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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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urstill1 wrote:One day Swenani went to the beach. While
taking a stroll, he decided to lie down and enjoy the coastal sun.
Then suddenly, a mermaid appeared from the sea and came to him...
MERMAID: "Im giving you three wishes to make. And whatever you
wish, it shall come true"
"Swenani: "I wish for a car."
***bam! A Range Rover appeared next to Swenani.***
MERMAID: "You have two more wishes. Anything you wish, it shall
come true."
Swenani: "I wish for a lot of money."
***bam! 4 suitcases containing 50 million each appeared. Swenani took
the suitcases and put them in the car and took the car for a spin. After
10 minutes, he went back to where the mermaid was.
MERMAID: "You have one more wish. Anything you wish for, it shall
come true."
Swenani: "So these wishes are true. Wow!, I am now the happiest man
in the world. For my last wish, I want to be irresistible to Kenyan
women."
***bam! Swenani turned into a weave. I was sure @kysse would be mentioned.....   Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali๐
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Weird thoughts on Whatsapp list: 1. Someone's status says "Sleeping" for 13 Days! He's probably dead. 2. Someone is "Driving" for 5 days! I guess anaenda Rongai!!! 3. Someone's "Happy" for 1 Month. Do they live in Paradise? 4. Someone is always 'Available'. How free are they? 5. From Day 1, someone's like, 'Hey there! I'm using WhatsApp'. I know! That's why you're on my list! 6. Someone updates "Urgent calls only". Are you in the ambulance service? 7. Another says, "Can't talk. Whatsapp only". Dude, then throw away your phone. You're not using its primary function. 8. Another says they are "At the Gym". I wish to see their shape when they come out. 9.Another updates "In a Meeting" for like 6 months. Anapanga kuuza Kenya ama? 10. Someone else says "Battery about to die" since last year. Kwani battery yake ni immortal? 11. This other lady says "At the movies" for the past 6 weeks. Does she sell popcorn there?!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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urstill1 wrote:One famous scientist, Masukuma wa Masukuma tested a frog. He cut its legs off and said 'Jump!' The frog didn't jump. He then concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf! Masalaaale!!  Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,325 Location: Masada
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,236 Location: Vacuum
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/1/2014 Posts: 895 Location: sky
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There are only two emotions in the stock market, fear and hope. The problem is, you hope when you should fear and fear when you should hope
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/9/2009 Posts: 2,003
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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Crazy Responses From Kenyan Matatu Conductors... 1.An elderly woman complains about the music โWekeni nyimbo za yesuโ Conductor: Mathee, Yesu bado hajatoa album 2.Passenger: Kuna kiti? Conductor: Hao wengine wamekalia ndoo? 3.Passenger: Kuna kiti ama ni zile uongo zenu Conductor: Hehe kama ulikua unaogopa kukosa kiti si ungebeba yako. 4.Passenger: Bwana hii gari ina joto sana! Conductor: Basi shuka upande fridge. 5.Conductor: Madam,kuna seats pale nyuma. Passenger: Siwezi kaa seats za nyuma, Nataka mbele. Conductor: Kwani za nyuma ziko nje ya gari? Basi wacha dere ashuke ukae mbele. 6.Passenger: Tao ngapi Conductor: Mbao Passenger: Niko na ashuu Conductor: Hiyo nunua avocado ujipake utelezee mpaka tao mbele. 7.Girl: Ongeza volume tusikie Mwalimu Kingโangโi! Conductor: Ungesikiza Mwalimu wa shule ungekua na gari yako si kutusumbua hapa na Kingโangโi! Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali๐
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/19/2009 Posts: 3,142
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urstill1 wrote:One famous scientist, Masukuma wa Masukuma tested a frog. He cut its legs off and said 'Jump!' The frog didn't jump. He then concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf! Masalaaale!! Scientist! Laugh Laugh Laugh
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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3 professors from KU, JKUAT & UON were invited to board a plane. After they sat in the plane, they were told that their own students made the plane. The two professors from JKUAT & KU hurriedly jumped off the plane screaming "Jesus save us!!" But the prof from UON remained calm & was relaxed. The organizers then asked: prof why are you so calm. He replied "If my students made this plane, then it will not even start! ๎๎๎๎
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Kule Tanzania marafiki wawili walienda kwa interview.....mmoja alikuwa mwerevu,mwingine alikuwa zuzu kwa hiyo wakaamua kusaidiana. Wakapanga kuwa jamaa mwerevu ataingia mwanzo...alafu akitoka atampa mwenziwe zuzu majibu,kwa kuwa maswali yalikuwa yakirudiwa. Interview ilipoanza jamaa mwerevu akaingia na kuanza kuulizwa maswali: SWALI 1:"When was Tanzania independence?" MWEREVU:"It was supposed to be 1960 but it was postponed to 1961 due to many reasons." SWALI 2:"Who brought independence to Tanzania?" MWEREVU:"So many participated but it was mwalimu nyerere who finalised it." SWALI 3:"It's believed that in planet mars there is life...is it true?" MWEREVU:"So many say so,but it has not been scientific proven." Jamaa alipotoka akampatia mwenziwe zuzu majibu ya maswali yote matatu. Jamaa zuzu naye akaingia ndani kuulizwa maswali: SWALI 1:"When were you born?" ZUZU:"It was supposed to be 1960 but it was postponed to 1961." SWALI 2:"What!! Who is your father?" ZUZU:"So many parcitipated but it was mwalimu nyerere who finalised it." SWALI 3:"Oh My God!! Are u CRAZY???" ZUZU:"So many say so but it has not been scientific proven
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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@wamambisha, yaani umeona post #2508 haifai? Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali๐
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/1/2014 Posts: 895 Location: sky
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washiku wrote:Kule Tanzania marafiki wawili walienda kwa
interview.....mmoja alikuwa mwerevu,mwingine
alikuwa zuzu kwa hiyo wakaamua kusaidiana.
