@Kusadikika, Marry me. I will gladly stay at home , give you babies, take care of our home, offer comfort at the end of your long day, make our home comfortable and beautiful and supervise the house girl as she does all the hard labor of cooking, washing and cleaning

Issues of marriage are not easy and roles are not as clear-cut as kusadikika has put them.

Very true there are men who are pretty insecure.... I was in a relationship and we had ot break it off when the guy realised i was serious about going back to college and he tried very hard to frustrate my efforts - and we werent even married and was already talking of me leaving employment and being a housewife. Well, being a housewife is not bad, but does it mean i am living the man's life? where is my fulfilment as a person - not even as a woman if my desire was to one day get a degree or an MBA or a PHD or a good car or just making sure that the family has a fallback should anything happen to the 'bread-winner' you know.

Many men wouldnt have a problem with their spouses moving up but i think we as women also loose it somewhere when we get to the top. We then throw the respect we had for our men through the window and that puts fear in men... sometimes men act out of the anticipated change that such success may come up with and may be completely destroy a family that they have worked hard to build. And lets be honest, some of us women do change alot (have a bad attitude) when success comes our way. Late last year, a neighbour lost his family over the same issue. the wife, who was a graduate had been living at home since they got married(she got pregnant when in last year of her college then they decided that they finish getting babies then she can get back to work). The guy got her a job - better paying than his. then she started 'henging' and drinking and going out and the last straw was when she started bringing men to their house!!!! Totally no respect for her husband yet, earlier she had been the best wife any man would ask for. All am saying is, if a young man witnesses such incidences, he will associate it with "thats how women behave if they become successful"... hence the fear of their women's success.

Well, there are a million cases of women who are very successful and still adore their husbands and have happy families.

Mpenzi, I appreciate your concern that in the short presentation this may appear cold but I would argue that as much as I agree that love and fulfillment are ultimately the rewards of a good marriage there are tasks to be performed in it. If these tasks are not clear to either party at the beginning conflict will arise and the love and fulfillment will suffer as well. Friendship in my opinion should be something that grows in the relationship out of respecting, valuing and caring for each other. This can in my opinion come about when the spouses take their responsibilities in the relationship seriously and they caome to appreciate that they are better of because they have their spouse. Sharking responsibility so as to lovey dovey is postponing conflict that will surely arise out of neglected duties.

Chepkel, I would not marry you if your natural inclination is not toward being a mother, homekeeper and caring for your family and children. If you find housework a burden that needs to be relegated to a househelp rather than your joyful contribution to the well being of your family then it is obvious you are not so inclined.

Wendz, I hear you. I agree that it is ill advised for any man to marry a woman and then ask her to shelve her ambitions so that he can attain his. If you have the ambition to become a successful career woman but at the same time be a wife I am sure there are men out there who would be comfortable with that arrangement and you should not have to sacrifice your pursuits to his.

I guess my whole argument is, the role of women as wives, mothers, homemakers and lovers is underappreciated and is being relegated to househelps. A housewife is a working woman. One with the most noble job in the world. It is not an inferiority for a woman to aspire to be one. What I am sick of is todays career women who rarely see their children, clean no clothes and cook no food thinking that just because they hold high flying corporate jobs that they are better than housewives and for that matter are worth more as wives.

@Wendz:
I should have married you before I married my wife!!! My dear wife is pursuing a PHD...and I have no problem with that kabisa. Infact she forced me to do a second degree (which I thank her for...)thinking that by having more papers than me, italeta shida. She has come to believe more in me because of the independence I have accorded her to make informed decisions about herself. And I am telling you money and love are all flowing in my direction, courtesy of her. I think the mentality we men have of wanting to control everything can only lead to destruction. I sometimes ask how some men feel being asked to provide each and every item a woman needs in the house. I thank God for blessing me with a very hard working woma...but do I say!

@Wendz

I am not married but one thing that always baffles me is how can one know how a lady will behave once she is loaded.... is it a matter of gambling and hoping money wont change her!

@All...
I agree with the opinion that the 'mother figure' really influences our choices for a wife...

On the other hand, the idea of a 'house wife' cant work for me. I would want a wife who knows how to manage property and I wife who knows the loops of how to provide for the family with or without me... I always wonder what would have been of my siblings and I had my mother been a house wife who never knew how to make hay in the untimely departure of dad.

I respect your views Mpenzi and let us agree to differ on this point: I have no problem with, in fact I would prefer clear cut responsibilities for me and my spouse rather than a pool of responsibilities and each one picks what they like today and drop it tomorrow if it is not to their liking. I hold the responsibility of looking after children and home in the highest regard and would not want ever to relegate that to a hired servant. There are women out there who think the same. I would never expect a woman set on achieving career goals to drop her ambitions to be a stay at home wife if she does not share the same feelings I have about looking after children. That is to say we would be incompatible from the beginning. And by incompatible I do not mean that they are wrong and I am right but that we have nothing to offer each other.

@Dash you are spot on!!! I do have double standards for my sisters and children from those of my wife and I see no problem with that. I would educate my daughters and encourage them to get the highest standard of education and achievement they can attain. I would be preparing them to make a choice for themselves. On the other hand if I fell in love with a good hearted hardworking illiterate woman who is devoted to the well being of her family who loves working at home cooking and taking care of the house, I would not in the least think she is less qualified to be my wife just because she is illiterate. To me the qualities of mother, homemaker and lover are of greater value than her level of education. The unfortunate thing is that there are many career women who despise house work. What makes cooking and cleaning and taking care of the children any less honourable that treating the sick as a doctor or marketing or banking. In fact I would argue it is far more honourable because you are doing it for the ones you love rather than for some miscellaneous people whose only payment to you is cash.

Please do not confuse illiteracy (not being able to read or write) with stupidity or foolishness. I have met good, hardworking, illiterate or semiliterate rural women with more sense than some University educated ladies.

Mabeberu, u were sexually molested in ur boyhood days?Is this why you're still single?Aunt Tabby n her ilk could help u.There's help out there...pole

Seven paragraphs and Wazuans pick on one only to respond to.

Molested? My foot! It was the best seven months of my life. Okay, until I discovered Jack Baurer and Michael Jackson.

Hetero-sexual with a preference to the 30-35s, kind Sir.

mahegoat! Buenas dias! I see Wazua was about to Wazua you about that aunt comment........hetero.sexuall with preference for 30-35 noted ( font 72)