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Calling it off
Rank: Member Joined: 10/7/2009 Posts: 13
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Skerians. I need your advice. I am approaching 30 years and have been dating this lady for the last 7 and half years and was planning to formally wed in December next year. The problem is up and until sometimes in May I have noticed a change in her attitude and general commitment to the relationship. Communication has become erratic with the excuse of work and distance – I am in Nairobi while she works in Eldoret. I am becoming frustrated and on the verge of calling the relationship off. I have been very committed and never cheated on her one single time.
Watu,please advise
The mind is everything. What you think you become
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,330 Location: Masada
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She has no more feeling left for you...did u get the mijinjo for the last 7 years from her?If not then thats is the reason;if u av been mijinjod then she's had enough from you.QUIT... The Hague...or Local Triburnal ama TJRC. Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/19/2008 Posts: 1,267
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when in doubt ...DON'T COMMIT YOURSELF ....marriage is a permanent commitment ....it can be hell or heaven for you....The choice is yours...better a broken relationship than a broken marriage.... Rules of the game here: Before you post anything think.give facts only..It's a serious blog for serious people....Do not insult your brother....respect one another...Just be good.... It's good to live a honest life....life without guilt.... Jeremiah 17:11 As a partridge that hatches eggs which it has not laid,So is he who makes a fortune,but unjustly; In the midst of his days it will forsake him,And in the end he will be a fool.' From the SK Anti-hate/anti- corruption campaigner.. Isaiah 65:17-Look! I am creating new heavens and a new earth, and no one will even think about the old ones anymore
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
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...Palipo na moshi moto haukosi...
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/16/2007 Posts: 2,114
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@Marine,
Why has it taken you 7 years?If she was say studying abroad I would understand.May be she has met a rich farmer huko Eldi..
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/5/2008 Posts: 390
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@marine.
pole bro.
but what is her number? e-mail?
Where else would it be?
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 10/17/2008 Posts: 1,234
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The fact that you have been dating for 7yrs without getting married is itself a sign that there is a problem somewhere. Why havent you married all these years?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,330 Location: Masada
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@!mpenzi,...probably they were still young. The Hague...or Local Triburnal ama TJRC. Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 10/6/2007 Posts: 1,177 Location: Nairobi - Kenya
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i hope you had a plan b what most people would call mpango wa kando... if not pole sana bro... When you run so fast to get somewhere,you miss the fun of getting there... Life is not a race,so take it slowly.... When you hear what I say, you will not understand. When you see what I do, you will not comprehend
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/7/2009 Posts: 13
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@Impunity
She is 4 years my junior and we met while she had just cleared high while i was in campus. As for Mijinjo,that has never been a problem. i suppose i surpassed expectations
@All,
Are you saying there is more than meets the here? I have been having that feeling but always hated rushing to conclusion.
I know people are unique but any one else been through this. Please share your experience
The mind is everything. What you think you become
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/19/2006 Posts: 84
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/1/2009 Posts: 2,436
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@marine,
reality check|: your investment in this descendant of Eve has been huge
Ponder this: 7.5 yrs equal to 2,738 days splashed on one person represents huge emotional,financial,psychological investment in her,not to mention the lost opportunity cost of not having tried other relationship(s) that would have been potentially beneficial to you.
No relationship of such duration will leave a person unaffected in one way or the other. Remember,how this r'ship plays out will determine your mindset about future relationships.
So dont' just ditch the relationship without a proper understanding of why she is behaving like she is. Maybe YOU are the cause. Maybe all of a sudden YOU haven taken a fancy for underwears emblazoned with Ocampo's image while she strongly prefers a local tribunal. Or she has come to the reality that hata kama wewe una roho safi,lakini sura yako ni mbaya. It could be anything! You guys talk,sometimes the issues are so minor you would be amazed it caused beef at all in the first place.
But 7yrs means you must know her fairly very well (no man understands women 100% yet) and you should quickly know whats happening. Sort it out dude - there are too many sad love songs,dont add to them!
..there's nothing,absolutely nothing really,that I can't do if I put my mind to it.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 10/17/2008 Posts: 1,234
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@Intel
Hapo umenena kama wazee wakongwe kumi lol
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/23/2009 Posts: 8,083 Location: Enk are Nyirobi
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She has realised that you are unlikely to commit and is exploring other options. Has she asked questions like: - where do you think our relationship is headed? - you have not told me what you want... - do you love me? If she has,you are in problems. You need to restrategise,if you still want her. Life is short. Live passionately.
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/7/2009 Posts: 13
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@Intel,
Thanks for that eye opening info. i have learned so much in one afternoon.
The mind is everything. What you think you become
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 10/6/2007 Posts: 1,177 Location: Nairobi - Kenya
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you surpassed her expectations..? nay! that is just a solace.. but lets say you exceeded... she is behaving otherwise coz another dude outshined you...! efforts bwana...! pull up your socks and may be she will sing your song once again... When you run so fast to get somewhere,you miss the fun of getting there... Life is not a race,so take it slowly.... When you hear what I say, you will not understand. When you see what I do, you will not comprehend
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/12/2008 Posts: 58
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well,your story is pitiful because longterm emotions are involved. But you would rather be hurt now than try forcing yourself on her.
The mistake that you did was to commit yourself to her for too long. I bet 2 years should be the maximum period for 'engaging' a lady. Take heart,leave her and take up a young one preferably a 23 year old and this time round don't take 7 years.
die trying
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/7/2009 Posts: 13
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@Moibutu
Thanks. Emotional investment is normally very difficult to retract. After almost 8 years of not considering possibility of break-up i would have a torrid time hooking up with another lady. I bet age has played it's role coz when we met she was just about 18. I have seen her grow and change but did'nt expect such a drastic change. Nowadays we rarely communicate though we talk.
If ever i am to consider another relationship i would not look at anyone below my age.
The mind is everything. What you think you become
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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I feel you @marine. Especially that she's a bit far from you.
I agree with some people here. She completed her High School at age 18. Then 8 years down is about 27 now. You may have taken too long to commit.
As @sparkly said,i'll add another question she might have asked:
4). So what is the way forward now?
Go see her immediately. Tell her you want to discuss something important. When you meet be very clear,don't mince words,don't be confrontational. Don't start your sentences with 'You don't do this or that...'. Instead say 'I feel... I need you to tell me...'.
Make it clear that you have confidence in her. That you trust she will be straight with you. And that if she's not going to tell you exactly what is bothering her,then you'll assume she is not interested in relationship anymore.
If she shows any arrogance or no regret or averts simple questions.
Then call it quits and swallow your pride and move on. Your heart might be telling you something else,but you may not be the center of her universe after all.AKS
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/22/2008 Posts: 2,718
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Justin Gatlin,Tim Montgomery,Donovan Bailey,Leroy Burell. Do you hear of these guys these days. Well...........Zama zao zilipita. What about Usain Bolt. Have you heard of him lately. Time has a way of turning things. You cannot be great for ever. Seize the moment and when it is passed,let it go.
Weusi wa nywele za mshtakiwa zaonyesha ujinga alio nao
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