here
kysse wrote:
A man with an AK47 ran into a church and pointed the gun at the congregation saying,"who is a child of GOD here?! Let me send him or her to heaven?!" The congregation remained silent. He then released one shot into the roof, the congregation shouted, "It's the Pastor! He always says that he is a child of GOD"! Pastor replied,"what kind of conspiracy is this? Every one here knows that I am the son of Charles Githinji.


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
urstill1
#2615 Posted : Wednesday, November 12, 2014 11:10:32 AM
Rank: User


Joined: 9/6/2013
Posts: 1,446
Location: In a house
She my favourite position, I said CEO.
washiku
#2616 Posted : Wednesday, November 12, 2014 3:41:13 PM
Rank: Chief


Joined: 5/9/2007
Posts: 13,095
Gor Mahia Rules for Kisumu
GINIWARETAIN
1. Dressing code is green, that is not
debatable
2. Your iPhone six is the worst form of
phone
you should have. Please put your photo as
a
screen saver so that you cannot confuse it
to
another person’s phone since everyone
will have
an iPhone
3. For the hawkers selling water, we only
buy
Keringet or Dasani, the rest we use to
wash our
cars. And please, stock only the original
PK, we
do not chew those cheap gums that came
after
PK
4. There is no space for parking cars, if
you did
not use Kisumu international airport, then
wachni, okbichaloni.
5. Leave your IPad at home, your IPhone
will
perform the same function as the iPad
6. Those from Meru must not be tempted
to
carry miraa into the stadium. vegetables
are left
for animals. There will be thorough
scrutiny
7. Governor Mutua is banned from
mentioning
the word Gor or even featuring in the
game,
unless he donates 10 million shillings to
support
anti jigger campaigns
8.Our friends from USA and Spain must
produce
forms that clear them Ebola free. Our
West
African friends will be allowed to watch
from a
big screen in Nyeri town
9. The medium of exchange (currency) in
Kisumu is Euros, we stopped using Kenyan
money since we fear carrying large
amounts
10. Gate collection is cashless. You swipe
your
card and you are billed. Equity and family
bank
cards are not recognized.
NYASAYE MONDO OTELNE KOGALLO
WUON
TIMBE. # GINIWARETAIN
Pedes
#2617 Posted : Wednesday, November 12, 2014 8:19:44 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 9/30/2013
Posts: 659
C&P
{It’s 5 pm on a Saturday, the first match of the EPL is about to kick off and 4 best friends are sitting at a pub drinking and chatting as they wait for the kick off}

VERBSTRACT: Liverpool wasiposhinda leo najinyonga, this can’t go on like this. Brendan is an asshole.

RAMA; nimebook followers wako ukisha jinyonga. Hakuna game ingine mnashinda hapa.

CAPIII: You 2 guys are too noisy, game ata haijaanza na mshaanza kubishana.

OKEKE: man! ata na regret mbona nilikuja. Ebu order more drinks before I die of boredom.

{Rama beckons to a waiter who comes rushing to the table with a notebook}

ALLOYS: (in a British accent) Whar can I ge you mates?

ALL FOUR: (at the same time) HUH?????

ALLOYS: I sehd, whar can I get you fellas….what will you drink?

VERBSTRACT: oooooh…get me a cold Tusker

RAMA: same here mate

CAPIII: I will have a Heineken please

ALLOYS: ( jotting down the orders then turning to Okeke) and you mate?

OKEKE: get me a glass of milk.

ALLOYS: Excuse me, did you just say milk. mate?

RAMA: (holding his head in disbelief) did he just say milk?

VERBSTRACT: Ooh boy, he just said milk

ALLOYS: we don’t have milk mate, this is a pub. not a dairy.

OKEKE: then get me some juice

ALLOYS: okay mates, right away

{the waiter leaves and the other 3 turn to Okeke}

CAPIII: Milk??? WTF man!!!!!!!!!!!

