I didn't know that the whole of my body was a mass of fears and tears. I knew my stomach had something, but my shoulders? My shin? My eyes? Even my dick is a reservoir of tears.

That I can have so much pain stored in me is a wonder.

And that I'm healing: everyday crying a bit, everyday welcoming the sensation of the pain stored in my memory-body, while gaining my mind, is an even greater wonder.

Oh God! My mother, father and lover, Oh how great you are! How great!

By your names you have sealed my gates. By your light you renew me, and make me holy.

Oh what healing there is, in the great tree!

How does the self come to light and disintegrate? Like the mythical vampire?

The vampire tricks itself and listens to the voice of God calling.

And in heeding the call the gates to the vampire are filled with the light, the name of God.