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How to kill or chase away monkeys forever
Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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unacum? If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/5/2011 Posts: 1,059
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At home if a lady is by herself the monkeys will harass her, but if a man or a boy is around they keep their distance, my 3 year old boy can comfortably eat his lunch outside with no issues, my mum on the other hand can't even drink water outside without the monkeys climbing down from the trees, woe unto you if you leave your kitchen open, they now actually know how to turn cabinet keys. But kill them ? no live and let live To Each His Own
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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kayhara wrote:At home if a lady is by herself the monkeys will harass her, but if a man or a boy is around they keep their distance, my 3 year old boy can comfortably eat his lunch outside with no issues, my mum on the other hand can't even drink water outside without the monkeys climbing down from the trees, woe unto you if you leave your kitchen open, they now actually know how to turn cabinet keys. But kill them ? no live and let live It's tough being a woman If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/28/2015 Posts: 9,562 Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
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kayhara wrote:At home if a lady is by herself the monkeys will harass her, but if a man or a boy is around they keep their distance, my 3 year old boy can comfortably eat his lunch outside with no issues, my mum on the other hand can't even drink water outside without the monkeys climbing down from the trees, woe unto you if you leave your kitchen open, they now actually know how to turn cabinet keys. But kill them ? no live and let live Get yourself a nice nyahunyo and show them that you are tired of monkey business.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/13/2015 Posts: 1,589
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Lolest! wrote:wukan wrote:essyk wrote:The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.
any ideas? Simple get your male friends or male relatives to visit more often. If you can't get a man to come over dress like a man and do the male dominance ritual(expand your thorax and do chest thumping) standing on your windows. Ofcourse your neighbors will think you are weird but the monkeys will get the memo. Monkeys and other primates tend to look down on women. Even in the forest shambas monkeys will harass women but flee once a man appears. I thought monkeys can tell women apart from men even with confusing clothing Something about scents I was told by some KWS guy that monkeys can even tell when a woman is from a copulation session Yes they can tell that's why I gave that as an alternative option. At least the monkeys have not started the sexual harassment part http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6959209.stm
Quote:Nachu's women have tried wearing their husbands' clothes in an attempt to trick the monkeys into thinking they are men - but this has failed, they say.
"When we come to chase the monkeys away, we are dressed in trousers and hats, so that we look like men," resident Lucy Njeri told the BBC News website
"But the monkeys can tell the difference and they don't run away from us and point at our breasts. They just ignore us and continue to steal the crops."
In addition to stealing their crops, the monkeys also make sexually explicit gestures at the women, they claim.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/1/2011 Posts: 8,804 Location: Nairobi
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It's not about being a woman. It's about not having power, even as a woman.
If you can build your own power, then you can solve any problem.
One power well distributed among women for example is magick.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that it's not about the monkeys. It's about you calling the monkeys to yourself, and letting them reign.
Change your self and the monkeys won't bother you. No, I'm not suggesting you do a trans-gender. The self appears to be beyond gender.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/20/2009 Posts: 1,402
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In The bible
Judges 15:3-6
may be you could try for Monkeys.
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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tycho wrote:
One power well distributed among women for example is magick.
Wacha philosophy mingi, the only magick relevant here is that of a woman taking in sperms and delivering a baby nine months after. tycho wrote:
It's about you calling the monkeys to yourself, and letting them reign.
Are you suggesting that My Kysse should allow monkeys to copulate with her? If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/15/2011 Posts: 4,518
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Pesa Nane wrote:Strange but works. Guaranteed results. (Feel free to consult any Filipino)
Gather enough chicken poop (White, watery for best results). Spot the monkey and give it a nice hit (spray) with the chicken poop. By nice hit, I mean ensure the monkey has a poop patch and watch the results. Report results here and help a friend. The monkeys I am referring to are revengeful. I might end up wih poop on my face. But you know what? its not bad to try.. "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/28/2015 Posts: 9,562 Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
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Monkeys are our closest relatives and thus we share lots in common, including biology and pheromones. However they beat us when it comes to sensing pheromones in the air. Humans lost the capability. That is why monkeys attack women since they are excited by the female pheromones. Much like a bull gets excited when it senses pheromones of a cow on heat. So essyk stay away from monkeys especially when you are ovulating since they can sense you are "on heat" and thus get sexually excited/aroused and thus "want to mount you".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/15/2011 Posts: 4,518
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Fullykenyan wrote:essyk wrote:Fullykenyan wrote:Invest in rubber snakes. Monkeys are very scared of snakes. If you get pepper spray it can also help Very nice thanks.Pepper spray will do.A lot of pepper. Zitashangaa!! Just make sure you are not in the direction of the wind. Rubber snakes are however very effective. Monkeys lose their young ones every year from snake bites. Therefore, all precaution is taken by them to avoid snakes at all costs 8 snakes will do Thanks. "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/15/2011 Posts: 4,518
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Lolest! wrote:wukan wrote:essyk wrote:The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.