VERBSTRACT: you okay bruh, what’s wrong?

OKEKE: (putting his phone down) okay let me explain………..I stopped drinking.

RAMA: What do you mean you stopped drinking???????

OKEKE: she told me drinking is not good for a man.

CAPIII: SHE????

RAMA: SHE???? WTF???

VERBSTRACT: You mean SHE as in a woman? with breasts?

OKEKE: yes……SHE….I finally got a girlfriend guys, thank you for not asking until now

CAPIII: (clapping in delight and patting Okeke on the shoulders) Congrats bruh, finally!!!! welcome to the league of extraordinary men! you are now one of us!

RAMA: I’m so relieved to hear that bruh, I had started to get worried that you could be playing for the other team yo.

OKEKE: O__O

CAPIII: O_O

(the awkward situation is saved by the waiter who brings the drinks they had ordered)

ALLOYS: anythuhng else mates?

VERBSTRACT: yea…how much did you buy that accent?

ALLOYS: msee bana, gani izo tena unaanza tena. ndio izo drinks zenu kunyweni, nkt!!

{the waiter leaves and the 4 burst into laughter}

RAMA: so Okeke, tell us about this woman who made you to stop drinking.

OKEKE: (with excitement} well, I met her online. on instagram….ilianza na ka selfie moja yenye alipost huko, nika ilike nika double tap, before I knew it she had posted an emoji on one of my pic telling me I am cute and chubby. Before long she had given me her number and we started talking. She is in the US though.

CAPIII: DAYUM! you lucky nerdy bastard!!

OKEKE: that ain’t all, she even told me she would love to have chubby babies with me, little Calebs….I am so in love yani mpaka I didn’t mind the conditions she gave me.

VERBSTRACT: she gave you conditions?

RAMA: what conditions?

OKEKE: well it was actually a list, she told me she hates men who drink and that I should stick to water, juice or milk., she also………..

RAMA: (interrupting him) WAIT, WHAT?? just those 3? not even Guarana???

OKEKE: not even the blood of Jesus bruh……………she also told me to shave my hair in the middle, that she loves bald men…..they were quite many. no big deal really….I would cross the ocean and sprint to Tsavo naked just for my Lexidash.

(pin drop silence for 2 minutes, all the other 3 not even moving, all of them looking at Okeke)

CAPIII: (clearing his throat with difficulty) uuuuuhm….did you just say Lexidash? as in that’s her name?

OKEKE: yeah, why, you know her?

VERBSTARCT: (trembling and stummering) dddddo..dddooo…you mmmmmind…ddddddescribing her a bbbbbit mmmmore pppplease?

OKEKE: well she is lightskinned, very pretty. she has a gap in her teeth and a black beauty spot just above her beautiful chin…and she speaks seven languages! can you believe that!! our little calebs are going to be so bright because of their mother..

RAMA: (sweating and trembling) did you say she speaks 7 different langauges?

OKEKE: ( starting to look at them curiously) yeah…okay guys, what’s going on…what are you not telling me.

VERBSTRACT: (tears welling up in his eyes) how could she do this to me…she told me I was her only one, she even sent me a picture of a very delicious cake on my birthday…how could she!!!!!

RAMA: (looking down to hide his tears) I even got a tattoo of her name on my neck, she told me I was her number one, she said in Spanish *sniff sniff*, I remember the voice note she sent me saying in a sweet voice “Te amo mi Rama con todo. ustedes son mis sólo uno, no puedo respirar sin que” …I even use it as my ringtone now *sniff sniff*

CAPIII: (his head in his hands looking down) That bitch! I sold my father’s camels just to buy clothes to impress her on instagram… walahi bilahi ntadunga mutoto ya mutu gisu!! me nilidhani nimepata bibi kumbe ni ngamia ingine !!!

OKEKE: are you guys crying?

RAMA, CAPIII, VERBSTRACT: (in unison) NO!!!!!! IT’S THE SMOKE FROM THE KITCHEN!!!!!

