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love and desire..????
rayeeee
#1 Posted : Thursday, May 07, 2009 9:50:00 AM
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Joined: 12/2/2008
Posts: 16
The term 'love' has become one of the most frequently used and misused words,a word to which we attach quite different meanings…

When u like someone what comes first into account,the beauty or the state of mind of the person? And can you love a person but not desire him?

In other word…Can u make clearly the difference between someone u desire and someone u love?

And what is the difference between love and desire?




Financial freedom is our birthright,rather than the 'slave walk' of the Monday through Friday grind.
kishtash
#2 Posted : Thursday, May 07, 2009 9:58:00 AM
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Joined: 7/1/2008
Posts: 68
Love is an outcome of feelings towards somebody. It is like smoke which will always wait for fire to be lit. It may start small but end up being cloudy. It may originate from desire,lust,friendship,trust,etc
Desire may come in many forms and types: for sex,sexual desire (may not be with one person),for friendship(esp if you lkike someone's xter),to be loved (when you feel lonely) etc
So you,what are you feeling?

tash
McReggae
#3 Posted : Thursday, May 07, 2009 10:36:00 AM
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Joined: 6/17/2008
Posts: 23,365
Location: Nairobi
How does one desire.....eti I desire so and so...mmmhhh!

Make money.....then you will enjoy all the fine things in life!!!
..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
dunkang
#4 Posted : Sunday, April 29, 2012 4:19:15 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 6/2/2011
Posts: 4,818
Location: -1.2107, 36.8831
Why love is a waste of your time

1. “Falling in love” There is no better word to describe it. It is indeed “falling”, and that’s what sucks about it. You are tricked, tripped, fall, and keep falling in a seemingly endless spiral. And, like everything that falls, you eventually hit a bottom, and it will be hard and painful. Falling in love only gives you an incurable ache when you reach the end.

2. “love is blind" You will walk into love without seeing it, and you will follow love without noticing it. It will dictate your life, and you will not know it until the blindfold is gone, and you love no more. Only then will you realize what kind of sheep you had been while under the spell of love.

3. "love hurts" When you fall in love, there are many times when your feelings are not returned, resulting in a painful void in your heart. The pain will seem unbearable, and was not worth the heady feeling you got before your love was not returned. After realizing the truth behind the disadvantages of love, and after experiencing the heartbreak for yourself, will you only realize how meaningless and futile your love was. Your love will only cut you open in the end.

4. “"All is fair in love and war” This is very true, but catastrophic. Love strikes many people at once, and for the same thing. Competition is what war is about, and love is just the same. You will compete with others to show your affection, and prove your love is most worthy. But, so will everyone else. When competition reaches your friends and family, and you focus only on the art of competition for love, you begin to lose the things you held dear before love struck you. Chances are, you will lose the competition to someone else, and you will be left with nothing, having sacrificed everything to try and win.

The most important reason that love sucks, and is not worth your time: your love is no more important than someone else’s. Unless you are some sort of Casanova or Eros, the Greek god of Love and Passion, your love is only important as long as someone believes it is. To keep someone in need of your love, it takes a lifetime of adoration and spontaneity, or else they will look to someone else for the same love and adoration. In the end, love can only hurt you
Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.” ― Rashi

Kusadikika
#5 Posted : Sunday, April 29, 2012 5:27:35 PM
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Joined: 7/22/2008
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Desire is what attracts you to her before you have slept with her. Love is what holds you together after you have slept with her....... a few times.
essyk
#6 Posted : Sunday, April 29, 2012 8:40:14 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/15/2011
Posts: 4,518
whatever rocks ur boat.
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
mkeiyd
#7 Posted : Monday, April 30, 2012 10:20:45 AM
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Joined: 3/26/2012
Posts: 1,182
Desire is "physical"/visual. Love is "spiritual"/emotional.
Kunyang saying!
savant
#8 Posted : Monday, April 30, 2012 12:52:42 PM
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Joined: 4/1/2008
Posts: 104
Location: Nairobi
@dunkang Spoken like a true cynic. Who broke your heart? Pole baba.


@rayeeee What you've said is true. Love is simple but very much misunderstood. In my own life and experiences, I've generally found that the Biblical definition of love holds, irrespective of the type of relationship be it filial, platonic or romantic.

i.e. If someone loves you, they're patient with you and kind towards you. Generally speaking, this is a person who is not jealous of you and your accomplishments/successes in fact they celebrate with you. They also not conceited proud or rude towards you - or others for that matter.
They don't insist on their own rights or having their own way in the relationship but incorporate and seek your point of view.
This is someone who's not constantly irritable with you or forever reminding you of the wrong things you did to them x-years ago. Though wronged, they're able to forgive, overlook your fault and move on together with you.

