A wife reads a book and says to her husband..'A cow mounts 300 times a year and you don't do a quarter of that!!!' The husband replies, 'and where is it written that it mounts only one cow?!!!

Arrrrgh, ujinga ni kupatia kuku maji moto ndio itage mayai Boilo

AKINYI: hello, shiko i think my husband is cheating on me SHIKO: why do u think so? whats his name and what does he do? AKINYI: his name is Ombewa, he is a pharmacist at umoja and i found sweet messages in his phone from a lady called beatrice SHIKO: ok lets find out if hes really cheating on u *ring ring....ri ng... ring* OMBEWA: hallo.. .the digits being displayed on my android 2960 as incoming are foreign to my records, which assembly of co-joined alphabetical letters shall i embed to the person seeking my audience via the cellular? SHIKO: hello mr. ombewa, my name is sharon from the safaricom shinda na milli promotions and i woud lo.... OMBEWA: pardon my interjection but substitute the prefix Mr. with "Dr." b4 uttering my name as this will avoid confusion with other ombewa's and appreciate the years i sacrificed in attaining that status. it is of paramount importance that i percieve this conversation to be channelled only in my direction. SHIKO: ok dr. ombewa, im sharon from safaricom shinda na amilli and im pleased to inform u that u have won a vacation for two this weekend at mombasa.. OMBEWA: finally safaricom has recognised the reasoning behind their hug profit margins steming from the bulk calls i instigate for both local and international. i accord ur gesture with hospitality. .. SHIKO: ok so i would like the name and details of the person u will be taking to the trip OMBEWA: where they seek her name, just scribble the words "Dr. ombewa's companion" SHIKO: sorry sir, but we actually need a name OMBEWA: Beatrice njeri SHIKO: ok, thank u sir... i want u to talk to the show promoter so that she can give u the details for ur trip to coast *shiko connects akinyi* AKINYI: ombewa wewe...huyooo beatrcice kwisakuwa nani? OMBEWA: ur promoters vocal cords transmit sound in the replicas of my wifes tone. thats astounding SHIKO: ombewa naitwa shiko, from classic 105..hii ni busted.. OMBEWA: u alerted me that u r sharon from safaricom, now shiko from classic 105. subjecting my experience in the field of pharmacetuals and doctorate to practice i can deduce that u are suffering from multi-personality dis- order. i can prescribe u some recomendable medications for ur ailments AKINYI:wewe ombewa kwisa- acha kutangatanga na maneno, ni mimi bibi yako akinyi ambayo wewe naangalia wasichana wengine nyuma yake OMBEWA: akinyi, nyar-loka.. yawaa u achieved a job at safaricom as the promoter?..with ur education tht is remarkable AKINYI: propaganda hawesi kusaidia sai, ambia mimi beatrcice kwisakuwa nani? OMBEWA: akinyi yawaaa, beatrice is just patient i treated and this un- expecte d trip to mombasa was just an avenue to assist in her recuparation via therapy AKINYI: hawesi danganya mimi kama mtoto, Unataka ata mimi nihanye sasa. si ni cha hivyo. si ni tit for tat OMBEWA: yawaaa nyaber do not retaliate in that manner. i detar u to expose that which is matrimonially exclusive to my corneas AKINYI: ata mimi apana taka wewe sasa.... en da na hiyo ndogo ndogo yako na hapana rudi kwa nyumba yangu OMBEWA: u cannot decree a personna non grata upon me as regards to my dwelling. i am the one who remunerates the landlord on a monthly basis SHIKO: si uambie bibi yako beatrcice ni nani? OMBEWA: first and foremost shiko this conversation is recorded on my state of the arts phone. my lawyer will comb the dialogue and sue u for impersonating a safaricom agent and causing me emotional discomfort by instigating deception upon my intellect that i have won trip to mombasa AKINYI: ambia hiyo loya' yako aanze kutengenezea wewe karatasi ya divos. mimi akuna mahali napelekana na wewe. wewe naesa letea mimi hayaki SHIKO: ombewa dont u think that u shuld apologise to ur wife OMBEWA: cease this dialogue b4 i enforce another suit against u for diminishing the voltage in my android via this misplaced conversation AKINYI: yaani wewe bado narusa vitisho na wewe kwisasikwa na suruali chini? OMBEWA: akinyi depart from my dwelling. you ignite cerebral discomfort everytime u spark arguments with my intellect. profits has eluded my pharmacetual business from the fact that i divert most of the medications to treat the never ending head-aches u inflict on me. i used to think that u were my missing rib that i finnaly found only to realise in the end that i ended up with OKIYA OMUTATA'S missing fibula. please go... go and locate your tibia .