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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Mr. Omondi want to visit Wambui for the 1st time but he needs direction. OMONDI: Sweetie, Mimi Unataka Kuja Kutembelea Wewe Leo. WAMBUI: Karibu Sana My Dear. OMONDI: Wewe Ninaisi Wapi ?? ... WAMBUI: (Gives Direction) ... Ukifika Kwa Main Gate, Sukuma Gate Na Miguu Halafu Uingie. Halafu Ukifika Kwa Mlango Ya Nyumba, Finya Bell Ya Number 14 Na Elbow. Nitakufungulia. OMONDI: Sawa Sweetie, But Why Am I Using My Legs And Elbow? Si Mimi Unawesa Kutumia Mkono Changu? WAMBUI: Aiiih!...Kwani Unakuja Mkono Mtupu?!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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washiku wrote:Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpse at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
Come see marathon race!.........
The priest almost ran pass the church gate..shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!"  Always a gem!!! ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,236 Location: Vacuum
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McReggae wrote:washiku wrote:Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpse at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
Come see marathon race!.........
The priest almost ran pass the church gate..shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!" Always a gem!!! If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2009 Posts: 2,375
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Swenani wrote:McReggae wrote:washiku wrote:Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpse at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
Come see marathon race!.........
The priest almost ran pass the church gate..shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!" Always a gem!!! I'm dead!!!oh It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt...
-Mark Twain
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/30/2013 Posts: 659
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Know thy slaps 1.Take Away Slap – when a girl gives you a dirty slap and all you can do is hold your face and walk away. That is a take way slap 2.Resounding slap – after you are hit. You keep hearing some funny sounds in your brain like wiiiiiiiiiiii 3.Formatting slap – that is the slap that makes you forget instantly what you were doing. You ask questions like “What did I do?” 4.Explanation slap – when slapped you find yourself explaining the situation to the nearest person out of your own accord e.g. “Buda boss, hiyo mimi na mwachia juu ya mapenzi yeye huwa mtulivu” 5.Fix deposit slap – when you receive this kind of slap you just stand right where you are and watch the depositor walk away. 6.Rhetorical slap – the moment you download the slap, you start asking questions that need no reply. Like “Kidero, you’ve slapped me Kidero?’ If you stay ready, no need to get ready.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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bkismat wrote:Swenani wrote:McReggae wrote:washiku wrote:Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpse at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
Come see marathon race!.........
The priest almost ran pass the church gate..shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!" Always a gem!!! I'm dead!!!oh Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,236 Location: Vacuum
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Pedes wrote:Know thy slaps
1.Take Away Slap – when a girl gives you a dirty slap and all you can do is hold your face and walk away. That is a take way slap
2.Resounding slap – after you are hit. You keep hearing some funny sounds in your brain like wiiiiiiiiiiii
3.Formatting slap – that is the slap that makes you forget instantly what you were doing. You ask questions like “What did I do?”
4.Explanation slap – when slapped you find yourself explaining the situation to the nearest person out of your own accord e.g. “Buda boss, hiyo mimi na mwachia juu ya mapenzi yeye huwa mtulivu”
5.Fix deposit slap – when you receive this kind of slap you just stand right where you are and watch the depositor walk away.
6.Rhetorical slap – the moment you download the slap, you start asking questions that need no reply. Like “Kidero, you’ve slapped me Kidero?’