OKEKE: (fighting tears back) I had even introduced her avi to my family, my folks had even told the whole village that I was bringing home a mzungu for a wife, this is bad man…..*sniff sniff*………I need a hug….guys?

(they all start crying and go for a group hug)

RAMA: (hugging tighter while crying) so what do we do?

VERBSTRACT: (hugging even more tighter) I think we should call Maina Kageni and expose that evil woman.

CAPIII: (wiping his tears on Okeke’s shirt and hugging tighter) Yes, and then we form a movement for men like us

OKEKE: (eyes red from crying) let’s leave this place guys…. I have 100kgs of chocolate that I had bought for Lexi at home, let’s go eat it in revenge.

RAMA: (wiping his tears) yes, twendeni.

{they leave the pub holding hands singing “Bado Mapambano”}
If you stay ready, no need to get ready.
Rankaz13
#2618 Posted : Wednesday, November 12, 2014 10:53:15 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 5/21/2013
Posts: 2,841
Location: Here
Pedes wrote:
C&P
{It’s 5 pm on a Saturday, the first match of the EPL is about to kick off and 4 best friends are sitting at a pub drinking and chatting as they wait for the kick off}

VERBSTRACT: Liverpool wasiposhinda leo najinyonga, this can’t go on like this. Brendan is an asshole.

RAMA; nimebook followers wako ukisha jinyonga. Hakuna game ingine mnashinda hapa.

CAPIII: You 2 guys are too noisy, game ata haijaanza na mshaanza kubishana.

OKEKE: man! ata na regret mbona nilikuja. Ebu order more drinks before I die of boredom.

{Rama beckons to a waiter who comes rushing to the table with a notebook}

ALLOYS: (in a British accent) Whar can I ge you mates?

ALL FOUR: (at the same time) HUH?????

ALLOYS: I sehd, whar can I get you fellas….what will you drink?

VERBSTRACT: oooooh…get me a cold Tusker

RAMA: same here mate

CAPIII: I will have a Heineken please

ALLOYS: ( jotting down the orders then turning to Okeke) and you mate?

OKEKE: get me a glass of milk.

ALLOYS: Excuse me, did you just say milk. mate?

RAMA: (holding his head in disbelief) did he just say milk?

VERBSTRACT: Ooh boy, he just said milk

ALLOYS: we don’t have milk mate, this is a pub. not a dairy.

OKEKE: then get me some juice

ALLOYS: okay mates, right away

{the waiter leaves and the other 3 turn to Okeke}

CAPIII: Milk??? WTF man!!!!!!!!!!!

VERBSTRACT: you okay bruh, what’s wrong?

OKEKE: (putting his phone down) okay let me explain………..I stopped drinking.

RAMA: What do you mean you stopped drinking???????

OKEKE: she told me drinking is not good for a man.

CAPIII: SHE????

RAMA: SHE???? WTF???

VERBSTRACT: You mean SHE as in a woman? with breasts?

OKEKE: yes……SHE….I finally got a girlfriend guys, thank you for not asking until now

CAPIII: (clapping in delight and patting Okeke on the shoulders) Congrats bruh, finally!!!! welcome to the league of extraordinary men! you are now one of us!

RAMA: I’m so relieved to hear that bruh, I had started to get worried that you could be playing for the other team yo.

OKEKE: O__O

CAPIII: O_O

(the awkward situation is saved by the waiter who brings the drinks they had ordered)

ALLOYS: anythuhng else mates?

VERBSTRACT: yea…how much did you buy that accent?

ALLOYS: msee bana, gani izo tena unaanza tena. ndio izo drinks zenu kunyweni, nkt!!

{the waiter leaves and the 4 burst into laughter}

RAMA: so Okeke, tell us about this woman who made you to stop drinking.

