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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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" U think u're miserable when your boo sends you a text saying “it's over btw us” until u receive another one sayin, “Sorry, that wasn't for u.”" If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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vinii wrote:" U think u're miserable when your boo sends you a text saying “it's over btw us” until u receive another one sayin, “Sorry, that wasn't for u.”"
  Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/5/2008 Posts: 602
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"Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.." https://www.facebook.com...6&type=1&theater"The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions" - Alfred adler
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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" Some guys hold their girlfriend's hand at the mall bcos if they leave her hand she will start shopping..it looks ROMANTIC but it's ECONOMIC" If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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"I need to talk to you" is one sentence that has the power to make you remember every @bad thing you've ever done in your life." If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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"@symowain: In line with 30% procurement, my village mate is asking whether its possible to provide logistics for any official burial in the next 5 yrs." If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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They told him in case of fire ...break glass. When fire started, he threw hard his glass of milk of the floor
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A Kikuyu's worst nightmare 1. PARALLELOGRAM 2.MALARIOLOGY 3.THE RED LORRY RARELY LEAVES LIMURU ROAD 4.TRULY RURAL, TRULY RURAL, TRULY RURAL,.... 5.HOW CAN A CLAM CRAM IN A CLEAN CREAM CAN? 6.RED REAL REAR WHEELS 7.ON A LAZY LASER RAISER LIES A LASER RAY ERASER 8.REAL ROCK WALL, REAL ROCK WALL, REAL ROCK WALL 9.A BLACK BLOKE'S BACK BRAKE- BLOCK BROKE 10.REALLY LEERY, RARELY LARRY 11.A LUMP OF RED LEAD, A RED LEAD LUMP 12.YELLOW LORRY, BLUE LORRY 13. LITERALLY LITERARY
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote:A Kikuyu's worst nightmare
1. PARALLELOGRAM
2.MALARIOLOGY
3.THE RED LORRY RARELY LEAVES
LIMURU
ROAD
4.TRULY RURAL, TRULY RURAL, TRULY
RURAL,....
5.HOW CAN A CLAM CRAM IN A CLEAN
CREAM CAN?
6.RED REAL REAR WHEELS
7.ON A LAZY LASER RAISER LIES A
LASER
RAY ERASER
8.REAL ROCK WALL, REAL ROCK WALL,
REAL ROCK WALL
9.A BLACK BLOKE'S BACK BRAKE-
BLOCK
BROKE
10.REALLY LEERY, RARELY LARRY
11.A LUMP OF RED LEAD, A RED LEAD
LUMP
12.YELLOW LORRY, BLUE LORRY
13. LITERALLY LITERARY Hiyo ni fracture ya ulimi pap!  Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "May I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change..."
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Some Beautiful Chick: Sweetie aki nimeona jeans poa ya 8k town aam, aki na nilisahau na handbag home ma pesa iko apo. Si unisort nitakutudishia. DCJGHBK Confirmed you have received 40kshs from Wanjohi Githae, New MPESA balance is 40kshs. Some Beautiful Chick: sweetie mbona ifyo? Githae: Ni fare enda ukachukue handbag.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
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C&P
🌞Virginity is like a Balloon, One prick and it's gone for ever!
Sex is like a pack of Chips, Once you start!
You can't stop!
An Exam paper is like a Dick 🍌, When it's hard! People get f***ed!
Education is like hiring a prostitute, It needs both your money and your hardwork ...👤!
💳Success is like masturbating, Only your own hand can let you achieve it!
Life without Friends is like Boobs Without Nipples. IT'S POINTLESS !
f*** a woman and she Loves you. Love a woman when she f***s you.
MBBS Final Exam question paper: Fill in the blanks. If a woman faints, we must first check her pu_s_. Only few students who wrote: 'Pulse' passed.
The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. They are sentenced to Hang Till Death!
Boy: How much Calcium is there in women's BREASTS?