any ideas? Simple get your male friends or male relatives to visit more often. If you can't get a man to come over dress like a man and do the male dominance ritual(expand your thorax and do chest thumping) standing on your windows. Ofcourse your neighbors will think you are weird but the monkeys will get the memo. Monkeys and other primates tend to look down on women. Even in the forest shambas monkeys will harass women but flee once a man appears. I thought monkeys can tell women apart from men even with confusing clothing Something about scents I was told by some KWS guy that monkeys can even tell when a woman is from a copulation session Now this makes me even more angry. They must die. "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/15/2011 Posts: 4,518
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Will castrate a few after spraying them with pepper. "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/15/2011 Posts: 4,518
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kayhara wrote:At home if a lady is by herself the monkeys will harass her, but if a man or a boy is around they keep their distance, my 3 year old boy can comfortably eat his lunch outside with no issues, my mum on the other hand can't even drink water outside without the monkeys climbing down from the trees, woe unto you if you leave your kitchen open, they now actually know how to turn cabinet keys. But kill them ? no live and let live They need to respect humans. At my area no one opens their windows. I used to be tolerant,until it walked majestically infront of me carrying my avocado from the kitchen.Another time it took sweet bananas from the dining table.Now it's entering my bedroom window. It's a marked and wanted one. I am Saying NO to Monkey terrorism. "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/15/2011 Posts: 4,518
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wukan wrote:Quote:Nachu's women have tried wearing their husbands' clothes in an attempt to trick the monkeys into thinking they are men - but this has failed, they say.
"When we come to chase the monkeys away, we are dressed in trousers and hats, so that we look like men," resident Lucy Njeri told the BBC News website
"But the monkeys can tell the difference and they don't run away from us and point at our breasts. They just ignore us and continue to steal the crops."
In addition to stealing their crops, the monkeys also make sexually explicit gestures at the women, they claim. What the hell!! A monkey? I am more determined to teach one a lesson.Just one..The dominant one. "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/1/2011 Posts: 8,804 Location: Nairobi
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Swenani wrote:tycho wrote:
One power well distributed among women for example is magick.
Wacha philosophy mingi, the only magick relevant here is that of a woman taking in sperms and delivering a baby nine months after. tycho wrote:
It's about you calling the monkeys to yourself, and letting them reign.
Are you suggesting that My Kysse should allow monkeys to copulate with her? I understand you @Swenani. I understand my self. There's a new word in the dictionary. It's called 'Mansplaining'. The monkey is a man, essyk needs a monkey either way. An alpha at that. Then the other monkeys will keep off. But maybe essyk has some other ideas of how to be a monkey. Maybe a gorilla thumping its chest in the wazuan jungle. But there's also a snake. Venom like pepper But the snake is a man Down the tree it whispers Perennially to evesk Of the tree of knowledge.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/15/2011 Posts: 4,518
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tycho wrote:Swenani wrote:tycho wrote:
One power well distributed among women for example is magick.
Wacha philosophy mingi, the only magick relevant here is that of a woman taking in sperms and delivering a baby nine months after. tycho wrote:
It's about you calling the monkeys to yourself, and letting them reign.
Are you suggesting that My Kysse should allow monkeys to copulate with her? I understand you @Swenani. I understand my self. There's a new word in the dictionary. It's called 'Mansplaining'. The monkey is a man, essyk needs a monkey either way. An alpha at that. Then the other monkeys will keep off. But maybe essyk has some other ideas of how to be a monkey. Maybe a gorilla thumping its chest in the wazuan jungle. But there's also a snake. Venom like pepper But the snake is a man Down the tree it whispers Perennially to evesk Of the tree of knowledge. You two! Thread is a simple dicussion about sokwe or tumbili or nyani. don't dig in too much.Its not complex. "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/7/2012 Posts: 11,908
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essyk wrote:tycho wrote:Swenani wrote:tycho wrote:
One power well distributed among women for example is magick.
Wacha philosophy mingi, the only magick relevant here is that of a woman taking in sperms and delivering a baby nine months after. tycho wrote:
It's about you calling the monkeys to yourself, and letting them reign.
Are you suggesting that My Kysse should allow monkeys to copulate with her? I understand you @Swenani. I understand my self. There's a new word in the dictionary. It's called 'Mansplaining'. The monkey is a man, essyk needs a monkey either way. An alpha at that. Then the other monkeys will keep off. But maybe essyk has some other ideas of how to be a monkey. Maybe a gorilla thumping its chest in the wazuan jungle. But there's also a snake. Venom like pepper But the snake is a man Down the tree it whispers Perennially to evesk Of the tree of knowledge. You two! Thread is a simple dicussion about sokwe or tumbili or nyani. don't dig in too much.Its not complex.  In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins - cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later - H Geneen
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/27/2014 Posts: 560 Location: Eastlando
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essyk wrote:Fullykenyan wrote:essyk wrote:Fullykenyan wrote:Invest in rubber snakes. Monkeys are very scared of snakes. If you get pepper spray it can also help Very nice thanks.Pepper spray will do.A lot of pepper. Zitashangaa!! Just make sure you are not in the direction of the wind. Rubber snakes are however very effective. Monkeys lose their young ones every year from snake bites. Therefore, all precaution is taken by them to avoid snakes at all costs 8 snakes will do Thanks. Dont forget to change their position everyday. This is because Monkeys are very smart and they can easily tell if you are playing games with them. One thing, you should not do, dont try to corner them. Their animal instinct will kick in and you will leave to regret it.
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/10/2010 Posts: 281 Location: Nairobi
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Don't feed the monkey.
Whatever you do, your place should be clear of any food they can take. Yes it's an inconvenience but they learn pretty quickly that there is nothing there for them.
If your compound is not very large, get some big dogs.
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