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Family quarrels
Dash
#31 Posted : Wednesday, September 26, 2012 4:25:22 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 3/24/2010
Posts: 677
Location: Nairobi
McReggae wrote:
This is a case where the neighbours should have been their brother's keeper!!!

Agreed. This has totally dissipated from our society. We are moving slowly to the I am an island character exhibited in the west. That notion of it takes a village is quickly and surely dying. These are the times I say some cultures should be maintained.
Yaaani can you imagine what was in that guys head? 1,2....5. Eish by the third toi you should be hapana, something is not adding up. TRAGIC!
rock
#32 Posted : Wednesday, September 26, 2012 6:13:44 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 2/25/2009
Posts: 973
There is something terribly wrong with kenyan men-committing suicide all over the place.Of late,I havent heard of a woman who's taken her life..and its in lower,middo n upper class so are men overwhelmed or whats up? It seems we also need a forum to vent Pray
waza
#33 Posted : Wednesday, September 26, 2012 6:14:14 PM
Rank: New-farer

Joined: 7/18/2011
Posts: 75
Most Humans....and Kenyans...have an habit of watching everything from afar and make noise when its too late and something irreversible has been done. So many times have things like pushing, insults, mob justice, reckless driving etc ended in a bad way when it takes simple acts to stop these ills happening around us.

it takes just one moment of insanity and something unthinkable happens.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in the World. If I'm not there, I go to work.
simonkabz
#34 Posted : Wednesday, September 26, 2012 8:59:25 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/2/2007
Posts: 8,776
Location: Cameroon
Wendz wrote:
rock wrote:
Can that man have a eulogy really? Again thats why women are told to leave men who abuse them,this tragedy could've been avoided if she had since taken off with her kids.The noise went on for 4hrs and neighbors assumed it was biz as usual!!!


You are right.... i bet we (women) sometimes do not take it seriously when a man threatens especially to kill..... If you hate someone so much as to want to kill them, why not just leave them and you move on with your life? Sometimes some men will threaten to kill a woman if she leaves him, yet, he's violent when they are living together....

@impunity... I believe you... someone said some food tasted like cat food in some thread... may be they have a "cat" in them!


I think you are wrong to some extent. People don't always kill their spouses coz they hate them, Some of the murders are as a result of a love so strong one cant just stand to see it taken away. Stop that wholesome blame on men wendz, you drive a man nuts, he loses his mind n in that instance of temporary insanity, bad things happen..............then you blame them nkt! My experience with men shows me a MAN cant handle much pressure, sth gotta give n the consequences may be terrible. Ken Walibora summed it up so succintly, "Wanaume ni wanyama". It takes very little effort to arouse the animal/savagery instinct. I was shocked of the killings but not surprised that the guy did it.
TULIA.........UFUNZWE!
2012
#35 Posted : Thursday, September 27, 2012 9:34:27 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/9/2009
Posts: 6,592
Location: Nairobi
Wendz wrote:
2012 wrote:
AlphDoti wrote:
2. If your wife has done a mistake, talk and try to resolve.
- First between the two of you,
- next close family members,
- next parents


I do not agree. You should never involve other family members in your manenos they'll always be bias and that would be the beginning of the end of the marriage. Either get a cleric or an independent counselor but always remember that God put in you all the power you'll need to resolve anything if you put ego aside.


Boss, including where there is a threat to kill? Well, not for them to make a decision for you, but i believe it is important to alert someone close if the relationship went to such lengths.


I think where there's a real threat to kill then it's already gone too far and the spouse should leave without a second thought. Family and friends can't help only a shrink hopefully.

BBI will solve it
:)
McReggae
#36 Posted : Thursday, September 27, 2012 10:32:09 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/17/2008
Posts: 23,365
Location: Nairobi
...@thimioni, that can't be temporary insanity....not when you kill 5 kids one after the other, hapana....hio ni total madness!!!
..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
Dia
#37 Posted : Thursday, September 27, 2012 10:42:15 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 3/30/2010
Posts: 176
Wendz wrote:
2012 wrote:
AlphDoti wrote:
2. If your wife has done a mistake, talk and try to resolve.
- First between the two of you,
- next close family members,
- next parents


I do not agree. You should never involve other family members in your manenos they'll always be bias and that would be the beginning of the end of the marriage. Either get a cleric or an independent counselor but always remember that God put in you all the power you'll need to resolve anything if you put ego aside.


Boss, including where there is a threat to kill? Well, not for them to make a decision for you, but i believe it is important to alert someone close if the relationship went to such lengths.


