C&P

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.
He asks the lady, 'Do you have an 'airport'?'
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, 'Do you have an airport?'
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice 'Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.'
The next morning they hear a knock and both
run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered
voice, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.' She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question;
'Do you have an airport?'
'Yes, actually I do,' she says.
The man replies..
'Good! Would you mind telling your husband
to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'

i thought "airport" is a wazua only lingua.

MUSEVENI IS ON FIRE.
And in the typical Museveni fashion,He has issued more SEXUAL REGULATIONS.
1.Blow job is illegal. Your mouth is...
not a toilet. You are therefore
forbidden to transform your mouth
into some kind of toilet by allowing
all kind of genitals in it. If You must
blow,blow your nose.
2. 69 is a number. A simple
mathematical number. And it should
remain so. It belongs to classrooms,
NOT Bedrooms.
3. It is wrong to be TURNED ON. You
are not an electric switch. Only an
electric switch should be turned on.
Not a human being. Know your
roles.
4. MOANING should STOP. Not
unless You are moaning the loss of a
relative at a funeral. Otherwise any
other kind of moaning is highly
outlawed. Especially in Bedrooms.
5. Every Ugandan is entitled to
5MBs ONLY per day. Excess data
bundles will tempt you to visit
pornographic sites. No Ugandan
should purchase more than 5 MBs.
If You need more,please register
with the Kampala C.I.D Department
first.
6. Your Whatsaap conversations
MUST BE conducted in GROUPS of
10. No private Whatsaap
conversations. You must identify 10
mutual friends,create a Whatsaap
Group and join it. And EVERY GROUP
MUST include atleast ONE police
officer.We MUST see what kind of
photos You are exchanging.
7. Ladies,You are FORBIDDEN to be
wet around Your Man NOT UNLESS
You are washing his clothes, cooking
for him or rinsing rice.
7. Men,You are forbidden to ask a
random girl to "send You pics" . And
Ladies,if any man wants pics,The
Ugandan Law requires You to send
him pictures of Government
Developments in your constituency.
8. ALL SOCIALITES Must get a
certificate of Good Conduct from the
Kampala C.I.D Headquarters before
posting photos on Instagram.
9. Twerking is ILLEGAL. And if You
must twerk,You must first deposit U
$h.2,500 to the National Bank of
Uganda. And as You twerk,You must
make sure that Your ass is atleast 1
meter away from the ground.
10. The official Ugandan position is
Missionary position. Any other
position is American and
currently,America is our number one
enemy! Missionary is also good
because it will be our simple way of
saying ''thankyou" to Missionaries
who brought the Gospel to Us.
11. The Ugandan Intelligence
Service has learnt that Any Chemist
selling Viagra is being funded by
the West to overthrow the
Government. So,all Chemists are put
on a serious Government notice.
And Viagra has been declared a
National threat.
12. The Ugandan National Football
team MUST BE ammended. Its
unacceptable that a bunch of 11
men can be running after one
another,falling over one another,
hugging one another in public and
locking themselves up in one room
to change. From today,the Ugangan
Football team must include 2
women. Preferably police officers.
With guns. And ALL FOOTBALL
matches must be played in the
nearest police station.
13. And finally,the biblical book of
HAGAi. Which includes the word
"Haga" has been banned in Uganda.
Thankyou.
Ugandan Government

BINYAVANGA UPDATES STATUS: i wont enter uganda again, through the front, i'll use the back door!
MAINA KAGENI and OBAMA like this.
MUSEVENI COMMENTS: @binya dont come to uganda or i will make you leave something bad and go for something so good.
BINYA: it is you who is using something so bad. We dont have to worry about sijui safe days, bad days etc, everyday is a safe day.
MUSEVENI: what about during diarrhoea days?...
MUGABE likes this.
BINYA: nkt thats none of your business!
MUSEVENI: if it is none of my business why do you want me to care? Why dont you carry your placards in your bedrooms and ask those rights from your partners?
MUGABE likes this.
OBAMA: @museveni, no more aid to you.
MUSEVENI: we dont need your aid, we have enough bananas to eat.
MUGABE: @obama, you failed to answer my proposal, will you marry me??
OBAMA: america will not entertain backward people, this is the 21st century!
SIZE 8: @museveni iyo ya miniskirt hapana.
MUSEVENI: @size 8, those matekes of yours just kick them in kenya.
JIMMY GAIT: mtu amesema Makekes??
BINYAVANGA: @jimmy gait, btw uko single?? Hiyo skinny jeans ya yellow umevaa kwa video ya makekes imekutoa poa sana.
MUSEVENI: he he he @binyavanga, now what if your father was gay, si you would be in somebody's buttocks as we speak?
‪#‎BINYAVANGA‬ DELETES POST

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmurs their approval. The man stands up on the bar, drops his trousers, and places his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closes his mouth as the crowd gasps. After a minute, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top its head. The gator opens his mouth, and the man removes his genitals, unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and he receives the first of his free drinks.

The man stands up again and makes another offer: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush falls over the crowd. A moment later, a hand goes up in the back of the bar.

"I'll try," says a small woman, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap. The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet: "I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at one end of your bar and piss into it from the other end of the bar without spilling a drop."

The bartender laughs and says, "You're crazy, but you're on."

The man positions a shot glass on one end, walks to the other end and unzips his fly. He then pisses everywhere -- all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottles of booze, and all over the bartender. The bartender roars with laughter and tells the man to pay up.

The guy in the Yankees cap pays up, laughing and smiling, too.

"What are you smiling at?" asks the bartender. "You just lost $1,000!"

"Well, you see that guy in the cowboy hat over there crying? Before we came in, I bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar, your walls, your liquor AND you, and not only would you not be mad -- you would laugh hysterically about it!"