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can todays marriage be happy marriage?
Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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MaichBlack wrote:carygoh wrote:vinii wrote:..to minimise chances of meeting the wrong gal, pse dont fall in love in a pub, tafuta kanisani.. kanisani is even worse ...as tory is told of man who pretended to be saved and married a lady only after the wedding the guy went out and drunk ile mbaya ......the point alikuwa amenoki manzi na lazima angempata liwe luiwalo evn if means lying in the name of the lord Seconded!!! Church is one of the worst places to get a wife. Here is what happens. Girl joins campus. Girl sleeps with everyone in campus in the first and second year. In third year [and forth year], girl decides it's time to get paid. Most nights she can be found shouting "darling, darling..." along Koinange street. Girl graduates. Quite a number of A's - same as the number of lecturers she slept with. Girl gets job - though she was not as good as the other interviewees - you know how that happened. Girl starts living the fast life. No longer at Koinange - may be. But she still supplements her income with "corporate clients". Time is moving. No boyfriend. No husband. Friends married. Oh what did "I" do? What to do? Off to church. May "I" should join the choir. Boy goes to church. Meets beautiful lady. Has a good 'education'. Gainfully employed. Even in the church choir. Wedding bells. A happy 6 months. Maybe one year. Girl gets bored. money not 'enough'. "We" are not 'happening'. Back to "corporate clients". Boy gets depressed. Discovers Tusker baridi. Demand for beer increase. Prices rise. EABL makes more money. Share price rises. Investor gets more dividends. Oops. I should have stopped at boy discovers Tusker baridi. Okay, maybe this is in extreme cases. But you get my drift. Disclaimer: I am not implying that all our sisters or university students or our sisters in the church or choir fall in this category. There are some nice ones - who might actually be the majority - but good luck telling them apart. Seconded!! This happens to many people, the story of the church girl who aborted in a not-so-sanitized environment...let me leave describing the aftermath. @Maich..you malizad me with that "darling" "darling" talk...kuna ile ya "haneee" "haneee" (honey)...let me continue reading the thread, and get the drift...akina@guka seem to allude that happiness comes later in life, when you have zoeanad!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi
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MaichBlack wrote:She told me that if there is any hereditary issue or one of those problems that come about by combining harmful but otherwise passive genes in the parents bla bla bla, that one kid will be spared. I hope you told her that that's biggest single dropping of bullsh*t you've ever heard! What if the fault is in her genes or the genes of that 'outsider'? You just cannot love a child less because of an inherited condition or otherwise. What guarantee does she have that her perfect kid will forever be perfect? Accidents are not genetic.
BBI will solve it :)
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/7/2007 Posts: 2,182
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Wendz wrote:MaichBlack wrote:mukiha wrote:simonkabz wrote:And what's with married women nowadays? They are hunting with blatant impunity! Dangerous generalisation! You meet one or two married women... OK, three married women who are "hunting with impunity" {whatever that means} and conclude that all [or at least, most) married women are "hunting with impunity". You forget that there are about 20,000,000 female humans in Kenya, about 1/4 of whom are married... i.e., 5,000,000...... Two or three? They are very many!!! I have a married colleague who calls her boyfriend(s) within the earshot of everyone. She has absolutely no shame! She goes to the extent of telling the fellow on the other side that the hubby wants to meet her for coffee ["today"] and there is no way she can meet him after that coz they'll probably go home together! They have to reschedule the date. What is he doing on... One day she was asked by a colleague why she does that to the hubby and she said and I quote "Don't get me wrong. I love my husband with all my heart and I can't imagine life without him lakini mpango wa kando ni lazima!". wtf???? And that is just one. I know quite a number of ladies playing their husbands. Good thing I don't know the hubby's on