OKEKE: (with excitement} well, I met her online. on instagram….ilianza na ka selfie moja yenye alipost huko, nika ilike nika double tap, before I knew it she had posted an emoji on one of my pic telling me I am cute and chubby. Before long she had given me her number and we started talking. She is in the US though.

CAPIII: DAYUM! you lucky nerdy bastard!!

OKEKE: that ain’t all, she even told me she would love to have chubby babies with me, little Calebs….I am so in love yani mpaka I didn’t mind the conditions she gave me.

VERBSTRACT: she gave you conditions?

RAMA: what conditions?

OKEKE: well it was actually a list, she told me she hates men who drink and that I should stick to water, juice or milk., she also………..

RAMA: (interrupting him) WAIT, WHAT?? just those 3? not even Guarana???

OKEKE: not even the blood of Jesus bruh……………she also told me to shave my hair in the middle, that she loves bald men…..they were quite many. no big deal really….I would cross the ocean and sprint to Tsavo naked just for my Lexidash.

(pin drop silence for 2 minutes, all the other 3 not even moving, all of them looking at Okeke)

CAPIII: (clearing his throat with difficulty) uuuuuhm….did you just say Lexidash? as in that’s her name?

OKEKE: yeah, why, you know her?

VERBSTARCT: (trembling and stummering) dddddo..dddooo…you mmmmmind…ddddddescribing her a bbbbbit mmmmore pppplease?

OKEKE: well she is lightskinned, very pretty. she has a gap in her teeth and a black beauty spot just above her beautiful chin…and she speaks seven languages! can you believe that!! our little calebs are going to be so bright because of their mother..

RAMA: (sweating and trembling) did you say she speaks 7 different langauges?

OKEKE: ( starting to look at them curiously) yeah…okay guys, what’s going on…what are you not telling me.

VERBSTRACT: (tears welling up in his eyes) how could she do this to me…she told me I was her only one, she even sent me a picture of a very delicious cake on my birthday…how could she!!!!!

RAMA: (looking down to hide his tears) I even got a tattoo of her name on my neck, she told me I was her number one, she said in Spanish *sniff sniff*, I remember the voice note she sent me saying in a sweet voice “Te amo mi Rama con todo. ustedes son mis sólo uno, no puedo respirar sin que” …I even use it as my ringtone now *sniff sniff*

CAPIII: (his head in his hands looking down) That bitch! I sold my father’s camels just to buy clothes to impress her on instagram… walahi bilahi ntadunga mutoto ya mutu gisu!! me nilidhani nimepata bibi kumbe ni ngamia ingine !!!

OKEKE: are you guys crying?

RAMA, CAPIII, VERBSTRACT: (in unison) NO!!!!!! IT’S THE SMOKE FROM THE KITCHEN!!!!!

OKEKE: (fighting tears back) I had even introduced her avi to my family, my folks had even told the whole village that I was bringing home a mzungu for a wife, this is bad man…..*sniff sniff*………I need a hug….guys?

(they all start crying and go for a group hug)

RAMA: (hugging tighter while crying) so what do we do?

VERBSTRACT: (hugging even more tighter) I think we should call Maina Kageni and expose that evil woman.

CAPIII: (wiping his tears on Okeke’s shirt and hugging tighter) Yes, and then we form a movement for men like us

OKEKE: (eyes red from crying) let’s leave this place guys…. I have 100kgs of chocolate that I had bought for Lexi at home, let’s go eat it in revenge.

RAMA: (wiping his tears) yes, twendeni.

{they leave the pub holding hands singing “Bado Mapambano”}


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Reminds me of that common radio advert. Wooihh! Tumecheswa!!Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
washiku
#2619 Posted : Thursday, November 13, 2014 12:36:01 PM
Rank: Chief


Joined: 5/9/2007
Posts: 13,095
butterflyke
#2620 Posted : Thursday, November 13, 2014 10:29:31 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 5/1/2010
Posts: 3,024
Location: Hapa
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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