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Just for laughs...corner
Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/12/2009 Posts: 925
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A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "He's a midget. 
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/30/2010 Posts: 241
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A kyuk walks into the Accounts office and says 'What is the meaning of this. I have been paid Kshs 200 less than what was decided upon.' The Accountant replies 'I know about it, but you did not complain when we paid Ksh 200 extra by mistake last month.' The kyuk snaps back 'Yeah, I can bear with occasional mistakes but when you make it a habit I think I need to report.' ukiona choo kwa ndoto usiingie, ni mtego!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/7/2007 Posts: 11,935 Location: Nairobi
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....Hii Callaspade bure kabisa  ...Who was harassing who here? Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 2/12/2010 Posts: 78 Location: nairobi
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A certain rich businessman in Nairobi had a very beautiful daughter, who fell in love
with a guy who was a cleaner. When the girl's father came to know
about
their love,
he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.
Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a
happy future.
The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not
find them.
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a
local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow
you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other
truly."
So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed
in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other
side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he
died on the spot The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometime that
she recovered from her shocked. The funeral and cremation was the very
next day because he had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an
old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the
guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother
ignored the dream.
The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.
Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in
fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash
the clothes which have blood stains immediately.
She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the
same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.
Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady
gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something
will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the
stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.
She was very tired.
In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone
knocked @ the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady
of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.
The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue box, which shocked the
girl. She asked "What is this...?" The old lady replied...
"Omo Washing powder ... it will remove all stubborn stains!!!"..
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/9/2009 Posts: 2,003
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Little Johnny is visiting his Granddad on the farm. He races into
the farmhouse and yells excitedly to his Granddad:
"Hey Granddad, the bull is f***ing the cow".
Granddad informs Johnny that he won't tolerate this sort of
playground language on his farm and that in future if Johnny
wants to inform him about such things he should say something
like "Granddad the bull is surprising the cow."
A few weeks later Johnny is again visiting the farm. Once again
he comes racing in and yells:
"Granddad the bull is surprising the cows."
Granddad says to Johnny: "I'm pleased to hear that after my
conversation with you a few weeks ago you have cleaned up your
language. However, your grammar is not quite correct. It is not
"the bull is surprising the cows". It is "the bull is surprising
the cow". The bull can only surprise one cow at a time".
Johnny replies:
"No Granddad, the bull is surprising all the cows because he's f***ing the horse!"
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/7/2007 Posts: 11,935 Location: Nairobi
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@Radio, ...I need that stuff you are smoking Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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@ Callaspade, your joke reminded me of this one:
A doctor at a mental institution has spotted one patient ready to be released considering he has become of sound mind, but to finally prove this, he draws a door on the wall, releases all the patients and tells them that they can now run away through the "door"!
All the muguruki's run towards the "door" struggling to open it to exit except the one the doctor had considered to have been of a sound mind. When he was asked, "...and why aren't you running away like the rest of them?". He replies, "They are all stupid!running towards the "door" to escape, yet i'm the one holding the keys!"
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 1/19/2010 Posts: 33 Location: Nairobi
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He he he ROTFLMAO.... nostoppingthis wrote:@ Callaspade, your joke reminded me of this one:
A doctor at a mental institution has spotted one patient ready to be released considering he has become of sound mind, but to finally prove this, he draws a door on the wall, releases all the patients and tells them that they can now run away through the "door"!
All the muguruki's run towards the "door" struggling to open it to exit except the one the doctor had considered to have been of a sound mind. When he was asked, "...and why aren't you running away like the rest of them?". He replies, "They are all stupid!running towards the "door" to escape, yet i'm the one holding the keys!"
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/1/2009 Posts: 2,436
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Just seen my facebook account and there's a YOU HAVE A FRIEND REQUEST. And there's this grinning guy with a bump on his head requsting to be my friend. Anaitwa Onyancha.Philip Onyancha.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2007 Posts: 8,776 Location: Cameroon
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My oh my! Nostop hiyo kali sana lol! A dude passed by a mental facility n heard the crackheads in there continuously shouting 13...13....13...over n over again. Curiousity got the better of him n he decided to peep thr a hole. Someone suddenly poked his eye fm inside the facility n as he furiously cursed, the tune, much louder n jubiliant than b4, changed to.......14.....14.....14 TULIA.........UFUNZWE!
