You got me

In mitigation, it almost looks like Kiswahili.

A japanese couple argued heavily in public.
Husband: takamushi jiku.
Wife: hashi jiku mishihe.
Husband: inamoto kushini hatapi.
Wife: jejeta takuna c shinita.
Husband: kituya sitina kutara.
Wife:saka weretuna joku.
Husband: ji taka mushi.Wife: totori yatika muniya.







You are still reading as if you understand Japanese.

Kuweni serious!! Nkt!..

The following is what a women posted on a dating forum seeking a rich husband:
"

I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here. I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.
If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who don’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty

A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan below:

Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.
My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty” and “money” : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position”.
If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased”.

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps.

signed,
J.P. Morgan CEO

Aiiiii Nani!! This one killed me!! Killed me.

On his Birthday, Peter is really upset since none of his family members or dear ones remember to wish him.

As he walked into his office, his secretary Anna said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!”

He feels better knowing that at least someone remembered.


At lunch time Anna knocks on his door and says, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your Birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.”

Peter happily agrees and they have a sumptuous lunch. On the way back to the office, Anna says, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day… We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?”

Peter replies “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?”

She says, “Why don't we go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”

After arriving at her apartment, Anna says, “Boss if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.”

“Ok.” He nervously replies....

After a couple of minutes Anne comes out carrying a huge birthday cake… Followed by his wife, his kids, and dozens of his friends, and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.

And Peter just sits there… On the couch… NAKED!

Peter Magigi

A KIKUYU man walks into a
bank in NAIROBI City and asks for the loan
officer.

He tells the loan
officer that he is going to DUBAI on
business for two weeks and
needs to borrow KSH 5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the
bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the KIKUYU man
hands over the keys to a new Ferrari
parked on the street in front of the bank.

He produces the logbook and
everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all
enjoy a good laugh at the KIKUYU for using
a KSH 50,000,000 Ferrari as collateral against a KSH 5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the KIKUYU returns, repays the KSH 5,000 and the interest, which comes to KSH
150.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, we are
very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out
very nicely but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and
found that you are a multi millionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you
bother to borrow "KSH 5,000"

The KIKUYU replies:
"Where else in NAIROBI
can I park my car for
two weeks for only KSH 150.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Ara!