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Rank: Member Joined: 1/13/2009 Posts: 60
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@Karrus,there is an unwritten rule (among Guyz) that you should't get married before you are 30...but that is a matter for another day.
Marriage is a lifetime decision and its important that one thinks with his mind and not his heart.Most people rush into marriage without taking into account the gravity of their decisions and the responsibility it entails and sooner than later the marriage is over and you have another 'fatherless' child and a heartbroken single parent who now has 2 kids....
If i were 30 and below i'd not rush to consumate the marriage. I was in a more or less similar relationship and when i look back,am glad i didn't formalise.The lady is now married to some rich old odiero and the rest is,as they say,history.......We are in touch and given an opportunity we'd rekindle old memories......
May we live in interesting times!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/13/2006 Posts: 2,589
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@gogeta,are you able to read your posts without squinting?Like someone in a reply here asked,is it you who has the problem or it's your relaz,coz it sounds more like the latter? If you are already having second thoughts then they'll be used to justify anything that goes wrong in that relationship if you decide to go ahead with it. Trust your instincts man,we always lenga that ka-voice that tells to do or not do something,only for us to say later on,'And I knew I should have listened to my instincts!' Kweri rogo? smano BEER IS LIVING PROOF THAT GOD LOVES US AND WANTS US TO BE HAPPY!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/13/2006 Posts: 2,589
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Ahh Karuss,pole I posted my reply in a hurry,as a guy I would trust my instincts,if they tell me I will have a problem in future,I would lenga getting cosy with the chic i the first place coz at some point I would have to bail without telling her I'm doing so coz she has baggage. But if the background is explained i.e. father abandoned,no relationship,kid/s has good behaviour (and is not old - I'm not hooking up with anyone with a teenager or even school going kids),father didn't have some hereditary s*** that might pop up in future,blah blah,and I REALLY like the woman,then maybe. I think you see my point here,why would any man want to be thinking about ALL these (and more) things in his mind at night when he can just explore all the hectares of land available in Kenya. Unless am really lonely (no offense to any single ladies with kids in this forum) but I'd rather take my chances elswhere. I end my submission thus smano BEER IS LIVING PROOF THAT GOD LOVES US AND WANTS US TO BE HAPPY!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/26/2008 Posts: 4,449
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the fact you have to ask it telling enough...if you've no toddler of your own,this is a raw deal..in 38 million Kenyans..if you are worthwhile,the lady will be nice anyway knowing she carries baggage...there is also the under-estimated and permanent feature of another man in your marriage..again with a brat who'll never regard you as their real father.never under estimate genetics. compromise galore. On the flipside,less dowry to pay,respect for taking such a hit and mad appreciation from the mother of 'all your' children. I prefer the former rough & tough view for something you expect to do only once in your life.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/22/2008 Posts: 2,717
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I wonder if there is a guy out there who watches TV and sees Samuel Wanjiru winning a gold medal in the Olympics and several million shillings for the London Marathon and he proudly says to his friends,'Nirikuwa karibu kuoa mama yake rakini nikagundua kuwa ako na mtoto. Nikamuacha kabisa!!!!!'
Weusi wa nywele za mshtakiwa zaonyesha ujinga alio nao
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/11/2007 Posts: 1,680 Location: nairobi
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a very close relative of mine married a single mother when the baby was less than 3 months old,we all grew up without doubting or ever debating on such an issue..last year the secret became news ..its so disturbing and the 'father ' ohh my God......yani this idiot is running his mouth everywhere ati ..'dont order me around..you are not my real father,dont do this'..damn damn..the dad has worked and saved all his life for the only son he knows..then this '@#$' analeta stress just after he has retired.
why keep one fish in a glass aquarium while you can have all the fish in the ocean?
