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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/9/2009 Posts: 2,003
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Statuses we would be updating on FB and Twitter if we lived in Bible times: 1. Guys its scary, Lot's wife just turned into a pillar of salt #Shaking# 2. But Mary... Can't believe she's still singing the "I'm a virgin" song but shes pregnant. Gosh some girls #RollingEyes# 3. Pimping my camel, Jerusalem here I come.. 4. Just chilling in first class at Noah's ark, the view here is fantastic... But this Lion keeps staring at me weird. #Noah's voyage 5. The red sea just parted before my eyes #Shocked4Days# 6. Judas Iscariot posts: Jesus for sale, hit inbox if interested 7. Chilling with Moses by Mt. Sinai; some miracles going on here 8. Eve and hubby got banished, they ate the forbidden fruit. I mean who does that? #Smh# 9. Jacob's status: Things we do for love, cant believe I served her father for 14 years just to get her. Love u, Rachel 10. Some people are so cruel, eeh! Naye Cain how do u kill your own brother? RIP Abel 11. One of Jesus' disciples' post: Wat a long day... Walking and preaching the gospel. Now chilling with my brothers. These guys are funny.. (LLP) Laughing Like Pharaoh
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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 wazuazimu Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote:Statuses we would be updating on FB and Twitter if we lived in Bible times:
1. Guys its scary, Lot's wife just turned into a pillar of salt #Shaking#
2. But Mary... Can't believe she's still singing the "I'm a virgin" song but shes pregnant. Gosh some girls #RollingEyes#
3. Pimping my camel, Jerusalem here I come..
4. Just chilling in first class at Noah's ark, the view here is fantastic... But this Lion keeps staring at me weird. #Noah's voyage
5. The red sea just parted before my eyes #Shocked4Days#
6. Judas Iscariot posts: Jesus for sale, hit inbox if interested
7. Chilling with Moses by Mt. Sinai; some miracles going on here
8. Eve and hubby got banished, they ate the forbidden fruit. I mean who does that? #Smh#
9. Jacob's status: Things we do for love, cant believe I served her father for 14 years just to get her. Love u, Rachel
10. Some people are so cruel, eeh! Naye Cain how do u kill your own brother? RIP Abel
11. One of Jesus' disciples' post: Wat a long day... Walking and preaching the gospel. Now chilling with my brothers. These guys are funny.. (LLP) Laughing Like Pharaoh  Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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C&P Kamau, from Nyeri, walked into a bar and aggressively shouted his order to the bar man, ”Please give me half a kilo of kanyama fry with kienyeji and then give everyone half a kilo steak and ugali because when I eat, I want everybody to eat!” The bar man processed his request and gave him his meal and everyone else their meals. When they finished enjoying their meal he shouted for another order, ”Give me a bottle of Kenya Cane and give everybody else a bottle of Whiskey (Johnny Walker Black) because when I drink, I want everybody to drink!” Everyone was happy and singing Kamau praises, saying Kamau is “The Man”. When Kamau finished his drink he shouted again: “Give me my bill and give everyone else their own bill because when I pay for my meals and drinks, I want everyone else to pay for theirs!”. . . His funeral will be this Sunday. Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away . The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000 .The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home .The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150????"The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead . I just can’t take that chance!"
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote:A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away . The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000 .The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home .The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150????"The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead . I just can’t take that chance!" Ara, Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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Stalking (ˈstɔːkɪŋ); Where two people go on a long, romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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Rankaz13 wrote:C&P Kamau, from Nyeri, walked into a bar and aggressively shouted his order to the bar man, ”Please give me half a kilo of kanyama fry with kienyeji and then give everyone half a kilo steak and ugali because when I eat, I want everybody to eat!” The bar man processed his request and gave him his meal and everyone else their meals. When they finished enjoying their meal he shouted for another order, ”Give me a bottle of Kenya Cane and give everybody else a bottle of Whiskey (Johnny Walker Black) because when I drink, I want everybody to drink!” Everyone was happy and singing Kamau praises, saying Kamau is “The Man”. When Kamau finished his drink he shouted again: “Give me my bill and give everyone else their own bill because when I pay for my meals and drinks, I want everyone else to pay for theirs!”. . . His funeral will be this Sunday. Hehehe poor guy.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Yes you are right. The guy said "Haka kachenzi kalidhani Mimi ni mamake sasa kameninyonya pine the whole night"
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/11/2012 Posts: 5,222
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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washiku wrote:Yes you are right. The guy said "Haka kachenzi kalidhani Mimi ni mamake sasa kameninyonya pine the whole night" eish! I hadn't understood that word.smh
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2010 Posts: 223 Location: Afghanistan
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A Salvadorean nun who said she had no idea she was pregnant gave birth in Italy this week. “I did not know I was pregnant. I only felt a stomach pain,” the nun was quoted as saying at the hospital, the Italian news agency ANSA reported. Her fellow nuns were quoted saying they were “very surprised”. (Italian news agency ANSA reported). The rich have money working for them; the poor and the middle class are going to work for money.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Dod wrote:A Salvadorean nun who said she had no idea she was pregnant gave birth in Italy this week.
