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How to kill or chase away monkeys forever
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essyk
#1 Posted : Tuesday, January 30, 2018 10:38:18 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/15/2011
Posts: 4,518
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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Thitifini
#2 Posted : Tuesday, January 30, 2018 10:43:37 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 1/15/2015
Posts: 681
Location: Kenya
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Congratulations. Karen manenossmile

My troubles are similar but instead of monkeys I have real niggas with gunsSad

60% Learning, 30% synthesizing, 10% Debating
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essyk
#3 Posted : Tuesday, January 30, 2018 10:50:30 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/15/2011
Posts: 4,518
Thitifini wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Congratulations. Karen manenossmile

My troubles are similar but instead of monkeys I have real niggas with gunsSad


Not Karen.

These ones can eat humans.They are extremely WILD.
Maybe if I punish one it will send a warning to the rest NOT to dare come any closer.
They are annoying.
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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Realtreaty
#4 Posted : Tuesday, January 30, 2018 10:55:54 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 8/16/2011
Posts: 2,297
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Call Nasa -aka ODM to RESIST them!!!smile smile
Remember not all will come but the ODM branch will love to be there early morning.
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Fullykenyan
#5 Posted : Tuesday, January 30, 2018 11:13:45 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 7/27/2014
Posts: 560
Location: Eastlando
Invest in rubber snakes. Monkeys are very scared of snakes. If you get pepper spray it can also help
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essyk
#6 Posted : Tuesday, January 30, 2018 11:17:04 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/15/2011
Posts: 4,518
Fullykenyan wrote:
Invest in rubber snakes. Monkeys are very scared of snakes. If you get pepper spray it can also help


Very nice thanks.Pepper spray will do.A lot of pepper.
Zitashangaa!!
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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murchr
#7 Posted : Tuesday, January 30, 2018 11:38:42 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 2/26/2012
Posts: 15,980
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?



With the announced avocado scarcity, this is serious. Where do you live?? Have you contacted KWS?
"There are only two emotions in the market, hope & fear. The problem is you hope when you should fear & fear when you should hope: - Jesse Livermore
.
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Pesa Nane
#8 Posted : Tuesday, January 30, 2018 11:40:57 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 5/25/2012
Posts: 4,105
Location: 08c
Strange but works. Guaranteed results. (Feel free to consult any Filipino)

Gather enough chicken poop (White, watery for best results). Spot the monkey and give it a nice hit (spray) with the chicken poop. By nice hit, I mean ensure the monkey has a poop patch and watch the results. Report results here and help a friend.
Pesa Nane plans to be shilingi when he grows up.
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Angelica _ann
#9 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 12:01:46 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 12/7/2012
Posts: 11,908
essyk wrote:
Fullykenyan wrote:
Invest in rubber snakes. Monkeys are very scared of snakes. If you get pepper spray it can also help


Very nice thanks.Pepper spray will do.A lot of pepper.
Zitashangaa!!


Chunga don't end up spraying yourself/eyes!!! Would be disastrous gal!!!
In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins - cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later - H Geneen
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wukan
#10 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 6:41:48 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/13/2015
Posts: 1,589
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Simple get your male friends or male relatives to visit more often. If you can't get a man to come over dress like a man and do the male dominance ritual(expand your thorax and do chest thumping) standing on your windows. Ofcourse your neighbors will think you are weird but the monkeys will get the memo. Monkeys and other primates tend to look down on women. Even in the forest shambas monkeys will harass women but flee once a man appears.
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MugundaMan
#11 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 8:05:59 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 1/8/2018
Posts: 2,211
Location: DC (Dustbowl County)
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Interesting question. Put poison in your avocado?
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majimaji
#12 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 8:44:40 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 4/4/2007
Posts: 1,162

I was in a seminar on one of the swanky south coast hotels last week. At tea time, the monkeys just came and ate before us as we watched, they ignored the ruckus we made. The deal breaker was when one pooped on the snacks from it's perched position on the rafters.
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Swenani
#13 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 9:18:22 AM
Rank: User


Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 13,237
Location: Vacuum
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Nyasaye!!! Kachavari?

Move to my house
If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Angelica _ann
#14 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 10:23:21 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 12/7/2012
Posts: 11,908
Swenani wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Nyasaye!!! Kachavari?

Move to my house


Kwani, you won't feed on her?
In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins - cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later - H Geneen
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Fullykenyan
#15 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 10:30:03 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 7/27/2014
Posts: 560
Location: Eastlando
essyk wrote:
Fullykenyan wrote:
Invest in rubber snakes. Monkeys are very scared of snakes. If you get pepper spray it can also help


Very nice thanks.Pepper spray will do.A lot of pepper.
Zitashangaa!!

Just make sure you are not in the direction of the wind. Rubber snakes are however very effective. Monkeys lose their young ones every year from snake bites. Therefore, all precaution is taken by them to avoid snakes at all costs
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Swenani
#16 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 10:31:26 AM
Rank: User


Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 13,237
Location: Vacuum
Angelica _ann wrote:
Swenani wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Nyasaye!!! Kachavari?

Move to my house


Kwani, you won't feed on her?


Atleast she will be feed on by a monkey which evolved to a human beingsmile smile
If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Lolest!
#17 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 11:33:58 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/18/2011
Posts: 12,069
Location: Kianjokoma
wukan wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Simple get your male friends or male relatives to visit more often. If you can't get a man to come over dress like a man and do the male dominance ritual(expand your thorax and do chest thumping) standing on your windows. Ofcourse your neighbors will think you are weird but the monkeys will get the memo. Monkeys and other primates tend to look down on women. Even in the forest shambas monkeys will harass women but flee once a man appears.

I thought monkeys can tell women apart from men even with confusing clothing

Something about scents

I was told by some KWS guy that monkeys can even tell when a woman is from a copulation session
Laughing out loudly smile Applause d'oh! Sad Drool Liar Shame on you Pray
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Swenani
#18 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 12:04:15 PM
Rank: User


Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 13,237
Location: Vacuum
Lolest! wrote:
wukan wrote:
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


Simple get your male friends or male relatives to visit more often. If you can't get a man to come over dress like a man and do the male dominance ritual(expand your thorax and do chest thumping) standing on your windows. Ofcourse your neighbors will think you are weird but the monkeys will get the memo. Monkeys and other primates tend to look down on women. Even in the forest shambas monkeys will harass women but flee once a man appears.

I thought monkeys can tell women apart from men even with confusing clothing

Something about scents

I was told by some KWS guy that monkeys can even tell when a woman is from a copulation session


Yes, they can also tell /sense when a lady is ovulating
If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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ZZE123
#19 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 12:19:03 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 6/21/2008
Posts: 2,490
essyk wrote:
The monkeys in my neighbourhood are driving me nuts.
So now they they have learnt how to open windows fridges and dare one inside their houses.You can't open windows.
I tried to bark like a dog and scare them but they jumped back!! luckily it was a glass partition.
The big one keeps trying to open the door as I watch!!
Yesterday it stole my avocado.
Now I am worried that they might feed on me if I deny them food.
I want to kill them.

any ideas?


I know a case in Nakuru where a Monkey “ate” a lady!!Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray @ essyk please don’t expose your bread as this might increase the Monkeys appetite
The man who marries a beautiful woman, and the farmer who grows corn by the roadside have the same problem
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Julie
#20 Posted : Wednesday, January 31, 2018 12:30:44 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 12/2/2006
Posts: 658
uuuwiiii
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