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Should he stay?
Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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@HM
I can never advocate of you gettin into sucha union....what i meant was,even if you are separated,you cant deny him access to the kid if he wants to... and unfornately,that is whether he helps witht he kid or not.... ask TRS....
Some deals are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/13/2008 Posts: 23
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Ngwono thanx for real i can't even have second thoughts of it i can't stay with a man who doesn't respect my mum no matter how bad the situation is my mum is older than him and he should respect her even if she's a pauper as she calls her just because she has no husband! I once asked him supposing i did that to his mum enyewe he'lld never forgive me! Bt thats life its not the end of the world@willin to learn i wrote this post because i want advice i'm a very young person and majourity of skerians here are grown ups and mature i tend to wonder why you should have a problem with my post !
The world would not want to know the storm you encountered in the sea..the problem is ..did you bring back the ship???
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/13/2008 Posts: 23
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Wendz the guy doesn't even care,you knw what excuse he's giving as to why he can't come see the kid? Just coz he has issues with mum? I've not denied him the kid but whats the point of him even comin to see the kid and he doesn't even know or care of her upkeep? Let him just go i want nothing from him
The world would not want to know the storm you encountered in the sea..the problem is ..did you bring back the ship???
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Rank: Member Joined: 12/8/2008 Posts: 359
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@HM.
This would be a no-brainer were no kid involved and what you say is exactly how things are.
However,I cannot give you advice that you can take to the bank because any serious counsel can only be given when audience is given to both parties.
Note that:
1. I am not saying that I do not trust you. Just that it would not be fair to pass sentence on the man without hearing him or his representative.
2. I am not saying that I advocate direspect for elders.
Cause of the kid,I would suggest you go for professional or pastoral counseling or a mutually respected relative or friend depending on what you believe. That is,someone that you can both confide in and unreservedly pour the entire story out to; separately initially if need be. Hoping of course that he will not insult them as well.
If things do not work out even after that,then talk a walk. Confidently.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/4/2008 Posts: 1,703
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@her majesty correction. Am not a man Think Positive Test Negative
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/9/2007 Posts: 219
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HM
The bible says we respect our parents whether they are good / bad.Any disrespect earns you a curse.Now that there is a kid involved i'd suggest before you call it quits sit down you,your mum,the man and wazees and try to iron out issues. This way everyone gets a chance to be heard. After this even if you decide to walk away your conscience will be clear.Remember our God is a God of Breakthrough.
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/13/2008 Posts: 23
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Adept thanks for your advice bv God is my witness the guy has a problem with responsibility this minute as we're talkin just got a call from my mum he's snuck into the house in the name of coming to see the kid! For 2mths he's never bothered neither assisted in any way believe it or not he came empty handed and left after 20minutes nt wanting to know what the kid lacks enyewe put yourself in my shoes will you accept such a man? You can't force someone to take care of his kid he's a grown up man let him do what he thinks is right,blood is thicker than water lets see how far he'll go. Thanx anyway but he's too high headed to listen to anyone!
The world would not want to know the storm you encountered in the sea..the problem is ..did you bring back the ship???
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/13/2008 Posts: 23
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Carygoh sori bout that these names!@ray thanx 4 your advice but it will depend if the man will come to his senses n reason out with the wazees or a guardian..but..
The world would not want to know the storm you encountered in the sea..the problem is ..did you bring back the ship???
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/14/2007 Posts: 4,152
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'Your man goes to an extend of abusin your mum right on her face and even through smeses!' What was the argument all about before he started insulting your mother??????.
HM..
I don't think you are telling us the whole story here....like someone said earlier a sane,sober and drug-free guy can't just decide to insult your mum unless he is seriously offended. It seems to me you had more problems with this man before he started the insults.
So many times i hear women bad mouthing their mothers-in-law....funny thing is that in most cases this doesn't affect the relationship with their men. You should ask yourself why........
life is too short to blend in
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/13/2008 Posts: 1,565
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Does she interfere with the running of the household? Do you have weaknesses that he sees clearly (as a man) but which your mum cannot see (as a mother)? There must be a reason for this - like someone pointed out,iko kitu and perhaps you are not telling it all as it is. I personally would prefer the least interaction with a mother-in-law I do not get along with....I'd steer clear of the phone,the house,etc. There MUST be something - either he feels she is running your family's affairs (by telling YOU what to do and what not to do,what the kid should wear,who to visit,who to be friends with,etc). Basically he might feel that he has married her and you are just a proxy.