“I did not know I was pregnant. I only felt a stomach pain,” the nun was quoted as saying at the hospital, the Italian news agency ANSA reported.
Her fellow nuns were quoted saying they were “very surprised”.
(Italian news agency ANSA reported).
Hapa kuna mtu who's being economical with the truth. Not even the missed parliamentary sessions? Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/2/2011 Posts: 4,818 Location: -1.2107, 36.8831
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Rankaz13 wrote:Dod wrote:A Salvadorean nun who said she had no idea she was pregnant gave birth in Italy this week.
“I did not know I was pregnant. I only felt a stomach pain,” the nun was quoted as saying at the hospital, the Italian news agency ANSA reported.
Her fellow nuns were quoted saying they were “very surprised”.
(Italian news agency ANSA reported).
Hapa kuna mtu who's being economical with the truth. Not even the missed parliamentary sessions? UnHoly Spirits did it, maybe Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.” ― Rashi
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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dunkang wrote:Rankaz13 wrote:Dod wrote:A Salvadorean nun who said she had no idea she was pregnant gave birth in Italy this week.
“I did not know I was pregnant. I only felt a stomach pain,” the nun was quoted as saying at the hospital, the Italian news agency ANSA reported.
Her fellow nuns were quoted saying they were “very surprised”.
(Italian news agency ANSA reported).
Hapa kuna mtu who's being economical with the truth. Not even the missed parliamentary sessions? UnHoly Spirits did it, maybe Someone said that probably on that fateful night when other nuns heard her cry "Oh my God Oh my God" maybe she wasn't really praying... 
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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KUWATCH BALL NA DAME NI STRESS TUPU... DAME: Kai! Beib, huyo ni Chris Brown? CHALI: Apana ni Theo Walcott (15 mins later) DAME: Mbona hiyo card ni ya yellow? CHALI: Ni ya kuwarn player. Yellow ni warning, ya red ni ya kumtoa kwa game... DAME: Na ya green?? (chali anamwangalia tu bila kusema kitu)... (5 mins later) DAME: aki beib, i hope Arsenal washinde world cup. Daisy anasupport Brazil na simpendangi. Khai si ananibooingi.. (chali anamwangalia tu...) DAME: Coach wa hii team anaitwa? CHALI: Arsene Wenger... DAME: Ooooh OMG! kumbeee..inakaa huyu mwingine anaitwa Manchestenger? CHALI:We ona tu Dimba uwache maswali mingi
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote: KUWATCH BALL NA DAME NI STRESS TUPU... DAME: Kai! Beib, huyo ni Chris Brown? CHALI: Apana ni Theo Walcott (15 mins later) DAME: Mbona hiyo card ni ya yellow? CHALI: Ni ya kuwarn player. Yellow ni warning, ya red ni ya kumtoa kwa game... DAME: Na ya green?? (chali anamwangalia tu bila kusema kitu)... (5 mins later) DAME: aki beib, i hope Arsenal washinde world cup. Daisy anasupport Brazil na simpendangi. Khai si ananibooingi.. (chali anamwangalia tu...) DAME: Coach wa hii team anaitwa? CHALI: Arsene Wenger... DAME: Ooooh OMG! kumbeee..inakaa huyu mwingine anaitwa Manchestenger? CHALI:We ona tu Dimba uwache maswali mingi dedan kíríamítí Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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