That Kajiado County satellite towns within Nairobi Metropolitan have come of age is as irrefutable as the rising of the sun. Long gone are the days when it was thought of as a sleepy backwater dotted by dust, manyattas and idle goats ambling about at a leisurely pace across the vast, empty acacia-dotted African savannah. Today, unless one has consumed some serious drugs that engender kooky hallucinations, it is laughable to say that Dustbowl County satellite towns are not at the cutting edge of social and economic development in Kenya today.

Of the top ten largest towns in Kenya, according the the KNBS 2019 Census, two (Ongata Rongai at 172,569 and Kitengela at 154,436) are Dustbowl cities, with Kitengela (Jewel in the Crown of Dustbowl County) being by far Kenya's fastest growing city, having more or less tripled in population since the 2009 Census.


Dustbowl has crossed the rubicon.

There is no turning back on its development. The simple economics dictate so. Most affordable land value per equal distance from the CBD and most sparsely populated zone with limitless bounds of land, plus a most peaceful, hospitable and welcoming resident population makes for a powerfully irresistible settlement trifecta. But enough with the boring facts and on to the story.

I love gates. And homes. And roofs. And wall-master paint jobs. Heck, I love everything to do with real estate. You can tell a lot about a person from the type of gate they have at the entrance to their home. You can also tell a lot about someone from the design of their house, the landscaping and the types of structures and activities extant within the four walls of their plot.

I also love to leave the car behind on certain cool early mornings and just walk like a regular mwananchi from gated community to gated community inspecting the types of houses people are building, getting ideas and talking to different people you inevitably encounter during such journeys.

There is something about the smell of tea or coffee and pancakes wafting from your neighbour's house as you lock your gate behind you, put the keys in your pocket and commence your stroll. Roast njugus too, as a cock crows in the distance, heralding a new day, pregnant with so many new opportunities that DC has now become famous for. If you are lucky, you will catch a leggy pair of pretty ladies taking their furious morning jog to ward off corona. If not; a mangy dog with no owner, roaming from estate to estate, feeding on scraps and impregnating all the female dogs within a 10km radius.

In the distance, the sun will peek gloriously over the majestic Ukambani hills that kiss the vast plains in the foreground. Casting its warm rays in glee as an eagle floats fluidly in the sky piggybacking on the warm Kajiado winds. The porous borders between the estates allow for ease of movement between the same. Well beaten paths on the black cotton soil evince regular human traffic.

Fresh mounds of cow dung and goat pellets track the paths of the animal traffic. Huge ants sometimes walk in single file on their own microtrails that may stretch for several hundred metres. The vegetation on the wide open spaces within the estates is a tatty mix of hardy thistles, brush and species of rough grass that even the goats refuse to eat except during the worst of dry seasons.

Then the lovely homes take grip of your eyes.

Some stately, others super beautiful, most are lovely but a few are eyesores that are difficult to stomach visually. Interestingly, ten years ago, these vast swathes of several thousands of acres of gated communities and homes was a barren Savannah. Jewel in the Crown is a very young and new city and it shows. Vigorous construction activity is the norm within the estates. In fact, if you are in a Jewel in the Crown estate and do not hear the sound of clanging hammers and deformed iron bars falling to the ground as well as concrete being mixed, you are probably not in DC county to begin with.

These sounds are normal that most DC residents have become oblivious to them. I had a friend visit me the other day and they asked me "what is that noise?" What noise? I responded. It took a second keen listen for me to realise what they were talking about. That is DC for you.

That being said, here are the different types of homeowners you will encounter in DC on any given day;

The Windfall Guy.

This guy has a name like Abdi or Omar, with a mysterious source of wealth. His house is heavily Islamic in design and so is his gate. Lots of moon shapes, a flat roof and light yellow to lime green wall colours. He struck one huge, shadowy deal somewhere; perhaps in Hargesia, Puntland or Yemen and is set up for life. But being frugal, he did not buy in Muthaiga or Runda. He bought himself a nice 1/4 acre plot and built a cozy mansion therein. The driveway is always quarry chips with square kerbs. The only glimmer of extravagance is the three grounded luxury cars - some with flat tires - parked therein. Probably obtained through some shadowy deal. Can always been seen strutting up and down the balcony in a white cap and kanzu while speaking gingerly on his phone. Never talks to neighbours at all at all at all. Good luck getting even one coin in any communal fees (security, estate development and so on) from him!

