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Just for laughs...corner
symbols
#1731 Posted : Wednesday, September 18, 2013 3:39:41 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/19/2013
Posts: 2,552
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13...13....13...13.'The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick.Then they all started shouting '14...14...14...14....
Gathige
#1732 Posted : Wednesday, September 18, 2013 9:08:29 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/29/2011
Posts: 2,242
C&P,

When a student fails an exam, the father says,
In the UK- you can still do better darling,
In the US. Yes you can, I know you can,
In Kenya- kumbe niriuza ngo'mbe ndio nipereke ng'ombe ingine shule!!
"Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least." Goethe
Manyala
#1733 Posted : Wednesday, September 18, 2013 10:36:40 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 11/8/2011
Posts: 482
Location: Nairobi
Gathige wrote:
C&P,

When a student fails an exam, the father says,
In the UK- you can still do better darling,
In the US. Yes you can, I know you can,
In Kenya- kumbe niriuza ngo'mbe ndio nipereke ng'ombe ingine shule!!


d'oh!
McReggae
#1734 Posted : Wednesday, September 18, 2013 10:40:36 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/17/2008
Posts: 23,365
Location: Nairobi
Gathige wrote:
C&P,

When a student fails an exam, the father says,
In the UK- you can still do better darling,
In the US. Yes you can, I know you can,
In Kenya- kumbe niriuza ngo'mbe ndio nipereke ng'ombe ingine shule!!


Full package:

In U.S....this is my lovely wife.
In Britain..this is my lovely queen.
In Kenya...huyu ndiye mama watoto

In USA, when going to work, wife says "have fun at work hunie"...
In UK, wife says "see you later sweery"
In Kenya, wife says "Chelewa leo tena utaona"

In US husband tells her wife, you look smart in that new dress.
In UK, i miss to walk with you in that dress my dear.
In kenya, inaonekana manager ameanza kukufungia mach.... ukitoka na hiyo nguo tafuta kwenye utarudi..

In the US..dear, i enjoy this walk (walking hand in hand, to bus stage)
In the UK..its my turn to drive
In Kenya...mama mwangi, tanguria nikupate stage

When a student fails an exam, the father says,
In the UK- you can still do better darling,
In the US. Yes you can, I know you can,
In Kenya- kumbe niriuza ngo'mbe ndio nipereke ng'ombe ingine shule!!
..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
washiku
#1735 Posted : Wednesday, September 18, 2013 10:40:43 AM
Rank: Chief

Joined: 5/9/2007
Posts: 13,095
symbols wrote:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13...13....13...13.'The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick.Then they all started shouting '14...14...14...14....


smile Lesson: Mind your own business...
symbols
#1736 Posted : Wednesday, September 18, 2013 10:45:07 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/19/2013
Posts: 2,552
washiku wrote:
symbols wrote:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13...13....13...13.'The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick.Then they all started shouting '14...14...14...14....


smile Lesson: Mind your own business...


LearntLaughing out loudly
XSK
#1737 Posted : Wednesday, September 18, 2013 11:44:16 AM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 12/8/2009
Posts: 975
Location: Nairobi
maka wrote:
symbols wrote:
butterflyke wrote:
symbols wrote:
The linguistics professor decided to spice up his lecture by comparing languages to mathematics. As he scribbled examples on the board, he explained how both math and languages had positives and negatives.

"In both math and language, two negatives, when combined, make a positive. However," he droned on, "in math or
language two positives never make a negative."

From the back row of the room one student sighed, "Yeah, right."



had to re-read this one a couple of times before i got the joke smile


Me too.


Got it first time...clap for me


i still dont get it!
You will know that you have arrived when money and time are not mutually exclusive "events" in you life!
Topesafi
#1738 Posted : Thursday, September 19, 2013 4:39:25 PM
Rank: New-farer

Joined: 8/17/2013
Posts: 19
Location: Nairobi
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.
So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his
knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.

The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts
masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the f*** is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming
Its not how [b]GOOD[/b] you are, Its how BAD you want it
Impunity
#1739 Posted : Thursday, September 19, 2013 4:46:32 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/2/2009
Posts: 26,331
Location: Masada
symbols wrote:
washiku wrote:
symbols wrote:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13...13....13...13.'The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick.Then they all started shouting '14...14...14...14....


smile Lesson: Mind your own business...


LearntLaughing out loudly


Am floating!
Sad
Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.

nostoppingthis
#1740 Posted : Thursday, September 19, 2013 4:58:28 PM
Rank: Chief

Joined: 8/24/2009
Posts: 5,909
Location: Nairobi
washiku wrote:
LUOPEAN SENSATION

A Luo guy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a
very attractive lady.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his
watch for a moment.
The lady notices this and asks, “Is your date running
late?” “No”, he replies,”I just got this state-of the-art watch,
and I was just testing it..”
The intrigued lady says, “A state-of-the-art watch?
What”s so special about it?”
The guy explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me
telepathically.” The lady says, “What”s it telling you now?”
Well, it says you”re not wearing any panties.”
The woman giggles and replies “Well it must be
broken because I am wearing panties!”
The Luo guy smiles, taps his watch and says, “This
damn thing is one hour ahead.”



Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
294 Pages«<172173174175176>»
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