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NG'OMBE ZA MUSEVENI (Prof. Dr. Gerald Hüther TWO COWS)

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Boris Boyka		#1 Posted : Thursday, July 10, 2014 10:12:06 PM
Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/15/2013 Posts: 1,977 Location: Here		SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows.You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies,and the economy grows.You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. REALISM: you have 2 cows, liberals say your cows are contributing to global warming so you kill the cows to save the environment then the other liberal faction animal rights activist get the law to charge you with cruelty to animals, you pay your fine and as part of your community service you butcher the 2 cows you killed to feed the homeless. The USDA then charge you for giving meat that wasnt processed at their approved meat processing plant and naturalist are mad it wasnt organic feed that you fed to your cows. One of the homeless you fed choked while eating your cow and now sues you. CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one to buy a bull. But the bull was bred by Monsanto and the company owns rights to all the offspring it might have with your cow. Your herd grows but you can't breed anymore unless you buy a new bull from Monsanto each time. Then a large corporation comes in with 100 cows and 50 bulls and can sell their milk cheaper so your family is ran out of business anyway. But you still have to pay back your debt to Monsanto who also owns the large cow farm that ran you out of business Everybody STEALS, a THIEF is one who's CAUGHT stealing something of LITTLE VALUE. !!!
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Boris Boyka		#2 Posted : Thursday, July 10, 2014 10:14:34 PM
Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/15/2013 Posts: 1,977 Location: Here		AMERICAN: you have two cows but it's against the law to sell their milk if the government hadn't overseen the process. Not to mention they expect the cow to produce eggs and (which you can't sell either) but when it doesn't they attach an amendment to a bill about granting amnesty to ground hogs in Idaho so they can vote.The amendment calls for a senate committee to commission a study to determine if global warming is why the cows don't lay eggs. Or maybe the cows should vote too. AMERICAN: has 2 cows. The government raises taxes on cows. You sell one cow to pay the increased cow tax.Then you sell the other cow to pay the capital gains tax required from the sale of the first cow. Then you have no money left after paying the capital gains tax on the second cow. So you apply for welfare, food stamps, unemployment compensation and Medicaid. Who needs a cow anyway? AMERICAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. All your friends have two cows. One person has 10,000 cows and puts you and all your friends out of business even though his milk is of lower quality because he genetically engineered his cows to produce more milk. Everyone dies of cancer. US CAPITALISM: you don't have two cows some corporation does, but you have to support the cows financially or the economy goes bust - meanwhile you drink artificial milk Everybody STEALS, a THIEF is one who's CAUGHT stealing something of LITTLE VALUE. !!!
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Boris Boyka		#3 Posted : Thursday, July 10, 2014 10:16:22 PM
Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/15/2013 Posts: 1,977 Location: Here		IRELAND: has 2 cows . They're both drunk. NIGERIAN: Hello I am the executor of the estate of King Mufafa the 3rd and he has left you his herd of 1 million cows. Please to be contacting me most rapidly to process your inheritance. In order to receive your cows you must send $100,000 dollars via western union. TRADITIONAL RUSSIAN: You have two cows. The government arrests them for being lesbians because one of them is not a bull. ITALIAN cows read like this: you have two cows, the mafia turns up and you have to pay insurance, the state turns up and you have to pay insurance, the local government turns up and you have to pay insurance, the cows die and the mafia turns up and want the money anyway, the state turns up and wants the money anyway and the local government turns up and...well, you catch the drift and emigrate where there are no cows. BRAZILIAN: You have two cows: One is the president!!! Everybody STEALS, a THIEF is one who's CAUGHT stealing something of LITTLE VALUE. !!!
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Boris Boyka		#4 Posted : Thursday, July 10, 2014 10:20:23 PM
Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/15/2013 Posts: 1,977 Location: Here		A GREEK CORP: You have 2 cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows. A FRENCH CORP: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORP: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide. AN ITALIAN CORP: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A SWISS CORP: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORP: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORP: You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORP: You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORP: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your home. You still have no cows. N AMERICAN CORP: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. Everybody STEALS, a THIEF is one who's CAUGHT stealing something of LITTLE VALUE. !!!
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Boris Boyka		#5 Posted : Thursday, July 10, 2014 10:22:33 PM
Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/15/2013 Posts: 1,977 Location: Here		AUSTRALIAN CORP: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive A SAUDI CORP: You have two cows. You don't let any man milk them. You force them to cover themselves even if it's hot. You hire a Filipino driver to take them to a mall and buy them some hay. You hire a Chinese engineer to build a machine so that they can milk themselves. You find an expensive bull for them and make them both marry him. Apparently, they hate the bull so they run away with a Bengali. A PAKISTAN CORP: You have two cows. You kill a Hindu because he was worshipping them. American Liberals drone one of your cows because they thought killing a Hindu was an act worth cowdung. Taliban decide to take revenge on America and kill the second cow. You are now left with bullshit Everybody STEALS, a THIEF is one who's CAUGHT stealing something of LITTLE VALUE. !!!
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Boris Boyka		#6 Posted : Thursday, July 10, 2014 10:25:01 PM
Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/15/2013 Posts: 1,977 Location: Here		Pakistan killed me. www.google.com/m?q=rof.+...-android&channel=new Everybody STEALS, a THIEF is one who's CAUGHT stealing something of LITTLE VALUE. !!!
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symbols		#7 Posted : Thursday, July 10, 2014 10:37:56 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 3/19/2013 Posts: 2,552
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MrTyrus		#8 Posted : Friday, July 11, 2014 8:29:17 AM
Rank: Member Joined: 2/11/2008 Posts: 126		Boris Boyka wrote: BRAZILIAN: You have two cows: One is the president!!! Aki hii ni matusi
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butterflyke		#9 Posted : Friday, July 11, 2014 8:54:13 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa		Boris Boyka wrote: A JAPANESE CORP: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide. i liked that one but kuna zile ni matusi waiting for the KENYAN one... Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Kaigangio		#10 Posted : Friday, July 11, 2014 9:23:43 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 2/27/2007 Posts: 2,768		A KENYAN CORP. You have two cows...which you had previously stolen but was never caught and no one has ever laid any claim of ownership... You borrow a few thousand shillings to build a shed for them and keep a little for their feed running into a couple of weeks. A few months down the line the milk production from both the cows is at all time high and the sales are good, but feeding them becomes a problem because of lack of napier grass... A neighbour has a lot of napier grass but no cows and at night you steal some of his grass and burn the remaining. He reports you to the police who come to arrest you. You are in the shed feeding the two cows with the napier grass that you stole the previous night... You enter the milk store and come out with a couple of two litre plastic bottles full of milk and give each of the policemen and the bereaved neighbour a bottle...and argue that you sell milk to your neighbour cheaply.. You go back to the sheds and return with a half full bucket of fresh cow dung and smear all the policemen and the neighbour on their faces and tell them to go away which they do... You go back to the milk store happy that you will sell milk equivalent to ten cows produce as usual...later that night you slaughter the two cows, you give lungs and matumbo to your family, sell the heads and hooves to the neighbours and throw away the meat!! *...besides, the presence of a safe alone does not signify that there is money inside...*
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