When something goes wrong, or they see an injustice they not happy about it. But rather rejoice when the truth wins out. (So to be able to love you they must therefore be aware of what is true/just and what is not)

True love doesn't easily give up on you or the things they hold dear, It's hard for them to lose faith but instead they're always hopeful and so can endure even through the most difficult circumstances.

We're all human so we may fail on many accounts on the above. The trick is to look at the general trend of the person's actions towards you. For love is concrete! It's expressed in the person's words & actions. It is a choice, not some mystical, amorphous thing in the air.


On desire, you can approach it from a few different perspectives;

- A wish or longing.
- A request or petition.
- Sexual appetite; passion.

So to answer your other questions;
(based on the assumption that you're referring to romantic love/desire)

- When you like someone you can expect to be attracted to their physical appearance at first. But find that they're not necessarily as pretty on the inside i.e. heart and state of mind as they are on the outside. For you to remain attracted to them, their personality/character must match or exceed how good they looked on the outside.

- Yes, you can love someone without desiring (i.e. being sexually aroused by them). You will however desire (i.e. wish) the best for them.

On the other hand it's also natural to desire someone you love. However, unrestrained desire turns to lust. And when lust is acted upon, you loose the very thing that you desired (i.e. wanted/longed for) that is the person and a love relationship. Desire alone cannot sustain a healthy relationship, it is and must be propped up by love. Where love (as indicated) is not in the mix that's when you get the corrupted confusing notions of love/lust/desire.



Généralement, les gens qui savant peu parlent becoup, et les gens qui savant beaucoup parlent peu.
- Rousseau.
essyk
#9 Posted : Monday, April 30, 2012 1:57:29 PM
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Joined: 11/15/2011
Posts: 4,518
I have given it thought. Assuming we are talking eros here.
Yes you can desire what you don't love.
But you cannot love what you don't desire.

I may desire a platonic relationship, but that's all.
But how can I love if I don't desire?
That's like missing a step.What attracts you to that person? qualities,and what draws you to those qualities? an attraction and what do u call that attraction which keeps building in ur mind day in day out? It becomes a desire after a while.

And when that desire is fulfilled its called love.





"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
dunkang
#10 Posted : Monday, April 30, 2012 2:22:02 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 6/2/2011
Posts: 4,818
Location: -1.2107, 36.8831
LOVE IS WASTE OF TIME (II)

@Savant (Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly ), be informed that;

Love is full appreciation AND wanting or "needing" nothing from another - To love, one must see themselves as whole, innocent, and perfect....

The "self" that is "seeing" is the entirety of everyone, everything, and every NOW moment.

Get Busy! Stop Loving!
Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.” ― Rashi

savant
#11 Posted : Monday, April 30, 2012 2:44:39 PM
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Joined: 4/1/2008
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Location: Nairobi
@essyk

Careful not to confuse Eros (romantic love) with Venus (sex).

For the sake of clarity, i would prefer to classify Eros as distinct from sexuality/ sexual activity. Eros longs for the emotional connection with the other person. Venus on the other hand desires the sexual aspect of a relationship.

In a healthy love male-female relationship, the two go hand in hand. Where there is Eros love, Venus love will naturally spring up.

I agree that you can desire (want sexually) someone you do not love. But this is where the problem begins and the confusion sets in.
Later when you want that emotional connection, you'll most likely fail miserably trying to get from Venus (sex) to Eros (emotional connection). As most women and some men (@dunkang perhaps? smile ) have found out. You'll end up getting jaded about 'love' when what they were really engaging in was unrestrained desire i.e. lust (as acted upon through sex).

But how can i love if i don't desire?
I believe the 'desire' you're talking about here is basic attraction i.e. a certain appeal or lure about the person that make you want to get to know them better, on a deeper more than skin-deep level. Hence leading to Eros love which is relational.



Généralement, les gens qui savant peu parlent becoup, et les gens qui savant beaucoup parlent peu.
- Rousseau.
savant
#12 Posted : Monday, April 30, 2012 2:57:13 PM
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Joined: 4/1/2008
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Location: Nairobi
@dunkang
Hmmm.... Pessimistic and mocking as you may make yourself out to be, you my dear, have brought in an altogether different (and most important) aspect of love. And that is Agape love -the love that brings forth caring regardless of the circumstance. This is seen as the greatest of loves - a specifically Christian virtue.