personal level coz I'd be tempted to tell them and end up in the middle of a messy domestic fight - and you know what "waswahili" said about wapendanao. This world - or the part of it that I know - is rotten!!! What do you call it when a married woman blatantly asks you out? A chick asks you to father their kid to your face etc. etc. Siku za mwisho au sio siku za mwisho? As P. P. Mwai wa Githinji would say "Dunia imepasuka katikati!" Whaaat? and you didnt pick this from a novel? A married woman asks you to FATHER THEIR kid? how now? and reason being? the man cant father his kids or she hates him enough? I just dont get it.... If it is a single woman, that i can understand... married? aaaiiih! clearly you read what you wanted to read LOVE WHAT YOU DO, DO WHAT YOU LOVE.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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kyt wrote:Wendz wrote:MaichBlack wrote:mukiha wrote:simonkabz wrote:And what's with married women nowadays? They are hunting with blatant impunity! Dangerous generalisation! You meet one or two married women... OK, three married women who are "hunting with impunity" {whatever that means} and conclude that all [or at least, most) married women are "hunting with impunity". You forget that there are about 20,000,000 female humans in Kenya, about 1/4 of whom are married... i.e., 5,000,000...... Two or three? They are very many!!! I have a married colleague who calls her boyfriend(s) within the earshot of everyone. She has absolutely no shame! She goes to the extent of telling the fellow on the other side that the hubby wants to meet her for coffee ["today"] and there is no way she can meet him after that coz they'll probably go home together! They have to reschedule the date. What is he doing on... One day she was asked by a colleague why she does that to the hubby and she said and I quote "Don't get me wrong. I love my husband with all my heart and I can't imagine life without him lakini mpango wa kando ni lazima!". wtf???? And that is just one. I know quite a number of ladies playing their husbands. Good thing I don't know the hubby's on personal level coz I'd be tempted to tell them and end up in the middle of a messy domestic fight - and you know what "waswahili" said about wapendanao. This world - or the part of it that I know - is rotten!!! What do you call it when a married woman blatantly asks you out? A chick asks you to father their kid to your face etc. etc. Siku za mwisho au sio siku za mwisho? As P. P. Mwai wa Githinji would say "Dunia imepasuka katikati!" Whaaat? and you didnt pick this from a novel? A married woman asks you to FATHER THEIR kid? how now? and reason being? the man cant father his kids or she hates him enough? I just dont get it.... If it is a single woman, that i can understand... married? aaaiiih! clearly you read what you wanted to read Gal, see his response... we were talking about married women here.... so i read the line in the context of the whole story not independently. anyhow, i could have been wrong, but seems there was one married woman who had a 'good' explanation for same too.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2007 Posts: 8,776 Location: Cameroon
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@wendz, kwanza those gender specific seminars held in 'getaway' towns like nanyuki woi! Soliciting for bombing is a favourite extracurricular activity. Guys, I think a time is coming where shared facilities will be the norm. Nitajihurumia nikioa. TULIA.........UFUNZWE!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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simonkabz wrote:@wendz, kwanza those gender specific seminars held in 'getaway' towns like nanyuki woi! Soliciting for bombing is a favourite extracurricular activity. Guys, I think a time is coming where shared facilities will be the norm. Nitajihurumia nikioa.  hakuna guilt when you come back home and look at the guy and children? ama mzee amekuwa akijivinjari pia? Aki shida ziko mingi tu sana siku hizi!!
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 4/11/2011 Posts: 17
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petro08 wrote:@Waridi1, Peppy and Wendz,
Thank you very much. You have added so much value to this thread. I feel like I have had a session with a marriage counselor. Your information is of much value to anyone who is serious about a stable marriage.
@Waridi1. I am single and searching.
@User. Sorry but I now have a reason to drop your advise. At least the three ladies have persuaded me to do so.
