Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking ganja
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.

I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."

On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:
O o.

Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar diagram," he says. "I drew two circles like this:
o O.

Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'That is your bottom before prison.....'

Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Weedhead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

BOY: Sometimes I just want to call U in the middle of the night and tell you how much I love you.!
GIRL: Awww! Then why don't you.
BOY: Because a voice stops me.
GIRL: What does the voice say?
BOY: Please check to ensure that you have enough Credit to make this call.!

AT THE HOTEL....

OMONDI: niletee traffic police ya illuminati.

WAITER: iyo ndio gani?

OMONDI: chai ya maziwa.

WAITER: oh iyo imeisha.

OMONDI: basi niletee kidero ya size 8.

WAITER: boss sikuelewi!

OMONDI: yaye nataka coffee moto.

WAITER: oh sawasawa basi.

OMONDI: na sukari uweke kama marks ya mtoto wa ruto sawa?

WAITER: sukari kidogo? Hehehe sawasawa.

OMONDI: si uniletee na moyes friedmbili?

WAITER: hehehe

OMONDI: mayai mbili, niwekee tu hapa kando ya arsenal.

WAITER: juu ya table?

OMONDI: kamano!!!!

Marriage Bill Nyeri County Edition:

1. Kama mimi si mrebo,usiniabie ati mimi ni mrebo. Ati dio tu niweze kuigia box. Ama dio carton. Ogea ukweri. Sitakuuma. After all,si wewe uriniumba. So makosa si yako.

2. Ukinipromise utanipereka Zanzibar,tafathari timiza Ahadi. Si ati uniabie tutaeda Zanzibar arafu unipereke Nyahururu. Ama Sagana. Kwani Zanzibar yako inaedagwo na Boda Boda??

3. Mimi ni mwanamke. Nahitaji kukaa vizuri. Na nahitaji kupewo pesa ya kujirebesa. Sio ati kazi tu ni kunipea shirigi hamsini hamsini kira mwezi. Unanipea hamsini nipereke wapi? Kwani ni sadaka??

4. Tukikosana,WEWE DIO UKO KWA MAKOSA. ALWAYS. Na hatutabishana Kijana. Kubari makosa na unyamaze. Na mapenzi yaederee.

5. Kama ni date tafathari nipereke hoteri za guvu. Hoteri ziko na gumo. Nimechoka kuperekwo kwa Mama Waithera. Na nimechoka kutumia vikobe za mabati. Na kukaria viti za bao.

6. Kama mipago yako sio kunioa,tafathari kaa bari na mimi. Usiniretee mushene,ati 'Oh nakupeda,ati Oh,wewe nitaishi na wewe mirere'' arafu uniwashanishe kama lorry imeng'oka muguu kwa barabara. Kichwa yangu inagoga harusi,kama yako haigongi arusi,jipe suguri.

7. Nikiria unafaa unikamate taitly in your arms ukiniabia, 'Sorry baibe. It gonna be orait' sio ati mimi naria na wewe uko hapo unanikodorea maitho kama thinema. Mùgúrúki úyú.

8. Simu yagu ni yako. Na simu yako ni yagu. Hakuna cha ati 'dont tash my phone' . Actually,kira Wednesday tutakuwo tukibadirishana Sim Card.

9. Abia ma EX wako wote wakae bari na wewe. As far as possible. Kwanza wakiweza wahamie Meru. Kama hawataki kuchomwo kama mahidi. Na uwaabie wasiwahi kukutext. Kitu chochote. Ama wakati wowote. Ati kukuabia Gdnyt. Mimi dio nafaa kudecide the kind of night you will have.

10. Ukioba,lazima uobe kwa sauti. Sio ati ujifiche kwa kakona ati unaoba kimoyomoyo,razima niskie kire unaabia Mugu. Ama rabda unamwabia aniodoe kwa maisha yako.

11. Watu wetu wanakuwaga weda wazimu. Washana nao.

12. Razima uote na mimi. Every night. Either uote na mimi. Ama uote ukitegeneza pesa. Anythng else ni hatia. Na ukiota na mimi uhakikishe nimevaa vizuri. Sitaki kuaibishwo kwa doto mimi.

13. Sipedi kukiss. I think ni ujinga kumumunya mudomo ya mtu mwingine,kwani ni peremede ya KSL??

14. Sinaga hobby. So,sitaki maswari za ujiga ati 'What is your hobby?' . Actuarry hobby yagu ni moja tu. Kukupeda. Iyo dio hobby yangu.

15. Utanipereka kwenyu rini? Harakisha. Napeda kutebea.

16. We will never break-up. Ukinipeda hauna bahati. Utanipeda mirere. Kama vire Yesu aripeda Kanisa.

17. Sipedi kushikwo mkono in public. Kwani mimi ni mtoto?? Ama wewe ni baba yagu??

18. Energy Drinks nimekataa. Hizo haufai kukunywa...Unataka Energy ya nini??? Ya kuniwacha???
Ama ya kutoroka??

19. Na pia sipedi kudara darwo ovyo ovyo. Unanidara kwani mimi ni Pages za Bible ya Juliani??

20. Sex tutakuwa tunafanya the godly way. Yaani ire styro ya kawaida ya mababu wetu. Sitaki ati uniretee styro zingine hapa za kishetani. Ati 'Oh rara ivi,ati Oh weka miguu nyuma ya kishwa...ati Oh twede kwa kiti...' Kwani wewe ni Devil Worshipper??

Anyway,KARIBU KWA ROHO YAGU.

Yours Waitherero.

^^^


Njaa-nuary is tough

Boss: Why are you late?

Jonny: There was a man who lost a hundred shilling note.

Boss: ....and so you were helping him look for it?

Jonny: No. I was standing on it.

ISORITE, is this @Wendz we know kweli????