So, you're not as far from God as we would all be inclined to think. Keep seeking, questioning, reasoning and you'll find Love.
Généralement, les gens qui savant peu parlent becoup, et les gens qui savant beaucoup parlent peu.
- Rousseau.
danas10
#13 Posted : Monday, April 30, 2012 2:58:31 PM
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Joined: 10/8/2010
Posts: 763
Location: Intersection
savant wrote:
@essyk

Careful not to confuse Eros (romantic love) with Venus (sex).

For the sake of clarity, i would prefer to classify Eros as distinct from sexuality/ sexual activity. Eros longs for the emotional connection with the other person. Venus on the other hand desires the sexual aspect of a relationship.

In a healthy love male-female relationship, the two go hand in hand. Where there is Eros love, Venus love will naturally spring up.

I agree that you can desire (want sexually) someone you do not love. But this is where the problem begins and the confusion sets in.
Later when you want that emotional connection, you'll most likely fail miserably trying to get from Venus (sex) to Eros (emotional connection).
As most women and some men (@dunkang perhaps? smile ) have found out. You'll end up getting jaded about 'love' when what they were really engaging in was unrestrained desire i.e. lust (as acted upon through sex).

But how can i love if i don't desire?
I believe the 'desire' you're talking about here is basic attraction i.e. a certain appeal or lure about the person that make you want to get to know them better, on a deeper more than skin-deep level. Hence leading to Eros love which is relational.





My thoughts too...and that's why finding real love is like chasing the wind.
Impunity
#14 Posted : Tuesday, May 01, 2012 6:51:58 PM
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There is nothing like love, its all summed up to "INFATUATION"
Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.

Drobos fly
#15 Posted : Tuesday, May 01, 2012 8:01:39 PM
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Location: Vantage point
savant wrote:


True love doesn't easily give up on you or the things they hold dear, It's hard for them to lose faith but instead they're always hopeful and so can endure even through the most difficult circumstances.

We're all human so we may fail on many accounts on the above. The trick is to look at the general trend of the person's actions towards you. For love is concrete! It's expressed in the person's words & actions. It is a choice, not some mystical, amorphous thing in the air.




I so totally agree. If most present day marriages round the world had that mentioned ingredient then divorce would not be so eye catching in the present age.
Ms Mkenya
#16 Posted : Wednesday, May 02, 2012 11:54:50 AM
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Joined: 5/13/2010
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Location: Nairobi
Love is a decision, largely. Desire (assuming of the sexual kind) is just that. An intense longing for another person.
....above all, to stand.
Rahatupu
#17 Posted : Wednesday, May 02, 2012 4:43:16 PM
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Joined: 12/4/2009
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Location: matano manne
Kusadikika wrote:
Desire is what attracts you to her before you have slept with her. Love is what holds you together after you have slept with her....... a few times.

Applause Applause Applause
sparkly
#18 Posted : Thursday, May 03, 2012 8:10:17 AM
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Joined: 9/23/2009
Posts: 8,083
Location: Enk are Nyirobi
Desire is an instinct, an hunger, a need for physical satisfaction. Love is a choice, a luxury.

Desire is like eating Ugali and Sukumawiki, basic and satisying.

Love is taking champagne and caviar. In addition to filling your stomach you get an emotional kick out of it.

Further references: Maslows pyramid of needs. Sex is basic (bottom of pyramid) together with shelter and food while friendship and relationships are in the third level.
Life is short. Live passionately.
YoungMulla
#19 Posted : Thursday, May 03, 2012 11:52:24 AM
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McReggae wrote:


Make money.....then you will enjoy all the fine things in life!!!


Applause Applause Applause Applause
Before I die - i will touch the sky!!
kayhara
#20 Posted : Saturday, December 01, 2018 1:42:59 PM
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Joined: 5/5/2011
Posts: 1,059
The heart eats what it wants, I feel mine asking for something or someone, that feeling that turns Kings into vagabond, it's like a heartache, with the hear skipping beats with every thought of the intended victim of Cupid, a heart attack when you see them or hear their voice, you feel fear but it's not fear, someone has tripped and is falling into love, stupid love, but then again, Gikuyu said the heart eats what it wants.
To Each His Own
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