Why can I only write one post per hour? I've seen some interesting stuff that I can't comment on.. Anyway. Thanks @Carygoh. @Petro08, thanks for your kind words. So you're single and searching... evidently you haven't found what you're looking for.. please forgive me for being so blunt. Please lay your cards on the table tuone: May I ask what exactly you're searching for, and why? How will you know and what will you do when you have found? Where are you going and why should anyone want to come along? And how old are you anyways? Lol, I almost feel like putting (20 Marks). Sorry to be so KNEC on you. PS: So what do you think about User's advice, fast and furious "kandahar bombing" and no 90 day rule?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/19/2007 Posts: 2,047
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waridi1 wrote:petro08 wrote:@Waridi1, Peppy and Wendz,
@Petro08, thanks for your kind words. So you're single and searching... evidently you haven't found what you're looking for.. please forgive me for being so blunt. Please lay your cards on the table tuone: May I ask what exactly you're searching for, and why? How will you know and what will you do when you have found? Where are you going and why should anyone want to come along? And how old are you anyways? Lol, I almost feel like putting (20 Marks). Sorry to be so KNEC on you. PS: So what do you think about User's advice, fast and furious "kandahar bombing" and no 90 day rule? is @ waridi giving @ Petro 'NATO' status now?  Ama what do you mean by no 90 day rule?
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 4/11/2011 Posts: 17
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famooz wrote:[quote=waridi1] is @ waridi giving @ Petro 'NATO' status now? Ama what do you mean by no 90 day rule? Ati? Famooz, NATO status ni nini? If it's what I think it is, no.. I'm just trying to see how the man thinks. Petro08 was given "advice" by User; I'm just curious as to what he'll do with it.
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Rank: Member Joined: 12/7/2010 Posts: 520 Location: Epicentre - Ngamia 1
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My 2cents - 90 day rule before bombing is BK!! If the dude is serious about taking it to the next level,i recommend waiting otherwise you'll fika the wedding night and find no 'honey in the moon' cuz you'll have eaten it all away and realise the honeymoon hype was a mirage!On the second day,the dude may decide to go back to work cuz of boredom (read too familiar ground)& the new wifie will be  what happened? This gives birth to mpango wa kandos,swinger parties(dunia imepasuka)& a whole lot of other destructive stuff all in an effort to light up the sparks hence the increase in failed marriages. Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs - Farrah Gray.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/22/2009 Posts: 7,452
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waridi1 wrote:famooz wrote:[quote=waridi1] is @ waridi giving @ Petro 'NATO' status now? Ama what do you mean by no 90 day rule? Ati? Famooz, NATO status ni nini? If it's what I think it is, no.. I'm just trying to see how the man thinks. Petro08 was given "advice" by User; I'm just curious as to what he'll do with it. When a person has NATO status, it means he can bomb in self interest. Get it? If NATO believes their interests will be served by bombing a given country, they go ahead and bomb them to smithereens. It doesn't matter what the interest of the country - or in this case airport - are! What @famooz is wondering is if your question especially on the 90 day rule is hinting that if @petro feels it is in his interest to bomb [you know who] then he can go ahead and send his tomahawks. Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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waridi1 wrote:petro08 wrote:@Waridi1, Peppy and Wendz,
Thank you very much. You have added so much value to this thread. I feel like I have had a session with a marriage counselor. Your information is of much value to anyone who is serious about a stable marriage.
@Waridi1. I am single and searching.
@User. Sorry but I now have a reason to drop your advise. At least the three ladies have persuaded me to do so.
Why can I only write one post per hour? I've seen some interesting stuff that I can't comment on.. Anyway. Thanks @Carygoh. @Petro08, thanks for your kind words. So you're single and searching... evidently you haven't found what you're looking for.. please forgive me for being so blunt. Please lay your cards on the table tuone: May I ask what exactly you're searching for, and why? How will you know and what will you do when you have found? Where are you going and why should anyone want to come along? And how old are you anyways? Lol, I almost feel like putting (20 Marks). Sorry to be so KNEC on you. PS: So what do you think about User's advice, fast and furious "kandahar bombing" and no 90 day rule? @petro08, go the Kongowea and famooz way....answer the questions with precision and accuracy...