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 1/7/2010 Posts: 67 Location: NBI
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A monkey is sitting in a tree in a jungle smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey,
"Hey! Whatcha doin'?"
The monkey says, "Smoking a joint. Come up and have some." So the
lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few
joints.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and is going down to
the river to get a drink. "I'll be right back," says the lizard.
The lizard is so stoned that when he gets to the river he leans too
far over and falls into the river. PLOP!!
A nearby crocodile heard and saw the lizard and swam over to help the lizard out.
When the lizard was on the bank, the crocodile asked the lizard "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains that he was sitting smoking a joint with the
monkey in the tree, got too stoned, got a dry mouth, needed to get a drink, came down to the river and then fell in the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out.
So, the crocodile walks up into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, still smoking a joint and he looks up and
says, "Hey!"
Startled, the monkey looks down and shrieks, "SHIT!! How much
water did you drink?!!"
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 1/7/2010 Posts: 67 Location: NBI
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In the world of romance, one single rule applies to
the men:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you
get points. Do something she dislikes and points are
subtracted. You don't get any points for doing
something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game
is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
In the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing
(0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is
something(+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat
with a college buddy (-2)
Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)
Tina has silicon implants (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar
(+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and
your face is painted the colours of your favourite
team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans
(-15)
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get
rid of it(+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy
jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."
(-8000)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points
no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at
the TV(+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep
(-10000)
Now what chance do you have???
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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Copy paste:
African Mothers !!!!
>
> Mom comes to visit her son Mwangi for dinner...who
> lives with a girl
> roommate njambi...
>
> During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't
> help but notice how
> pretty Mwangi's roommate was. She had long been
> suspicious of a
> relationship between the two, and this had only made
> her more curious.
>
> Over the course of the evening, while watching the
> two interact,she
> started to wonder if there was more between Mwangi
> and his roommate than
> met the eye.
>
> Reading his mom' s thoughts, Mwangi volunteered," I
> know what you must
> be thinking, but I assure you, Njambi and I are just
> roommates." About
> a week later, Njambi came to Mwangi saying, "Ever
> since your mother came
> to dinner, I' ve been unable to find the ugali
> flour. "You don't suppose
> she took it, do you? " "Well, I doubt it, but I 'll
> email her, just to
> be sure " So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother, I
> 'm not saying that
> you did take the ugali flour from my house, I 'm not
> saying that you did
> not take the ugali flour. But the fact remains that
> it has been missing
> ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Mwangi.
>
> Several days later, Mwangi received an email from
> his Mother which
> read:
>
> Dear Son, I 'm not saying that you do sleep
> with Njambi, and I'm
>
> not saying that you do not sleep with Njambi. But
> the fact remains that
>
> if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have
> found the ugali
> flour under her pillow by now.
>
> Love,
> Mum.
>
> Moral of the Story..... Don' t Lie to Your
> mother...especially if she
> is African!
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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An Arab was being interviewed at a US
checkpoint.
Your name pls.
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!!
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matter, sometimes even camel !"
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of Cosmo.
Son on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of Playboy
and .... Wife on the cover of "Missing Persons"
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY
section.
Teacher : What do you want to become?
Little Johnny : Doctor !!
Teacher : Why?
Little Johnny : Coz its the only profession where
u can tell a woman
to take off her clothes and ask her husband to
pay for it.
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful,
I'll rather have baby
than have a tooth removed.
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust
the chair accordingly.
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die wanted her
tombstone to read
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened
it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "
A kid asked the priest " Father, what is your
pastime?"
The priest tapped the kid's shoulder and replied
"Nun, my child, nun"
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything, and he had
forgotten everything !!!
