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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/4/2006 Posts: 13,821 Location: Nairobi
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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McReggae wrote:DAD: What's 10 plus 10?
JOHNNY: I don't know.
DAD: Idiot! You can't answer such a cheap sum...Your stupidity will kill you.
JOHNNY: Daddy, if you saw a 1000 sh note and a
500 sh note which would you pick?
DAD: 1000 of course
JOHNNY: Idiot! Can't you pick both? Poverty will kill you 
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/9/2013 Posts: 285 Location: hapakule.
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/9/2013 Posts: 285 Location: hapakule.
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 Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please." Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/9/2013 Posts: 285 Location: hapakule.
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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?  Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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 ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/9/2013 Posts: 285 Location: hapakule.
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One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only costs you $10.00." Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: 1. You have tennis elbow. 2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. 3. It will be better in two weeks....... That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis: 1. Your tap water is too hard. 2. Get a water softener. 3. Your dog has ringworm. 4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 5. Your daughter is using cocaine. 6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. 7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/9/2013 Posts: 285 Location: hapakule.
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No. What did that stupid shit do this time?" says the patron. "Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole" says the bartender. "Yeah, well I hope it kills the f***er because he's been driving me nuts" says the patron. The guy finishes his drink and leaves. Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar. He grabs one, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "What now?" responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a peanut up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it" says the bartender. "Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron. "Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!!!" Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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4lourBliss wrote:A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k? hapa nimefloat.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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4lourBliss wrote: Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please." good one.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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kysse wrote:4lourBliss wrote:A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Do Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k? hapa nimefloat. Aaaiii... How now? Please read it again slowly slowly...
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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washiku wrote:kysse wrote:4lourBliss wrote:A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Do Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k? hapa nimefloat. Aaaiii... How now? Please read it again slowly slowly... oh oh jeez!! possible s.harrasment claims pap. I read it hurriedly.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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McReggae wrote:DAD: What's 10 plus 10?
JOHNNY: I don't know.
DAD: Idiot! You can't answer such a cheap sum...Your stupidity will kill you.
JOHNNY: Daddy, if you saw a 1000 sh note and a
500 sh note which would you pick?
DAD: 1000 of course
JOHNNY: Idiot! Can't you pick both? Poverty will kill you Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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4lourBliss wrote: One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only costs you $10.00." Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: 1. You have tennis elbow. 2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. 3. It will be better in two weeks....... That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis: 1. Your tap water is too hard. 2. Get a water softener. 3. Your dog has ringworm. 4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 5. Your daughter is using cocaine. 6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. 7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better Busted!! Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,236 Location: Vacuum
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Never force children to pray. At dinner, a little boy was ordered to lead in prayer... Boy:But I don't know how to pray Dad: Just pray for your family members,friends,,neighbors and the poor etc Boy: "Dear Lord,Thank you for our visitors and their children who have finished all my cookies and ice cream,Bless them so they won't come again.Forgive our neighbor's son who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my dad's phone and provide shelter to the homeless men who uses mom's room when daddy is at work...Amen...." If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Four friends meet 30 years after school. One goes to the toilet, while the other three were discussing about how successful their sons became. The 1st man says his son studied economics became a banker and is so rich and he gave his best friend a Ferrari. The 2nd man said his son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so rich and he gave his best friend a jet. The 3rd man said his son became an engineer, started his own development company, became so rich and he build his best friend a castle. The 4th man came back from toilet and asks what the buzz is about. They told him they were talking about how successful their sons became and ask him about his son. He said his son is GAY and is a stripper at a gay bar, Other three said he must be very disappointed with his son for not becoming successful. Oh no, said the father, he is doing good, Last week was his birthday and he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends...
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/2/2010 Posts: 480 Location: chokoo
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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APIYO: I'm in a big trouble!!!! BOYFRIEND: Why is that? APIYO: I saw a mouse in my house! BOYFRIEND: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap. APIYO: I don't have one. BOYFRIEND: Well then, buy one. APIYO: Can't afford one. BOYFRIEND: I can give you mine if you want. APIYO: That sounds good BOYFRIEND: Next, you'll have to use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap. APIYO: I don't have any cheese. BOYFRIEND: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap. APIYO: I don't have oil. BOYFRIEND: Well, then put only a small piece of bread. APIYO: I don't have bread. BOYFRIEND: Then what is that mouse doing at your house..????????
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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