aemathenge,hiyo ni kali sana..hahaha,my ribs are aching.

@Chepkel

I am already on the Administrator's (Prefect)little black book so if I translate, I could get eviction orders.

Sorry my friend.

copy paste
An older white haired man walks into a jewerelly shop with a much younger woman. He asks to see some of the jewels the store had, the sales guy shows them a gold necklace and tells them its worth 20000 bob. The guy not impressed asks the sales person to show him the real thing. The guy opens a cabinet and chucks out a... diamond ring worth 800'000 bob. The older guy removes a cheque book and writes a cheque with the ammount. Then tells the sales guy, "since today is a friday and the banks will be closed 4 the weekend. I'l leave you with the cheque and once you confirm its legite i will send someone on monday to come and collect the ring." On monday morning the sales calls the man and tells him that the cheque had bounced. Of which the man answers, "I know but you cant imagine the kind of weekend i had"

@mahegoat


AYUBA bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No. Has
changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
============ ========= ========= =====

AYUBA: I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying?
AYUBA: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
============ ========= ========= =====

AYUBA: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
AYUBA: Can I take it tomorrow, tonight is final game.
============ ========= ========= ====

AYUBA : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
AYUBA : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
============ ========= ========= ====

AYUBA : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
AYUBA : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come
again..
============ ========= ========= =====

AYUBA complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV
in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
AYUBA : 'I was watching TV news...'
============ ========= ========= =====

AYUBA comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'
=========== ========= ========= =====

How do you recognize AYUBA in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the
board.
============ ========= ========= =====

Once AYUBA was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the
man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced
that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
============ ========= ========= =====

AYUBA in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says'
Hello, how did you know I was here?'
============ ========= ========= =====

AYUBA: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup
AYUBA: - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
============ ========= ========= =====

Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
AYUBA: The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
============ ========= ========= =====

AYUBA told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
AYUBA: 'So what? Take an umbrella and go

Mark was not feeling well, bad enough that his wife Sharon had to go and get the test results from the doctor.

"Now Sharon, I don't exactly know what is the problem -- Mark may even die if he doesn't get the right treatment. The only thing is the right treatment is going to seem a little strange. Mark needs to golf as often as he has strength and you need to give him all the sex he can handle." Sharon nodded and left.
When she got home, Mark was anxious to find out what his test results were.

"Well Sharon, what did Doctor have to say? Sharon looked him straight in the face. "Your gonna die."

The Smoking Ban: After public smoking was banned in Kenya , each town clerk was assigned the duty of posting notices in Kiswahili to that effect. See how different councils posted their notice: Other councils are still working on theirs.......

The Mombasa Town Clerk wrote: Uvutaji wa sigara umepigwa marufuku kuanzia leo.Watakaopatikana wakikiuka amri hii wataadhibiwa kwa mujibu wa sheria. Nyote zingatieni.
The Kiambu Town Clerk: Wanyuanji wa thigara washunge sana . Unyuanji wa thigara bere ya watu hata huko ije umefigwa marufuku na kaju kuanjia reo.
The Machakos Town Clerk: Wavulutanji tusikala wasunge sana . Sasa kuvuluta tusikala ni maluvuku na kanzu ya Masaku itawasukulia atua kuvwa sana .
The Kisumu Town Clerk: Atenson Plis!!! Mifuto sgara adharani sasa omepigwa marofuku. Okipaatwa, ibiro yie Kodiaga! Apana furuta Plis!! Wajir Town Clerk: Habana iko buruta sigara. Yeye lishapigwa marufuk na sisi tagaamata mutu bhahala yaghe kiburuta.
Kericho Town Clerk: Gutoga leo gugunywa na gufuruta sigara sisi nagshagataasa. Haguna!! Charipu wee taona!!!
Kisii and Nyamira Town Clerk Akuna kukunywa sigara hapa ndani na inche kuansia reo. Mutakaobatikana mutakura kiboko saa hiyo hiyo. Wote munaombua kujiatari sana

Last week Saturday I went to Central Police Station to certify my documents.
When I entered at the police station, I found a police officer reading the Bible.

I then asked him ' Who killed Abel, Adam's son?"
He answered, "I don't know just ask Sergeant Wekesa over there. He is the one who deals with murder cases..."

Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a priest, and a
pilot are in a plane that is about to crash.The pilot says "Well, we
only have 3 parachutes, let's give them to the 3 Boy Scouts. They are
young and have their whole lives in front of them".The lawyer says
"f*** the Boy Scouts!"...The priest says, "Do we have time?"

@Wendz,
Take notice that I am seeking leagal redress and or otherwise from your estate for causing serious bodily harm to my ribcage.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director,
'How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?'
'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty
the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

''No,' said the Director. 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed near the window?'