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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For the wazua ladies (single)
A store that sells husbands has just opened
where a woman may go to
> choose
> > a
> > > husband from among many men.
> > > The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men
increase in positive
> > > attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
> > >
> > > There is, however, a catch. As you open the
door to any floor you may
> > choose
> > > a man from that floor, but if you go up a
floor, you cannot go back
down
> > > except to exit the building. So a woman goes
to the shopping center to
> > find
> > > a husband.
> > >
> > > On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
> > >
> > > Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
> > >
> > > The woman reads the sign and says to herself,
"Well, that's better
> than
> > my
> > > last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further
up?"
> > > So up she goes. The second floor sign reads:
> > >
> > > Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
> > >
> > > The woman remarks to herself, "That's great,
but I wonder what's
> further
> > > up?" And up she goes again. The third floor
sign reads:
> > >
> > > Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and
are extremely good
looking.
> > >
> > > "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's
upstairs?"
> > >
> > > The fourth floor sign reads:
> > >
> > > Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking
and
> > > help with the housework.
> > >
> > > "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting.
BUT, there must be more
> further
> > > up!" And again she heads up another flight.
> > >
> > > The fifth floor sign reads:
> > >
> > > Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking,
> > help
> > > with the housework and have a strong romantic
streak.
> > >
> > > "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be
awaiting me further
on?"
> So
> > > up to the sixth floor she goes.
> > >
> > > The sixth floor sign reads:
> > >
> > > Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to
this floor. There are no
men
> > on
> > > this floor. This floor exists solely as proof
that women are
impossible
> to
> > > please. Thank you for shopping at Husband Mart
and have a nice day
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 2/12/2010 Posts: 78 Location: nairobi
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A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to
the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like
to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I
can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law!
I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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If Phillip Onyancha was to be interviewed by Jeff Koinange:……..
What a show! what a guest ! what a killer …… he has killed 17 and still counting 83 to go I tell you … And its only a Monday, and the bench is heating up! Waaaah! (looks at him) You cant get these guests anywhere else!
Here we are cool…… what a revelation u can only get in K24
Where we are, even in the times of serial killers, ALL KENYAN (Jeff) ALL THE TIME (Onyancha)
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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radio wrote:Little Johnny is visiting his Granddad on the farm. He races into
the farmhouse and yells excitedly to his Granddad:
"Hey Granddad, the bull is f***ing the cow".
Granddad informs Johnny that he won't tolerate this sort of
playground language on his farm and that in future if Johnny
wants to inform him about such things he should say something
like "Granddad the bull is surprising the cow."
A few weeks later Johnny is again visiting the farm. Once again
he comes racing in and yells:
"Granddad the bull is surprising the cows."
Granddad says to Johnny: "I'm pleased to hear that after my
conversation with you a few weeks ago you have cleaned up your
language. However, your grammar is not quite correct. It is not
"the bull is surprising the cows". It is "the bull is surprising
the cow". The bull can only surprise one cow at a time".
Johnny replies:
"No Granddad, the bull is surprising all the cows because he's f***ing the horse!" hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa! i havent laughed so hard of late! Whoever came up with that!!!!
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Rank: Chief Joined: 3/24/2010 Posts: 6,779 Location: Black Africa
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Intelligentsia wrote:The Pope and Jacob Zuma died on the same day and because of an
administrative mix up the Pope went to hell and Jacob Zuma went to
heaven.
The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in hell, and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error. "However",the clerk explains, "it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified".
Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.
On the way up, the Pope meets Jacob Zuma coming down from heaven and
they stop to have a chat.
"Sorry about the mix up", apologizes the Pope.
"No problem" replied Jacob Zuma,
Pope: "I am really anxious to get to heaven"
Zuma: "Why is that?"
Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"
Zuma: "You're a day late"
Kali! GOD BLESS YOUR LIFE
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/18/2008 Posts: 3,434 Location: Kerugoya
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@Everlasting, I am sending you a bill for cracked ribs and eratic spasms resulting from uncontrollable laughter.
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