Na ile slap mtu anapata kwa rasa aki kula fish ni gani? If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,236 Location: Vacuum
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The only way to know you are old 1.Kama unajua ulifanya science ikiwa na agriculturena GHCRE….wewe ni mhenga 2.Kama ulicheki tv ukajua inspekta mwala ako na brother anaitwa Likobe…Tafadhali usiulize nywele nyeupe inatoka wapi. 3.Kama ulitumia 5bob, 10 bob na 20bob ya noti….anza kuandika will mapema 4.Kama ulipanda matatu zilewatu huangaliana…nani kubali tu 5.Kama uliwatch tv channel inaitwa STVna bado unaandika X badala ya S….unaitaji maombi 6.Kama picha yako ya ID si coloured…..weweni analogue…na kama haiingii kwa wallet…..Pea wengine nafasi wazalize 7.Kamaulikunywa soda inaitwa softa,babito na juice ya tree top…..uko pale pale kwa wazee 8.Kama primo ulifanya 8 subjects, deactivate facebook uanzishe familia 9.Kama uliona kipindi cha tausi ,marie de losangeles, na movie ya mbwa inaitwa Rex…..shikamoo babu/nyanya 10.Kama ushawahi enda date kwa hoteli mkasomea menu nje….Wewe na akina ole kaparo na ole ntimama ni agemates 11.Kama unatambua zile era za kupigwa picha then unaingoja for a wholemonth ndio itoke…umekula chumvi sana 12.Kama ulinunua biscuits za round za 50 cent….Noah alikuacha kwa ark If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/26/2009 Posts: 1,793
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Swenani wrote:The only way to know you are old
1.Kama unajua ulifanya science ikiwa na agriculturena GHCRE….wewe ni mhenga
2.Kama ulicheki tv ukajua inspekta mwala ako na brother anaitwa Likobe…Tafadhali usiulize nywele nyeupe inatoka wapi.
3.Kama ulitumia 5bob, 10 bob na 20bob ya noti….anza kuandika will mapema
4.Kama ulipanda matatu zilewatu huangaliana…nani kubali tu
5.Kama uliwatch tv channel inaitwa STVna bado unaandika X badala ya S….unaitaji maombi
6.Kama picha yako ya ID si coloured…..weweni analogue…na kama haiingii kwa wallet…..Pea wengine nafasi wazalize
7.Kamaulikunywa soda inaitwa softa,babito na juice ya tree top…..uko pale pale kwa wazee
8.Kama primo ulifanya 8 subjects, deactivate facebook uanzishe familia
9.Kama uliona kipindi cha tausi ,marie de losangeles, na movie ya mbwa inaitwa Rex…..shikamoo babu/nyanya
10.Kama ushawahi enda date kwa hoteli mkasomea menu nje….Wewe na akina ole kaparo na ole ntimama ni agemates
11.Kama unatambua zile era za kupigwa picha then unaingoja for a wholemonth ndio itoke…umekula chumvi sana
12.Kama ulinunua biscuits za round za 50 cent….Noah alikuacha kwa ark
I qualify from 1-12....na bado meno iko 32.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Please help me pray for my neighbour's daughter. We are on our way to the hospital now. She swallowed Memory Card (8G) and she is singing all the songs on it. We don't know what will happen when she gets to the videos folder,cos things that we can't say here are on the folder
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A japanese couple argued bitterly in public. Husband: takamushi jiku. Wife: hashi jiku mishihe. Husband: inamoto kushini hatapi. Wife: jejeta takuna mota shinita. Husband: kituya sitina kutara. Wife:saka weretuna joku. Husband: ji taka mushi. Wife: totori yatika muniya. You are busy reading as if you understand Japanese, hata wewe kuwa serious!!
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/5/2008 Posts: 602
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"Racism will never end  , White cars still using black tyres! "The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions" - Alfred adler
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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bebeto wrote:"Racism will never end , White cars still using black tyres!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,325 Location: Masada
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Crazy? C&P.  Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A couple had a huge fight one night. Going to bed, the husband decided to insult his wife in anger... Husband: Good night ugly old mother of three... Wife replied: Good night father of none. That is how the Gaza war begun.
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,236 Location: Vacuum
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Yet that is what our home-science teacher taught us.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, goes up on the footpath, and stops centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything goes quiet in the cab, then the driver says, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologizes and says, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.” The driver replies, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.
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Rank: User Joined: 1/20/2014 Posts: 3,528
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washiku wrote:A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, goes up on the footpath, and stops centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything goes quiet in the cab, then the driver says, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologizes and says, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.” The driver replies, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.  Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune - Jim Rohn.
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