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How to kill or chase away monkeys forever
Swenani
#16 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 10:31:26 AM
Rank: User

Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 13,237
Location: Vacuum
Angelica _ann wrote:
Swenani wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Nyasaye!!! Kachavari?

Move to my house


Kwani, you won't feed on her?


Atleast she will be feed on by a monkey which evolved to a human beingsmile smile
If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
Lolest!
#17 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 11:33:58 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/18/2011
Posts: 12,069
Location: Kianjokoma
wukan wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Simple get your male friends or male relatives to visit more often. If you can't get a man to come over dress like a man and do the male dominance ritual(expand your thorax and do chest thumping) standing on your windows. Ofcourse your neighbors will think you are weird but the monkeys will get the memo. Monkeys and other primates tend to look down on women. Even in the forest shambas monkeys will harass women but flee once a man appears.

I thought monkeys can tell women apart from men even with confusing clothing

Something about scents

I was told by some KWS guy that monkeys can even tell when a woman is from a copulation session
Laughing out loudly smile Applause d'oh! Sad Drool Liar Shame on you Pray
Swenani
#18 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 12:04:15 PM
Rank: User

Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 13,237
Location: Vacuum
Lolest! wrote:
wukan wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Simple get your male friends or male relatives to visit more often. If you can't get a man to come over dress like a man and do the male dominance ritual(expand your thorax and do chest thumping) standing on your windows. Ofcourse your neighbors will think you are weird but the monkeys will get the memo. Monkeys and other primates tend to look down on women. Even in the forest shambas monkeys will harass women but flee once a man appears.

I thought monkeys can tell women apart from men even with confusing clothing

Something about scents

I was told by some KWS guy that monkeys can even tell when a woman is from a copulation session


Yes, they can also tell /sense when a lady is ovulating
If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
ZZE123
#19 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 12:19:03 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/21/2008
Posts: 2,490
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


I know a case in Nakuru where a Monkey “ate” a lady!!Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray @ essyk please don’t expose your bread as this might increase the Monkeys appetite
The man who marries a beautiful woman, and the farmer who grows corn by the roadside have the same problem
Julie
#20 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 12:30:44 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 12/2/2006
Posts: 658
uuuwiiii
Swenani
#21 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 12:33:02 PM
Rank: User

Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 13,237
Location: Vacuum
Julie wrote:
uuuwiiii

unacum?
If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
kayhara
#22 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 12:40:02 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 5/5/2011
Posts: 1,059
ZZE123 wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


I know a case in Nakuru where a Monkey “ate” a lady!!Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray @ essyk please don’t expose your bread as this might increase the Monkeys appetite

At home if a lady is by herself the monkeys will harass her, but if a man or a boy is around they keep their distance, my 3 year old boy can comfortably eat his lunch outside with no issues, my mum on the other hand can't even drink water outside without the monkeys climbing down from the trees, woe unto you
if you leave your kitchen open, they now actually know how to turn cabinet keys.
But kill them ? no live and let live
To Each His Own
Swenani
#23 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 1:24:59 PM
Rank: User

Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 13,237
Location: Vacuum
kayhara wrote:
ZZE123 wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


I know a case in Nakuru where a Monkey “ate” a lady!!Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray @ essyk please don’t expose your bread as this might increase the Monkeys appetite

At home if a lady is by herself the monkeys will harass her, but if a man or a boy is around they keep their distance, my 3 year old boy can comfortably eat his lunch outside with no issues, my mum on the other hand can't even drink water outside without the monkeys climbing down from the trees, woe unto you
if you leave your kitchen open, they now actually know how to turn cabinet keys.
But kill them ? no live and let live


It's tough being a woman
If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
hardwood
#24 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 1:53:28 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 7/28/2015
Posts: 9,562
Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
kayhara wrote:
ZZE123 wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


I know a case in Nakuru where a Monkey “ate” a lady!!Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray @ essyk please don’t expose your bread as this might increase the Monkeys appetite

At home if a lady is by herself the monkeys will harass her, but if a man or a boy is around they keep their distance, my 3 year old boy can comfortably eat his lunch outside with no issues, my mum on the other hand can't even drink water outside without the monkeys climbing down from the trees, woe unto you
if you leave your kitchen open, they now actually know how to turn cabinet keys.
But kill them ? no live and let live

Get yourself a nice nyahunyo and show them that you are tired of monkey business.
wukan
#25 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 2:05:09 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 11/13/2015
Posts: 1,652
Lolest! wrote:
wukan wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Simple get your male friends or male relatives to visit more often. If you can't get a man to come over dress like a man and do the male dominance ritual(expand your thorax and do chest thumping) standing on your windows. Ofcourse your neighbors will think you are weird but the monkeys will get the memo. Monkeys and other primates tend to look down on women. Even in the forest shambas monkeys will harass women but flee once a man appears.

I thought monkeys can tell women apart from men even with confusing clothing

Something about scents

I was told by some KWS guy that monkeys can even tell when a woman is from a copulation session


Yes they can tell that's why I gave that as an alternative option. At least the monkeys have not started the sexual harassment part http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6959209.stm

Quote:
Nachu's women have tried wearing their husbands' clothes in an attempt to trick the monkeys into thinking they are men - but this has failed, they say.

"When we come to chase the monkeys away, we are dressed in trousers and hats, so that we look like men," resident Lucy Njeri told the BBC News website

"But the monkeys can tell the difference and they don't run away from us and point at our breasts. They just ignore us and continue to steal the crops."

In addition to stealing their crops, the monkeys also make sexually explicit gestures at the women, they claim.
tycho
#26 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 2:18:00 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 7/1/2011
Posts: 8,804
Location: Nairobi
It's not about being a woman. It's about not having power, even as a woman.

If you can build your own power, then you can solve any problem.

One power well distributed among women for example is magick.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that it's not about the monkeys. It's about you calling the monkeys to yourself, and letting them reign.

Change your self and the monkeys won't bother you. No, I'm not suggesting you do a trans-gender. The self appears to be beyond gender.
Muheani
#27 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 2:27:56 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 11/20/2009
Posts: 1,402
In The bible

Judges 15:3-6

may be you could try for Monkeys.
Swenani
#28 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 2:36:23 PM
Rank: User

Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 13,237
Location: Vacuum
tycho wrote:


One power well distributed among women for example is magick.



Wacha philosophy mingi, the only magick relevant here is that of a woman taking in sperms and delivering a baby nine months after.

tycho wrote:

It's about you calling the monkeys to yourself, and letting them reign.



Are you suggesting that My Kysse should allow monkeys to copulate with her?
If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
essyk
#29 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 3:07:10 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 11/15/2011
Posts: 4,518
Pesa Nane wrote:
Strange but works. Guaranteed results. (Feel free to consult any Filipino)

Gather enough chicken poop (White, watery for best results). Spot the monkey and give it a nice hit (spray) with the chicken poop. By nice hit, I mean ensure the monkey has a poop patch and watch the results. Report results here and help a friend.


The monkeys I am referring to are revengeful.
I might end up wih poop on my face.

But you know what? its not bad to try..
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
hardwood
#30 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 3:10:34 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 7/28/2015
Posts: 9,562
Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
Monkeys are our closest relatives and thus we share lots in common, including biology and pheromones. However they beat us when it comes to sensing pheromones in the air. Humans lost the capability. That is why monkeys attack women since they are excited by the female pheromones. Much like a bull gets excited when it senses pheromones of a cow on heat. So essyk stay away from monkeys especially when you are ovulating since they can sense you are "on heat" and thus get sexually excited/aroused and thus "want to mount you".
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