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/5/2010 Posts: 335 Location: Nairobi
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Jus Blazin wrote:@Genghis, love is actually a verb. Its action - oriented.
I am happily married. I've come to understand there's a difference between what I need to feel and what I need to do. Love is a verb when you use it as a verb and a noun when you use it as a noun... EXAMPLES Because I love my mother, I go to church when she tells me. - VERB. It is because of the love that i have for my mother that I go to church when she tells me. - NOUN You can do that with many English words. Kizungu works like that. However, I understand what you are saying and I actually mostly concur... My point is that our lives depend more on our own values & decisions rather than our enviroment... "I'd rather be lucky than clever... every time!" - ME
"The problem is not what we don't know... it's what we know for sure that just ain't!" - MARK TWAIN
"Space we can recover... time never!" - NAPOLEON BONAPARTE
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/5/2010 Posts: 335 Location: Nairobi
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MaichBlack wrote:Advice to wazua men:[/b] One thing I have realized, if you have female friends - no monkey business - just pure friendship - with ladies, then you are going to learn so much stuff, you will not believe it. Insider trading! Am all for it... I could use the help!!! "I'd rather be lucky than clever... every time!" - ME
"The problem is not what we don't know... it's what we know for sure that just ain't!" - MARK TWAIN
"Space we can recover... time never!" - NAPOLEON BONAPARTE
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 761 Location: Nairobi
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Genghis Khan wrote:MaichBlack wrote:Advice to wazua men:[/b] One thing I have realized, if you have female friends - no monkey business - just pure friendship - with ladies, then you are going to learn so much stuff, you will not believe it. Insider trading! Am all for it... I could use the help!!! Interesting scenario when u have a lady friend and she is more comfortable discussing some issues with you that she cannot even discuss with their husband / boyfriend. And ours is just pure friendship.... When I admire the wonder of a sunset or the beauty
of the moon, my soul expands in worship of the Creator.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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Marty wrote:Genghis Khan wrote:MaichBlack wrote:Advice to wazua men:[/b] One thing I have realized, if you have female friends - no monkey business - just pure friendship - with ladies, then you are going to learn so much stuff, you will not believe it. Insider trading! Am all for it... I could use the help!!! Interesting scenario when u have a lady friend and she is more comfortable discussing some issues with you that she cannot even discuss with their husband / boyfriend. And ours is just pure friendship.... Emotional cheating....
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi
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Marty wrote:Interesting scenario when u have a lady friend and she is more comfortable discussing some issues with you that she cannot even discuss with their husband / boyfriend Give an example of one or two such issues? Here's some advice, if there's an issue you can't discuss with your boyfriend or husband then don't tell it to another man unless he's your pastor. You can tell your girlfriend but not another dude if you want your relationship to last.
BBI will solve it :)
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 761 Location: Nairobi
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2012 wrote:Marty wrote:Interesting scenario when u have a lady friend and she is more comfortable discussing some issues with you that she cannot even discuss with their husband / boyfriend Give an example of one or two such issues? Here's some advice, if there's an issue you can't discuss with your boyfriend or husband then don't tell it to another man unless he's your pastor. You can tell your girlfriend but not another dude if you want your relationship to last. Examples nope, they could be too specific. Of course having been married for yrs I know it is a consequence of poor communication between her and the husband, so my advise for her is to discuss issues with her significant other. It is a no brainer that if I encourage her to expose sensitive issues to me, of course it will be emotional cheating so am against it. Am not a pastor neither a qualified counsellor. When I admire the wonder of a sunset or the beauty
of the moon, my soul expands in worship of the Creator.
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/30/2010 Posts: 176
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This is rather long but I thought it fits in well here....
Marriage is at its best when both parties can be [i]naked-vulnerable with each other-and not be ashamed. There is no resting place for the man who has to hide in his own house.
In the Garden, God asked Adam,” Where are you?” And Adam displayed the tendency of most men to avoid open confrontation when he confessed:
(1) I heard your voice,
(2) I was afraid,
(3) I was naked, and (
4) I hid myself see Genesis 3:9, 10.