The Young Hustler

This guy almost always is between the ages of 25-28 and university educated to boot. He either writes for gossip blogs, pens papers for students, has started a video production company or does wedding photography which pays very well as people are getting married daily with no end in sight in this our beautiful republic. He took 5 years to finish paying the 1m loan on his DC plot. The same day he got title deed he fenced, built a mabati shack and moved in to save rent. The rest is history. He has slowly built a perimeter wall and gate (always black and uncomplicated to save on money) for privacy. He has also taken two years to build a cozy 2 bedroom bungalow in which he currently lives. Box profile (red) roof. Only one gutter on the fascia of the back of the house with a downspout leading to a 5000L Jumbo Tank laying on the ground below. A chicken coop in the back and sukuma wiki/maize/beans everywhere within the compound is the norm. Slowly by slowly he is pulling himself up by his bootstraps in this heartless society. Surely and securely, the future of DC (and Kenya) belongs to him.

The CS.

Never to be seen even in what others consider very nice middle class estates, the CS has only bought land in the poshest gated community in DC. To further seal off the prying public, he has bought all the 1/4 acre plots around him and combined everything upon which he has built a manse fit for Croesus! You can spot it from 3km away. Very high pitched roof that grazes the Kajiado winds like a church spire. Three levels of flooring with imposing balconies that are large enough to fit 30 people on for a cocktail party. Security cameras, razor wire and 15 course Kedowa stone fences all around. The gate has two levels. Level one is a military style one (concrete weight), thick round iron pipe and rope at end, with two menacingly armed GSU Recce askaris in full military regalia manning the same. The second is a 16 foot wide Nigerian style gate with all the bells and whistles. The gardens within would fit quite well in Muthaiga. Red bottle brushes, palm trees, a pool, English style gazebo and round cabro driveway with fountain in the middle. Good luck trying to find any chinese tiles or finishings inside said house. Granite, hardwood floors, no clunky gypsum ceilings, just elegant mahogany beams. And dark elegant wainscoating in all the rooms.

Njoro.

Njoro is the nightmare neighbour you do NOT want to live next to. This is the guy who is in his 50s. His wall is soil blocks, roof is rusty thinnest gauge mabati, has a poorly built home that he did on his own with unkeyed walls, a crumbling chimney and ducks waddling around his compound. Half the plot is dedicated to his water purification and vending biz. He has at least 18 elevated tanks standing on a rickety lattice of poorly built concrete tank stands with the water leaks turning the concrete an unpleasant shade of black. Moss all over the place. Three battered water bowser trucks are busy relaxing on his black cotton soil driveway. Hata quarry chips hawezi weka. A water kiosk manned by his 16 year old daughter peeps through his soil block wall. Above the wall extrudes a huge pipe to fill other bowsers with. It is always leaking 24/7. Lakini usimuone Njoro ni mtu hivi hivi. With the millions he is minting from this biashara, he has bought up half of Kahuguini town and has 10,000 acres safely secured in Ilkusumeti, DC for future development. Always has a godpapa hat, leather jacket, black Chinese jeans, cowboy boots and a toothpick sticking out of his mouth. Talks with a stutter and has a shifty look in his eyes.

The Msungu yaani Beberu from Romania, yaani Yuri Ganganov

This guy fled from Romania on a murder charge to the wilds of Africa. The highlight of his house is a well manicured garden. Inside, lots of makuti structures. The main house is a single storey glass tilt up with a massive verandah where he can be spotted - always barefoot, very hairy, in shorts and shirtless, smoking his cigarettes and sipping Kenyan coffee. He is waiting for all the judges, witnesses and police officers involved in his case to die before he returns to Europe, perhaps in 30 years time. For now he is enjoying the sun and low cost of living in Africa.

Calvinus PhD.

