C&P

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop; with them are their 8 children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him,
'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!!
The blind man replies:
'If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus! So shut up and keep walking!

Honk If You Love Jesus!

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed!

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God, GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a 'sunny beach'...

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Grandma

Usiringe ati una degree.Even a thermometer has degrees na inafanya kazi chini ya makwapa

Hawa watu!!!!!!


You are here: Home » News » Kikuyu and Money..aiii.. Read this if you are a Kikuyu
Tuesday, November 12, 2013 8:15 am, Posted by Nairobi Exposed 0 | News
Kikuyu and Money..aiii.. Read this if you are a Kikuyu

There was once a Kikuyu man called Mwangi who was involved in a car accident. At the
hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had
happened to him. “I’m very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very … bad car crash”.
“Car crash! My Probox! My Probox! is my car all right?” he asked hysterically.

“Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries you lost your left arm in
the crash, and we were unable to save it he said apologetically.

“I rost my arm? My Rorex! My Rorex!” “Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your
worries. You are in a very critical condition, but all your family is here to see you”.
He asked for his family to be called in.

As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name. “Wairimu, are you here?” “I am here husband, and I will never leave you”

“Kamau, are you here?” “I am here father, and I will never leave you.”

“Wanjiku, are you here?” “I am here father, and I will never leave you.”

“So, if you are all here who is at the shop???

to grandma

This is hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/e...feature=player_embedded

This professor is naturally funny.

A mother passing by her daughters bedroom was astonished 2 see the bed was nicely made & everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom". With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope with trembling hands: "Dear Mum, it is with great regret & sorrow that im writing 2 u, i had 2 elope with my new boyfriend because i wanted 2 avoid a scene with u & Dad. Ive been finding real passion with him & he is so nice, even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard & motorcycle clothes. But its not just the passion Mum, im pregnant & he said that we will b very happy. He already owns a trailor in the woods & has a stack of firewood 4 the whole winter. He wants 2 have many more children with me & that is now one of my dreams 2. He taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone & we'll b growing it 4 us & trading it with his friends 4 all the cocaine & ecstasy we want. In the meantime we'll pray that science finds a cure 4 AIDS so he can get better, he sure deserves it! Don't worry Mum, im 15yrs old now & i know how 2 take care of myself. Someday im sure we'll b back 2 visit so u can get 2 know yr grandchildren. Yr daughter, Sophie... P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbors house. I just wanted 2 remind u that there r worse things in life than my report card thats in my desk top drawer. I love u! Call me when it is safe 2 come home.."

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 kilos that week.