A businessman was getting ready to go on a long
business
trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an
extremely
healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little
something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He
went
to a store that sold sex toys and started looking
around.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for
something
special to please his wife, and started talking to the
old
man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos,
special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of
anything that will keep her occupied for weeks,
except---"
and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but
there is The Voodoo Penis." The old man reached under
the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box,
carved
with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it,
and
there laid an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed and said, "Big deal. It looks
like every other dildo in this shop!
"The old man replied, "But you haven't
seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and
said, "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo
Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to
the
door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door
shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a
crack
began to form down the middle.
Before the door split, the old man said, "Voodoo
Penis,
return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated
back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a
special
dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say
"Voodoo
Penis, my crotch."
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was
unbearably
horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed,
opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"
The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started
working
it's magic. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing
she'd ever experienced before. After three
mind-shattering
orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd
had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck
and
still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out,
but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to
shut
it off!
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if
they
could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and
started
to drive, quivering with what was beginning to be
pain.
On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her
swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this
and immediately
pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then
asked
how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching,
she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink,
officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing
stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head
and
in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo
Penis, my ass...."
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt...
-Mark Twain