Hardtalk: Jakom, Restrain your followers.I have been accused of mutating from being your follower to being your sycophant in this forum. I have been your strong supporter and spend elephant hours campaigning for you ever since I learnt that you are the only one who can save this country. Whether a supporter or a sycophant I shall not relent in my mission of ensuring that for the next few years you become my president. The recent launch of Miguna’s book has attracted more haters who would want to derail your quest of being a sojourner at state house. How you and your team manage this criticism will determine your chances of realizing your lifetime dream of becoming the president of Kenya. On the web I have come across some things that it is purported Miguna can’t dare do namely; go for a Gor Mahia match, sit pretty at ramogi night, eat at kosewe, go to kisumu , and of course pass by kibera.
While still in China, pick a phone and call all your MPs so that they can allow Miguna and his relatives to enjoy his freedoms. I know by now you must have been given a cheap Chinese phone as a gift which you will of course surrender to the Speaker of the National Assembly upon your arrival to Kenya! Make sure that Jim does not find out that you are calling him with a cheap phone because according to the book he is allergic to cheap things (pg 419) and may not pick your call upon learning that you are using a Chinese product to call him. Call and warn your followers and let them allow Miguna and his associates to do what they want to do as long as it is within the law.
But remember I have asked you elsewhere to
Kaa ngumu. Yes Kaa ngumu. Don’t utter a word still. Let your foot soldiers speak on your behalf and when they goof, you can always say that everybody should take responsibility for their own utterances. You will of course expect somebody like Otis to goof big time. But who takes him seriously. He is just like Ogwang (pg 9) whom our man always sympathized with.
Miguna should be allowed to roam the whole of Magina and once more experience the joy of having his feet ravaged by jiggers. Organize a book fair for him in your village and let him discuss it at your backyard. Let him use the ferry alone to move from Mbita to migingo to Homabay to Useng’e to… Let the man move. Provide him with adequate security and as he moves from one village to another let the villagers cheer him up. If you do this you will have scored a first. Having your followers curtail his movements can only be detrimental to your chances of sitting at State house.
Miguna should be allowed to go and watch a Gor Mahia/AFC football match and do all that appertains to watching a match of this magnitude. He should be allowed to participate in the rituals of the game. Let him walk to Nyayo stadium with a briefcase full of stones. Iam sure he has imported stones from Canada which he has set aside for this purpose. He should be allowed to throw stones and smash vehicles windscreens just like any other Gor Mahia fan. He should be let to blockade Langata road. He should not be prevented from enjoying the sport of running away from the police and being tear gassed. Preventing him from enjoying these freedoms is violating his constitutional rights which are enshrined in the constitution we recently enacted. Let the man be!
As you know Miguna is a good dancer and a charmer. Hasn’t he told us how he used to dance with those two white girls and became an envy of everybody else in the campus (pg 49)? His dancing skills are out of this world and likely to blow people away. Let him attend Ramogi nite and enjoy renditions of the music he used to enjoy while still young, music of the likes of Owino Misiani, George Ramoji, Kolela Masee, Oguta Lie Bobo and others (pg 21).
From his own mouth, the man is a good eater. He got the nickname Owadgi Onding’ from eating too much yellow maize while at Onjiko Secondary School (pg 21). I believe too much eating of yellow maize contributed to his gigantic size. I guess GMO maize still existed that time and probably that is what has turned our friend’s head round and round. Now, not allowing the man enjoy fish and some ugali made from yellow maize at Kosewe is like killing him. Let the man go to Kosewe and have a helping of fish and yellow Ugali. There is that sack of yellow maize that was flung at your office earlier yesterday by those who hate us. With your permission, I can collect it and take it to a grinding mill I always see in Nairobi West, next to T-Mall. I can take it there for grinding and pass the flour to Kosewe to make Ugali for our man Miguna. If by any chance Omosh or Isakalakala have already collected the sack and converted it to cash, we can ask Willy if he still has some sacks in his backyard that he can help us with. But while at Kosewe the waiters should be careful not to let him eat more than twice as he used to do at school and pay for only one plate. Let him clear is bills because his elephant appetite can make him eat a lot and expect others to foot the bill for him. Let us not deny the man things he has always enjoyed.
Jokes aside, Mr President to be, as I have said you have to handle this thing maturely. Tell your followers to ignore Miguna completely. Burning his effigies and doing all sorts of silly things by your followers will only prove right the issues he is raising. He has portrayed you as a much disorganized person. This is the time to show him and other Kenyans otherwise. As we race to state house, there will be challenges and obstacles which you have to deal with. This is one of them and how we handle it will have a bearing on whether we shall see state house or not. Lastly you will need to reconstitute and revamp your think tank. Those in there aren’t doing a good job to your image. If you so wish you can include me in the team!!!