When you become confrontational, it’s not that your husband doesn’t hear you. It’s just that when he is afraid of exposure, he has a tendency to hide. Marriage should be transparent. Both you and your spouse need to be able to confess your weaknesses without fear or condemnation.
Woe to the man who has no place to lay his head.
Let’s stop by Delilah’s place (see Judges 16:4-20). Most women would not want to stop at her house, most men would. Most men are not afraid of Delilah; most women don’t like her at all. Her morals are inexcusable, but her methods are worth discussing.
There are some things that every wife could learn, must learn from Delilah.
What was so powerful about this woman?
What was it that caused the Philistine government to put her on their payroll because of what she knew about men?
What was it that captured the attention of Israel’s mighty man, Samson, and kept him coming back to her bed when he knew all along that she was trying to kill him? He could not leave her alone. It was an Old Testament “Fatal Attraction”.
If your husband is in a high-stress position-if he’s powerful and full of purpose, the envy of everyone around-you need to learn from Delilah. Where can the mighty man can lay his head?
Where can he be vulnerable?
Where can he take off his armor and rest for a few hours?
Is your home a peaceful place?
Is it clean and neat, warm and inviting?
If not, Delilah’s place is ready.
I’m sure she has her own problems, but Samson doesn’t have to solve them the minute he walks in the door. She knows he’s tired after fighting with the enemy all day, so she says, “Come, lay your head in my lap”.
Delilah knows that all men are little boys somewhere deep inside. They are little boys who started their lives being touched by women. A woman sang your husband’s first lullaby with her silky voice. A woman gave him his first bath and, when he was tired, he laid his weary head against her warm breast and went to sleep. A woman talked to him and touched him and made him feel safe –not criticized, not ostracized, just safe.
Men respond to praise. Praise will make a weary man perform. A woman who knows what to say to a man is difficult to turn down. For all your husband’s tears and all his fears, he needs your arms, your voice, and your song.
By Bishop T.D. Jakes
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/29/2009 Posts: 217
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Well, for me happiness starts in bed, once this area is well taken care of, the other aspects fall into place but with a some efforts and respect for each other. I received this list from my maid of honor during my wedding shower & its become my close companion thus far: (number zero ni yangu lakini 50 Promises For Marriage: 0. Have lots & lots of s3x, whenever wherever 1. Start each day with a kiss. 2. Wear your wedding ring at all times. 3. Date once a week. 4. Accept differences. 5. Be polite. 6. Be gentle. 7. Give gifts. 8. Smile often. 9. Touch. 10. Talk about dreams. 11. Select a song that can be "our song". 12. Give back rubs. 13. Laugh together. 14. Send a card for no reason. 15. Do what the other person wants before he or she asks. 16. Listen. 17. Encourage. 18. Do it his or her way. 19. Know his or her needs. 20. Fix the other person's breakfast. 21. Compliment twice a day. 22. Call during the day. 23. Slow down. 24. Hold hands. 25. Cuddle. 26. Ask for each other's opinion. 27. Show respect. 28. Welcome the other person home. 29. Look your best. 30. Wink at each other. 31. Celebrate birthdays in a big way. 32. Apologize. 33. Forgive. 34. Set up a romantic getaway. 35. Ask, "What can I do to make you happier?". 36. Be positive. 37. Be kind. 38. Be vulnerable. 39. Respond quickly to the other person's request. 40. Talk about your love. 41. Reminisce about your favorite times together. 42. Treat each other's friends and relatives with courtesy. 43. Send flowers every Valentine's day and anniversary. 44. Admit when wrong. 45. Be sensitive to each other's sexual desires. 46. Pray for each other daily. 47. Watch sunsets together. 48. Say, "I love you" frequently. 49. End the day with a hug. 50. Seek outside help when needed. ...hold me in your arms, like that Spanish guitar… all night long!!!
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