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/23/2008 Posts: 5
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Some of u guys have really spoken negative on single ladies with kids..i happen to be one and not by choice..just bcos some dude wasnt responsible doesnt mean tht being a single parent is a grave sin,i thnk its beta to be a single mum than to perform an abortion,
'Still my mouth so You may speak. Calm my hands so You may lead.
Quiet my mind so I may be more of you and less of me'
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/13/2006 Posts: 2,589
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@kusadikika that was fresh,nothing like a good laugh in this terrible cold. Karuss maybe you could tell us what prompted the question smano BEER IS LIVING PROOF THAT GOD LOVES US AND WANTS US TO BE HAPPY!
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/13/2009 Posts: 60
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@wendz....A twist in the tale? You've lost me a tad... I thought Karuss was a jamaa....
May we live in interesting times!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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@done
i tend to think not.... if you follow her/his responses... well,am also lost! i bet... dont know if she/he but sounds like she....... from the posts... so,withdrawn.
Some deals are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/19/2008 Posts: 839
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we are looking at one side of the coin..... let the ladies herein tell us.... would you consider engaging as a life partner.. a divorced man.... laden with kids....??? I'm the real Massey F.....shut your mouth I'm the real Massey Fergu...... Shut your mouth....
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/2/2006 Posts: 519
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I respect single women with kids. They had an option to abort but did not. I don't respect the men who neglect their flesh n' blood. And believe me there's no excuse even the condom bursting.
But ladies make sure before you patia a guy that he's in a stage where he wants a kid and not just fun. We know some chics try to funga jamas with kids.
ili iwe funzo...
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/17/2008 Posts: 567 Location: Nairobi
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Gone thro this. Had a perfect lady with a 4yr old son. As we were dating i realised the boy was grossly indisciplined towards me and loved the dad. Birthday parties were a compe,bought the boy some flashy shoes while the dad bought a complete train set plus funkier shoes.
As much as the lady liked the lady had to give up the rship.
Want to be a millionaire.... plant a million cabbages and sell them at a bob...
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/3/2008 Posts: 18
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/26/2008 Posts: 132
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After Mukiha's real life story which was actually a 'post stopper',I think the thread should now mutate so that the beautiful ladies on SK (I mean all SK ladies) can tell us if they would be willing to marry single men with kids. I always thought the idea of single men with kids was an illusion until I met one. And another acquitance is heading on that path.
Wendz,hebu tuskie!
Everyday!
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/26/2008 Posts: 365
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I think from the below discussions,it is safe to conclude that it can only work if the father is not in the picture,but if he is there,it will always be competition all the time. I will praise thee,O Lord my God,with all my heart: And I will glorify thy name forever more. Psalms 86:12 If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love - Maya Angelou
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/22/2009 Posts: 2,449 Location: Africa
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I'm involved with a man with one kid who's 12 years old. The kid lives with his mother. The father looks after the son's needs: school fees,medical expenses,etc. and i understand that. I have no intention of trying to take the place of his mother 
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/11/2009 Posts: 21
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I had a 'relationship' with someone who had a daughter.
First the whole explanation around the kid was dodgy. 'I didn't love her but slept with her' 'Entrapment' and finally 'I wanted to marry her but my parents refused' - I do believe at 30 you really cannot use your parents opinion as an excuse.
The next bit was that the relationship with mother of the baby was ambiguous (his term for her was 'baby mama' which I find a tad offensive). He paid her bills (understandably as she was making much less) but sorting out water problems at her rented house I thought should not have been his responsibility.
But it all collapsed on the fact that we do not think/reason in sync and not that he had a daughter.
Disguised Opportunity?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2007 Posts: 8,776 Location: Cameroon
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I think ladies most times bring it all on themselves. I wonder why its so hard 4some ladies to keep men....ok,and vice versa...but the former holds more weight. The only reason why some people are still alive is coz its illegal to shoot them!! TULIA.........UFUNZWE!
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/6/2009 Posts: 40
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So many different opinions...which i all respect...!
WIN WIN SITUATION
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