This guy has taken ten years to build his structure yet has neither moved in nor is he known by any of his neighbours. Anatuma pesa tu and lets his foreman handle the rest. Kukuliwa si kitu, he does not care! The house has beautiful bush cut stones in various colours. Exotic plants and flowers dot the outside of the beautiful perimeter wall. Everything is high end. Even his perimeter wall lamps look good enough to be the main lighting fixtures in the average person's home. Solar Water heater is top of the line. Roofing is the most expensive decra. Wall cladding is mazeras tile juu mpaka chini including elegant chimney. If you visit the inside you might collapse in shock! His kitchen looks like something that came out of a Hollywood movie. The contractors love him because he spares no expense. 15 million already GONE and he is still spending with several more years to go before the house is complete.

The NSSF/NHIF/KPC senior manager.

Always rolls into his house in a top of the line range rover with windows so dark you need a torch to see inside. His house is beautiful but modest as he does not want unnecessary attention. It is one of his 15 homes dotted all over DC, Kiambu County, Kilifi and Athi River. He is rumoured to have a chopper safely parked at Wilson. Promptly pays all dues and bothers nobody. Has his own borehole with elevated steel tank but never sells to anyone. We all know how he made his money.

The Returnee

You can spot this guy from a mile away. Always in shorts, pati pati and a shirt with loud letters on it. Shades are his favourite accessory when strolling through the neighbourhood. His house is unique; with a design seldom seen in Kiinya. Hedge is well trimmed to a tee. He sometimes has a flag of UK or USA hanging on a pole right by the front door. The car is always a used toyota. He got deported 10 years ago from Texas or Manchester and has never looked back. Runs a small choma/carwash/sports bar in Rongai town that is very popular with diaspora deportees as well as middle class Kenyans in that hood. His five babies he left abroad are still wondering when daddy will come back. Mummy has never heard from him since he left. Not even an email.

The retired civil servant.

This lady bought her plot in DC in the early 2000s when a 1/4 was going for 200k or even less. She built her modest bungalow and moved in when everybody said DC is bush and will never be settled upon. She is now sitting on 12 million (house and plot). Comfortably enjoying her pension, she is enjoying her sunset years going to church and sipping tea with boiled maize every morning. Terrazo verandahs, orientile roof and well keyed beautiful walls comprise her bungalow.

The importer.

Without fail, always has at least 6 containers lying within his plot, which is 1/2 acre after he has combined two plots into one. All sorts of goods from Dubai (dufai) and China pass through those containers on their way to stalls all over DC and Nairobi core CBD. He has at least 20 motion censor cameras, solar street lighting, and solar panels on the roof that power the whole house. Can be spotted at Pavilion in Jewel in the Crown every evening with two stunning twenty-something beauties (none of them his wife) in a well fitting suit, buying rounds and choma like it was going out of fashion. The house is three stories with a mareba roof. No ducks or chickens anywhere. The lawn is nyweee all around. A new Merc for himself and beemer for wife both relax in the garage. A set of swings and slides for the kids are on the plot too, as well as a grilling area complete with outdoor seating and chimney. Disappears for months on end (without his wife of course) to go source goods in Guangzhou or UAE. Very humble guy. But has a sidechick in every neighbourhood in DC as well as one in Dufai and Guanghzou.

The Poser.

This guy lives in a massive DC mansion with all the bells and whistles. Spanking new Prado is his car. Always having disputes with neighbours about "too much noise" and so on. You would think he is a big shot until you discover the house is rented and the prado is on loans.

Many more types exist. Hiyo ni sampuli tu.

NIMESEMA!

You should be on your 10th book! You can write
I am tempted to join the DC Crew lakini wacha ni pambane na effects za covid kwanza

I always pictured you as a returnee

Anyway, good writing. You should start a DC blog. I promise to buy advertising on it.

Is that safaricom 1 near Muigai?

Haki Amorphous you are the best! This read helped get through a very boring call:)

Namjua huyo Njoro grrrrr..Lakini you forgot the neighbor with a children's home staffed by young tumzungu girls. You know the ones...

Yep. Got some in those locality. 2006/7 a quarter was below 500K when I got in.

You are sitting pretty brother. At 3.5 and up at present, this is why I say DC is the future. In 1999 in Kite CBD same size was going for 10k. Hindsight is always 20-20 but I surely wish I had bought like 10 acres at that time. Oh well.. of wishes and horses.

We got more in common and we should compare notes