COPY-PASTE

Barclays Bank have a new drive-through ATM.

Below are the procedures for MALE drivers to follow:


1.Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Wind down your car(BMW X5, PREMIO X, S500, RANGE ROVER SPORT etc) window.
3. Insert card into and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.


Our dear sisters on the other hand….


1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car (VITZ, VITZ, VITZ, VITZ etc)window with cash machine.
3. Re-start the stalled engine.
4. Wind down the window.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6. Turn the radio down.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. After "Invalid Card" is displayed - Remove Nakumatt Smart Card and insert correct Barclays Card
11. Remove Card
12. Re-insert Card the right way up.
13. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
14. Enter PIN.
15. Press "Cancel" and re-enter correct PIN.
16. Enter amount of cash required.
17. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
18. Retrieve cash and receipt.
19. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
20. Place receipt in back of check book.
21. Re-check make-up.
22. Drive forward 2 meters.
23. Reverse back to cash machine.
24. Retrieve card.
25. Re-empty handbag, locate cardholder, and place card into the slot provided.
26. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
27. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
28. Release handbrake.



LOL!!!!

@ nst what sisters are u talking about? Kalenjin sisters ama?

hey com'on man..I did mean to create that impression...only that there were/are those celebs that go by the name ' Kalenjin sistas....the musicians' my apologies too if it came out otherwise
~

I cant even quote....I need lessons on this one...lemmi give it another shot

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One evening, after attending a Rave, two gentlemen were walking down the Moi avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked,

"I'd give Ksh2500.00 to spend the night with that woman."



Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer."



She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.

The following morning the man presented her with Ksh1250.00 as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money, stating "If you don't give me the other Ksh1250.00, I'll sue you for it."



He laughed, saying "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."



Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case.



His lawyer said "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."



After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows:



"Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of Ksh2500.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only Ksh1250.00, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance."



The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. His defense therefore was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it.



"Your honor," he said, "my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, which he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from t he transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."



The young lady's lawyer answered thus:



"Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed; he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted."



In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options:



"Pay the Ksh1250.00 or have the equipment detached and provided to the plaintiff for damages."



The defendant wrote a cheque immediately!

C & P
Dear Sugar
Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. Why this miraculous thing happened is because honey I love you spontaneously and as I stand horizontal to the wall and perpendicular to the ground I only think of you, since you are a fantastic and fabulous girl. D arling please Stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat. To me each day starts by thinking of you and ends by dreaming of you. Each time I see you my metabolism suddenly stops and my peristalsis goes in reverse gear.. My medular-oblangata also stops functioning.
Crazy crazy crazy you may say but this is true.. If only you knew what is going on in my encephalon you would understand. That's why I need to see you face to face with you, soon. I think I have to pen-off here because I still haven't finished studying electrolysis and polymerization. Catch you later. Sleep tight and don't let those bed bugs bite you coz you are too sweet a thing for them.

REPLY
Dear Honie
My Love, My Sugar, I was exasperated with pride to have received one from you, the lungs in my body flapped with joy when I have been reading your letter. Anyway by now you have reached the realisations to why I am jotting this small letter to you, yes it is to see if you are keeping with the sands of time.
How is everything on that other side of yours? Well here everything is just half lemon half sugar to make it Schweppes. How is your schooling? How are you pulling the wagons of life? I am just pulling the schooling thing like a donkey pulling a cart..

My honie, I am missing you very much right now, my heart is perambulating with every word that I write, if it was not for these oceans that decided to flow between us then I would get on the next bus to come and see you, but until then I know that I will not hesitate to put this blue blood on this paper and write to you. I remember that day lovie, that one sweet day as Maria Carey sanged it, you know that it is my favourite song honie. The one day that we were boarding the transport and you escorted me to my home, walking with you just brought sweet dreams to me for the rest of my life honie.

If words of love could ride a bicycle I would be competing against mariah carey Anyways, I will not stop you from reading the books that give you life and education so I will stop here for today.
Please always be writing to me because I am missing you like sugar misses tea.

Keep well my mop of my heart, Yours in flesh and in blood.

copy and paste
this one has made my day

Who said Kenyans can't speak English?

ai yawa?!!!

Jaluo drives into a service station in his battered Volkswagen clad in shorts, All-Stars, funky beard and i-spoti (small hat). He hands the attendant the keys complete with a beautiful Tupac key ring:


"Jasa tank-Super" (jaluo means fill up the tank!)


Attendant: "How much?"

JALUO: "Omera adwaro petrol mar super full tank?" - meaning, hey I said super... full tank!


Attendant: "I only speak English!"

JALUO: "No problem. Good day to you Sir. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorized vehicle. Therefore, I cordially request you to transfer, from your subterranean
reservoir, a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim."


Attendant: "YAWA?"


Jaluo: "Do you have a problem Sir? I thought you said you spoke only English?"


Attendant: "English? That is not English!"


JALUO "My dear Sir, are you veritably attempting to insinuate that you do not even recognize the language which you allege to be your singular means of communication?”

Attendant: "AN'GO


AI YAWA!

But do I say………..

wendz,everlasting keep em coming