Wat if Condoms had sponsors eg.

Nokia condoms- Connecting people
Nike condoms- Just do it!
Cadbury Condoms- Sweet to the last drop!
Knorr beef Condoms- Feel the meat
Kenya Police Condoms- Utumishi kwa wote
Kenya airways Condoms- The pride of Africa
Nakumatt - U need it,we've got it!!

@nostp... sasa hiyo ya knorr beef...... is it advertising usage, non-usage or over usage?

Did you know:

1. The pleasure of making love in the dark is 10 times stronger than when the light is on?

*************************

2. Taking a bath at same time with your partner increases your love by 20 times?

*****************

Don't get excited... This is an old Ad by: ATHI WATER SERVICES BOARD & KPLC

SAVE WATER...!!!SAVE ELECTRICITY...!!!

JIMMY G. AT LUNCH TIME

Naona unataka kula chapati na madondo kwa kibanda??? ushawahi fanya hesabu ya hiyo food na ile gharama utakayo kuwa nayo ukipatikana??? Hebu fikiria: kupata minyoo, kush*ta ovyo ovyo, kuhar*, kuumwa na tumbo, kujichomea picha na heshima. Achana na mpango ya kukula kwa vibanda. Epuka mashida, fanya hesabu, kula kuku, nyama, samaki na kadhalika katika hoteli za nguvu.....

Duties of wives..


Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new
wives duties.

Terry had married a woman from Greece and bragged that he had told his wife
she needed to do all the dishes and housework. He said that it took a couple
days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were
all washed and put away.

Jimmie had married a woman from Italy. He bragged that he had given his
wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He
told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it
was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and
he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Sindhi girl. He boasted that he told her
that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry and
ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on the
table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the
second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling
had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, just enough to
fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a handyman.

An atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his class on the problem science has
with GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his new Christian students to stand and . . .

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD Good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill.
But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent )

Professor : You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, young fella.
Is GOD good?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
Student : From . . . GOD . . .
Professor : That's right. tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer)

Professor : Is there sickness? immorality? hatred? ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer)

Professor : Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.
Tell me, son . . . have you ever seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD?
Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol,
Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat,
a little Heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold.
We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as cold.
Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat.
We cannot measure cold.
Heat is energy.
Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the absence of something
You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light . . .
But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it?
In reality, darkness isn't.
If it is, were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, young man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality.
You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD.
You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, Science can't even explain a thought.
It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that
Death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going )

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and
Cannot even prove that this Process is an on-going endeavor,
Are you not teaching your opinion, sir?
Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar )

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class broke out into laughter )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? . . .
No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol,
Science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable)

Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH.
That is all that keeps things alive and moving.


NB:

I believe you have enjoyed the conversation . . . and if so . . .
You'll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same . . . won't you?
Forward them to Increase their knowledge . . . or FAITH.

That student was Albert Einstein.

My attitude in exams, they give me questions i don't know, i give them answers they don't know.

3 male pencils and 1 female pencil are in a box. If the female pencil gets pregnant who is responsible for her pregnancy?

Ans: The pencil without rubber.

2 sperms were racing with each other. The 1st said i m tired when are v gona reach the womb?

2nd said we still have a long way to go. We have only reached her tonsils right now.

Blonde: I think my tits are full of water.

Doctor: How do u figure that?

Blonde: Every time a guy squeezes them my
p u s s y
gets wet.