Mukiri wrote:Wendz wrote:kimiri wrote:Wendz wrote:If you get a child with a galfriend that you do not intend to marry and you want to be involved in the child's life, and since you are not married, you help the child while with the mother, what happens when you get married? Do they take them home (kwa bibi), abandon and disown, continue helping the kid without your wife's knowledge? It's easy for women, they show up with the kid anyway but there are also communities where women do not go with their kids? in such cases, as a husband, would you allow your wife to continue helping the child while in the other man's house? Would you allow the kid to be coming to your house for visits then goes back to the father? Assuming the father is having difficulties paying school fees for this kid, would you chip in? As who? In the event it is you staying with the kid and you arent able to pay school fees for the kid would you accept the other man to bail you out?
Cucu, don’t tell us that you are into these kinds of problems
I do not want to laugh at you though coz “Rwi itara ruthekaga rwi riko”
No. not at all. But there is someone we are in disagreement with because he has a kid whom he was helping when he was not married but and did not tell the girlfriend, now wife and he feels so guilty about it and doesnt want the wife to know.... the lady(who got he got the kid with has since gotten married) but they arent doing too well... so I actually dont know if to advise to help and how that would affect his and the other guy's family.... the guy is not soo badly off so he can manage to give the kid better education if nothing else. Was just wondering what people do or if anyone knows of a similar situation and how it was handled....
Ask him if he'd mind if roles were reversed and the wife did that to him?
The truth always sets one free!
@Mukiri I think this is not the time for blaming now. This situation requires empathy, which @Wendz has already done by listening and understanding the man.
@Wendz we know the "friend" story
But anyway, whatever the option, she should come out clean. Now three scenarios:
1. The child belongs to the biological father. That is his child because, he is required by the law to provide 100% for the child until 18 years of age.
Now, for this case, this man should:
- come out clean
- Tell the wife that there's something he has not been able to tell her
- And that it's disturbing his conscience
- That he is asking her to please understand him
- Tell her he made a mistake not to tell her something earlier
- That while he was "young", from previous relationship, he made another woman pregnant
- .... daraaaa!!!!!
- this is when fainting or slapping or tearing clothes or .... happens!!!
- tell him not to say anything until she has wiped her tears or stopped breaking things
- then apologize again and tell her he has decided he is going to support his child since he can afford and that he is thinking of taking the child and supporting the child
2. (I'm assuming it is you getting married) if the woman is able to support the child: tell the guy she has a baby, and she is not going to discuss the option of leaving the baby. And the guy should decide now whether he'll accept her with child or not. If not, then she should not marry this guy.
3. If she is not able to support the baby, then she should let the biological father to take the child. Tell the new husband that she's cutting any social affairs with the biological father. She will only meet him when it concerns the child. And ask him to commit to allow her to visit the child once in a while.
NOTE: If the child is a girl, then it's a bit easy for many men. Many will take the woman with the woman with the baby girl. But if it's a boy, then the woman should get a very responsible man, who'll accept this child.