Girl: It Enough to help a Man's Boneless Thing stand up
Give an example of Total Business Failure due to Negligence. A Pregnant Prostitute
If Necessity is the Mother of Invention, Then Frustration is the Father of Masturbation!
If your Boss says: Nothing is Impossible ask him to wear condom after sex!
So basically life is PORNOGRAPHY
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Very Touchy story: "Husband forgot to wish his Wife A Happy Birthday. He came home late at night from the office ..... His wife shouted: How would u feel if u dont see me for next few days? He couldnt believe his luck. He replied at once ''Wowww.....That would be great..!'' Monday passed & he didn't see her. Tuesday passed and he didnt see her . . & wednesday passed too . . . . . . . . . . . . . On Thursday the swelling was better & he could see her from the corner of his left eye...
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/7/2007 Posts: 11,935 Location: Nairobi
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Rankaz13 wrote:Ctrl V, ctrl P.
Steve The Assistant....
A Bemba doctor wanted to go hunting; he calls his assistant Steve and tells him...
Ya Steve , I am going hunting tomorrow, we don't want to close the Clinic, I ask you to take care of our patients.
Yes, sir......answers Steve.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks:
So Steve, how was your day?
PA tells him he took care of 3 patients.
The first one had a headache and I gave him TYLENOL.
Bravo Steve, and the second one?
The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX,sir.
Bravo ya Steve you're good at this, and the third one?
Sir, I was seated, suddenly the door opens and a woman enters like a ''flame'' and undresses herself, taking off her bra, 'NICE
BIG ONES SIR' and then takes off her panties 'YA ALLAHHHH'.....then
she jumps and sleeps on the table and shouts 'HELP ME. Since 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!!'
And what did you do Steve?
I put eye drops in her eyes sir!!!! .That Steve is a total idiot!.Hata afadhali angeweka eyedrops kwa.....alama ya dukuduku. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Kila mahali...tuwaheshimu na kuwatunza waliopigania Uhuru....Sasa nashangaa, Kwa nini wale walipigania UHURU hawakupigania Raila?????
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/29/2011 Posts: 2,242
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washiku wrote:Kila mahali...tuwaheshimu na kuwatunza waliopigania Uhuru....Sasa nashangaa, Kwa nini wale walipigania UHURU hawakupigania Raila????? @Washiku, Walipigania UHURU na wakapingania Raila. "Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least." Goethe
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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"Life is just like a penis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It's the women who make it hard. " If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/30/2010 Posts: 241
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washiku wrote:A Kikuyu's worst nightmare
1. PARALLELOGRAM
2.MALARIOLOGY
3.THE RED LORRY RARELY LEAVES
LIMURU
ROAD
4.TRULY RURAL, TRULY RURAL, TRULY
RURAL,....
5.HOW CAN A CLAM CRAM IN A CLEAN
CREAM CAN?
6.RED REAL REAR WHEELS
7.ON A LAZY LASER RAISER LIES A
LASER
RAY ERASER
8.REAL ROCK WALL, REAL ROCK WALL,
REAL ROCK WALL
9.A BLACK BLOKE'S BACK BRAKE-
BLOCK
BROKE
10.REALLY LEERY, RARELY LARRY
11.A LUMP OF RED LEAD, A RED LEAD
LUMP
12.YELLOW LORRY, BLUE LORRY
13. LITERALLY LITERARY  14. SHIRIKA LA RELI LA RWANDA ukiona choo kwa ndoto usiingie, ni mtego!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2009 Posts: 2,375
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Stolen from FB KCSE Maths Paper 1:If the terrorists were 4 and Ole lenku saw 10-15.Muite angeona wangapi?Let ole lenku be x 'and muite y. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt...
-Mark Twain
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/24/2013 Posts: 455 Location: Nairobi
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C&P
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting
to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop
and offered everyone in the queue a free ride. He then delivered
the passengers to the mental hospital, telling staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
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