Wakapanga kuwa jamaa mwerevu ataingia
mwanzo...alafu akitoka atampa mwenziwe zuzu
majibu,kwa kuwa maswali yalikuwa yakirudiwa.
Interview ilipoanza jamaa mwerevu akaingia na
kuanza kuulizwa maswali:
SWALI 1:"When was Tanzania independence?"
MWEREVU:"It was supposed to be 1960 but it was
postponed to 1961 due to many reasons."
SWALI 2:"Who brought independence to
Tanzania?"
MWEREVU:"So many participated but it was
mwalimu nyerere who finalised it."
SWALI 3:"It's believed that in planet mars there is
life...is it true?"
MWEREVU:"So many say so,but it has not been
scientific proven."
Jamaa alipotoka akampatia mwenziwe zuzu majibu
ya maswali yote matatu.
Jamaa zuzu naye akaingia ndani kuulizwa maswali:
SWALI 1:"When were you born?"
ZUZU:"It was supposed to be 1960 but it was
postponed to 1961."
SWALI 2:"What!! Who is your father?"
ZUZU:"So many parcitipated but it was mwalimu
nyerere who finalised it."
SWALI 3:"Oh My God!! Are u CRAZY???"
ZUZU:"So many say so but it has not been
scientific proven There are only two emotions in the stock market, fear and hope. The problem is, you hope when you should fear and fear when you should hope
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/1/2014 Posts: 895 Location: sky
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Minister wa agriculture alienda kutembelea bee farm, akapatana na watchie kwa gate, watchie akamzuia kuingia na minister kwa ukali akamuuliza watchie" UNAJUA MIMI NI NANI!? Mimi ni waziri wa kilimo!! Watchie aka apologise na kwa upole akamwacha aingie..after 5 minutes minister akaanza kuwika " E mlinzi Njoo hawa njuki wataniuwa!!" Watchie akawika " si ujitambulishe tu hawajakujua bado, waambie we ni minister There are only two emotions in the stock market, fear and hope. The problem is, you hope when you should fear and fear when you should hope
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Rank: Elder Joined: 4/22/2010 Posts: 11,522 Location: Nairobi
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washiku wrote:3 professors from KU, JKUAT & UON were invited to board a plane. After they sat in the plane, they were told that their own students made the plane.
The two professors from JKUAT & KU hurriedly jumped off the plane screaming "Jesus save us!!"
But the prof from UON remained calm & was relaxed. The organizers then asked: prof why are you so calm. He replied "If my students made this plane, then it will not even start!
๎๎๎๎ possunt quia posse videntur
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali๐
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Uhuru, Raila, Ngilu, Martha Karua. Raila,uhuru, Ngilu and Martha Karua are travelling in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a hard slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Ngilu and Uhuru are sitting there looking perplexed. Raila is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them are diplomatic and nobody says anything. Ngilu is thinking: These men are all crazy about Martha Karua. Raila must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel.Amefanya poa kumchapa kofi) Martha is thinking: "Raila must have moved to kiss me, but kissed Ngilu instead and got slapped!" Raila is thinking: "Aki, Uhuru must have tried to kiss Martha Karua, she thought it was me and slapped me, isorait!" Uhuru is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I will make another kissing sound and slap Raila again lol, Ruto wont believe"
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