The problem with equality is that we desire that it be with those that have more than us rather that those that have less
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/28/2009 Posts: 290
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Her Majesty, How is your relationship with his parents??...Have you discussed this with them? I think they would be of help-unless he also insults them too. The kid definately makes never getting in contact with him hard,bcoz he will alwez want to come under guise of 'kuona mtoto'.That will need help of the professionals the likes of TRS. One thing is clear though,relationshipwise....Bail Out as fast as possible.He can only hurt you as far as you allow him.But my spirit is not convinced that there is something you are holding back.......Is there an event that broke the two of you up that bad.....That made him so vile against even ur mom? Iko kitu ililipua vita.Am NOT in any way in support of that childish insulting behaviour of his.May God Bless You. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners,so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous. Romans 5:19 For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous. Romans 5:19
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/3/2009 Posts: 46
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@YOur Majesty,
I kneel before your esteemed self..My Priceless advise to you..SK is littered with Conmen,devilworshippers,thugs,muggers,rapists,preachers..etc..dont take every advice you read from here..some have never even advised a kid and so be careful sista...if the bugger abused your mama,cut his f***in dick off
rather cry inside a lamborgini,than laugh inside a Startlet
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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@waswa
for a split second there..... you sounded like one of the guys in that list you presented.... and not the preacher!!! ... on a very light note...
Some deals are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/28/2009 Posts: 353 Location: Cloud
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@Majestyin marriage there is no issue that cant be solved. every coin has two sides. in your case the coin has a third side[mum] personally i think hope lies in the two of you 'agreeing to disagree' or you compromise without involving third parties in the dirty bits. Even the shrinks and the pastors have their issues. If there is love left sort it out with your man,be he a pauper or miser,unless of course the marriage was based on mbeca. For i am the master and the captain of my fate ! "For i am the master and the captain of my fate"
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/13/2008 Posts: 23
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Taz n djinn ths man u knw wt excuse he starts giving when i ask him why he abuses my mum he says that he was angry n at that time he was uncontrollable n the moment i refuse to pick up his calls or reply to his texts he knows the only medicine to me is throwin insults at me! Yeah n definately that'll make me talk to him! 4 real even if there's a problem and m on the wrong how does he expect my mum to listen to him later he says he doesn't care! By the way both of his parents died,my mum never converses with him so hakuna kuzoeana that i can swear! U guys i wish you could try and understand!
The world would not want to know the storm you encountered in the sea..the problem is ..did you bring back the ship???
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/13/2008 Posts: 23
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Ja kom ma answer is rait below its olwez been like that just a small issue it becomes a big one some for real are childish but why involve my mum its not logic for real as for my kid al know what to do mean while let him be@waswa haha u made my evening! Ati i chop whaat?
The world would not want to know the storm you encountered in the sea..the problem is ..did you bring back the ship???
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2008 Posts: 3,966
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@Your Royal Highness,for your peace sake,let him scatter. if he can insult your mum on her face,you can only imagine what he would do to you once you are joined in holy matrimony. its a wise decision you makin'...be free... From a Little Spark may burst a Mighty Flame... Luck is when Preparation meets Opportunity. ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/13/2008 Posts: 23
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Kwanini he's the one who's always involving mum in our matterz as much as some things i prefer kipin them to myself am always surprised when mum asks me some questions..@blazin thanx alot i've already made up my mind as we are talking yesterday he met me in town by coincidence with my friend and attacked us just because i called it quits that is not the man i would want around my daughter God will be with me and i'll get a loving man who'll treat me right. Thanx everyone for your support,love you all.
The world would not want to know the storm you encountered in the sea..the problem is ..did you bring back the ship???
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/17/2007 Posts: 1,345
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I had a workmate whose boyfriend used to beat her when they were courting. We advised her to end the relationship cause thos were signs of things to come but she went on and married nhim officially.
One month into the marriage she was in hospital from battering. but she stuck
She gave birth a Year later through CS and the hubby could noe wait for her to get well. He Hit her repeatedly exactly where she had stiches. And this kept on going for some timr that she took a Year to heal from the CS.
Bottom Line - If He is doing it now when you courting.... You aint seen nothing yet. Wait till you get married to him. My Advise Run run run
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/31/2008 Posts: 163 Location: Nirvana
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You must quit battering the Queen's language too. What's with olwez for always?!!!!! That's abuse. And rait for right? Jeez... Sarrouniya |The Universe will correspond to the nature of your song ...
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