I agree with @2012 coz even after you resolve your issues and are all lovey dovey, they will always remember that your spouse is the one who did.....

But someone does need to know when there is a threat to your life to avoid deaths like for that journalist girl in Umoja.

As for interfering in neighbour's quarrel with his/her spouse, if they die and you know you heard and did nothing, won't your conscience hold it against you? I'd rather err on the side of of interfering...
rock
#38 Posted : Thursday, September 27, 2012 11:07:51 AM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 2/25/2009
Posts: 973
Another reason to believe this wasnt premeditated and the guy flew into a fit of rage or mabe he's just not so smart is if he wanted her to be miserable he could've left by divorcing her or killing himself if he absolutely had to.It would be next to impossible to have a serious relationship with 5 kids..now she has a clean slate,will mourn for a few months then life goes on and she can start over.
essyk
#39 Posted : Thursday, September 27, 2012 11:42:07 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 11/15/2011
Posts: 4,518
rock wrote:
Another reason to believe this wasnt premeditated and the guy flew into a fit of rage or mabe he's just not so smart is if he wanted her to be miserable he could've left by divorcing her or killing himself if he absolutely had to.It would be next to impossible to have a serious relationship with 5 kids..now she has a clean slate,will mourn for a few months then life goes on and she can start over.


These things dont just happen.There is always lava boiling beneath before the major explosion. Tell tell signs, which we women love to ignore in the name of 'being there for kids/money/good life/fear of being ostracized by the society and fear of status change.

This is Africa.It's not easy for a woman with 5 kids to just walk out.We haven't reached that level.The same people begging her to step will be the first to condemn her.We discriminate too much, so women prefer to hold till death than be condemned.

On the bolded? you didn't just say that.
An abusive man killing himself or walking out is good riddance.(sorry for sounding crude but those poor kids faces haunt me).
I believe it would have been a great relief for the woman had he walked out earlier rather than stay and kill.
Tell me.Which is better? Struggling with 5 kids eating sukuma in peace, or eating bacon in between fights and threats?
You are likely to end up in mathare if you choose the latter.

What could be worse in this life than having 5 of your kids killed by the man you called hubby?
I doubt she will overcome this.I know I cannot.
Those memories would drive me mad.
Will you think about Philip or John or Peter or who?5 kids whose lives you have nurtured since suckling days?
You can clearly remember them calling you mummy their words,laughter,tears etc?
And thinking that you could not save them in time of need?
I can't begin to imagine what that woman is going through right this minute.
I pray that God comforts her.


"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Impunity
#40 Posted : Thursday, September 27, 2012 11:45:01 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/2/2009
Posts: 26,338
Location: Masada
essyk wrote:
rock wrote:
Another reason to believe this wasnt premeditated and the guy flew into a fit of rage or mabe he's just not so smart is if he wanted her to be miserable he could've left by divorcing her or killing himself if he absolutely had to.It would be next to impossible to have a serious relationship with 5 kids..now she has a clean slate,will mourn for a few months then life goes on and she can start over.


These things dont just happen.There is always lava boiling beneath before the major explosion. Tell tell signs, which we women love to ignore in the name of 'being there for kids/money/good life/fear of being ostracized by the society and fear of status change.

This is Africa.It's not easy for a woman with 5 kids to just walk out.We haven't reached that level.The same people begging her to step will be the first to condemn her.We discriminate too much, so women prefer to hold till death than be condemned.

On the bolded? you didn't just say that.
An abusive man killing himself or walking out is good riddance.(sorry for sounding crude but those poor kids faces haunt me).
I believe it would have been a great relief for the woman had he walked out earlier rather than stay and kill.
Tell me.Which is better? Struggling with 5 kids eating sukuma in peace, or eating bacon in between fights and threats?
You are likely to end up in mathare if you choose the latter.

What could be worse in this life than having 5 of your kids killed by the man you called hubby?
I doubt she will overcome this.I know I cannot.
Those memories would drive me mad.
Will you think about Philip or John or Peter or who?5 kids whose lives you have nurtured since suckling days?
You can clearly remember them calling you mummy their words,laughter,tears etc?
And thinking that you could not save them in time of need?
I can't begin to imagine what that woman is going through right this minute.
I pray that God comforts her.




@esther with her looong stories and lamentations nayo?
Eish.
You dont need to pour down all that is in your heart here in wazua, zingine peana colleague hapo afisini. I cant read all that.
Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.

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