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Just for laughs...corner
Rank: Member Joined: 9/6/2009 Posts: 92
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mundu nu? ni kiarie? "
Life's a wheel of fortune and its my chance to spin it"
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says "Hello". He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher." ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/1/2008 Posts: 834
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/19/2013 Posts: 2,552
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 2/2/2012 Posts: 1,134 Location: Nairobi
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Last night, I went with some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around I saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired a consulting firm to revamp all our processes.
After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."
I was impressed! I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant... That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the end of our "you know what", we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
"Hhmmm...After you get it out, how do you put it back?" I asked.
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others... but I use the spoon."
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2012 Posts: 3,855 Location: Othumo
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A hot secretary came out of her rich boss' office angry. Her colleague asked; "What happened? You went in happy and came out angry." She replied; "He asked me if i'm free tonight? I said absolutely free! . . The bastard then gave me 45 pages to type!" Thieves
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ? Operator: Yes, you can speak to me. Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan! Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this? Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent. Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about? Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital. Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this! Caller: You are so rude! Who are you? Operator: I'm Saw Ree. Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name! Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree… Caller: Oh… God!! ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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chiaroscuro wrote:Last night, I went with some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around I saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired a consulting firm to revamp all our processes.
After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."
I was impressed! I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant... That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the end of our "you know what", we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
"Hhmmm...After you get it out, how do you put it back?" I asked.
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others... but I use the spoon." And he'd be dead meat before he's done with the last word... NKT....
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/7/2012 Posts: 11,935
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Celebration of a LUOpean life well lived... It is with deep sorrow and humble acceptance of God's will that we announce the passing on of Dr. MBChb. CBS. CPA. JJJ Okoth Okoth of John Hopkins hospital, USA. Son to the late prof. Eng. Okoth senior(England) and learned wife Msc. Phil. LLM. Okoth Darling(England). Brother to Emeritus Oluoch Pamba(moscow). Father to 2011 KCSE top student Okoth jr. Of Maranda(Kenya) and kiswahili top student nyanza province Babie Agal (Kisumu girls, Kenya). Brother-in-law to Masazuki suzuki Oluoch(JAPAN). The cadaver of the late will be flown to Kenya via the cheapest private chartered JET or Jaluo's Exclusive Transport, worth 100million on 19th March 2012, followed by a short prayer service that will take place at his chalbi drive off convent home-lavington home on 20th March 2012 at 0900 GMT. Then the cortege consisting of a fleet of the latest models will leave for his well landscaped home in sakwa bondo. Come one come all, take neither breakfast nor lunch, catering by Hilton hotel caterers. Just carry your tears, your tastebuds and your vocal cords. Laktar, we loved you, toyota landcruiser vx loved you, cruiseship loved you, Hawaii loved you,K'Ogallo loved you, samsung company loved you, apple company loved you, LG loved you, DT Dobie loved you, postpaid loved you, universities loved you, 5 star hotels loved you, continents loved you, but God loved you more. Fare thee well laktar. and you didnt even say. In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins - cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later - H Geneen
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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