C & P


Pure Kamba

My gundness jamani - this is
too funny!!



A Kamba is buying a TV.

"Do you have color TVs?"

"Sure."

"Give me a green one, please."

---

A Kamba calls KQ "How long does it take to fly to Machakos?"

"Just a second plse... ," says the rep.

"Thank you", says the Kamba and cuts the line.

---

A Kamba proposes to a woman.

She says, "Yes, if you'll bring me a pair of crocodile boots."

He sets off to Maasai Mara and disappears.

Finally a search team finds him hunting a huge crocodile.

He walks over to the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims,

"The 70th damn croc and this mbugger is also barefeet!"

---

A Kamba goes into a store and sees a shiny object.

He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"

The clerk replies, "That is a thermos."

The Kamba then asks, "What does it do?"

The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

The Kamba says, "I'll take one!"

The next day, he walks into the office with his new thermos.

His boss asks, "Wow, you have a Thermos! What do you have in it?"

The Kamba replies, "Two cups of coffee and a Coke."

---

A Kamba went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell it to Kambas," he replied.

The Kamba hurried home removed his beard and changedhis hair style
then came back and again told the salesman.

"I would liketo buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to Kambas," Salesman replied.

"Damn, he still can recognize me," he thought.

He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new
outfit, big sunglasses, then
waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to Kambas," he replied.





Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Kamba?"

"That's because that's a microwave," the salesman replied.

A man is taking a walk along langata road . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.A policeman who was watching ...the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can readit in all the newspapers: "Brave Langata resident saves the life of little girl". The man says: -"But I am not a resident of Langata !" Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: "Brave Nairobian saves life of little girl" - the policeman answers, "But I am not a Nairobian - says the man.. "Oh, what are you then?" The man says: "I am a from Somalia. "The next day the newspapers wrote: "TERRORIST KILLS AN INNOCENT DOG".

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her,

'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's

electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the

Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

C&P


A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, "When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself".

On the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already naked. He's so horny and keen to try out his new 'system' that he doesn't think twice and leaps on board.

After a few minutes ‘slap and tickle’, they find themselves in the '69' position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor’s orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Just great, ass****...when I fired the pistol my wife sh*t on my face, bit 3 inches off my d*** and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!"

C&P

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT STRESS IS?

A beautiful girl asks you for a ride home. On the way she faints and you take her to hospital.

The doctor says; Congratulations!!!!.You are going to become a father;

THAT'S IT. YOU GET STRESSED.

You say; But that baby is not mine;
The girl says; he is the father of my baby;

YOU GET MORE STRESSED.

…and to prove your innocence demand a DNA test. The police arrive, and a DNA test is done.
The report comes in according to which you are infertile and can never become a father.

WHAT? YOU GET EVEN MORE STRESSED!.

Anyhow you thank God that this ordeal is over, and start driving home.


.............. And then you start thinking; At home I already have 2 kids.

Whose are those????

NOW THAT’S WHAT REAL STRESS ACTUALLY IS!!!