...Kijana wacha mbangi!

i can't stop

Chemistry teachers wakitupiana mistari(WARNING:for those who didn't take the subject as an optional)

MAN : Baby gal, are you an atom(single)

LADY : Yes, a free atom of valency 1(very reactive and easily irritated
on water and fears bathing because water reacts with her skin.)

MAN : That's scary and explosive.

LADY : Just kidding. I am of valency 4. If you lose me I neither gain nor lose anything.

MAN : In other words valency 4 means friends with benefits. So can we bond??

LADY : Of course but we must only bond with weak Van Der Waals forces.

MAN : Hehe. Meaning no commitment and strong strings attached. So will you strike my iron when its hot??

LADY : On condition that you be my solvay process to solve my financial issues.

MAN : Money is not a problem because I can also buy you expensive distilled solvents (liquor)

LADY : Oh man you so romantic. Your love is like hydrogen. It makes my heart beat with a pop sound..

C & P

'Firefighters came to the rescue of a man in distress when he got his penis stuck in a toaster. It is unclear exactly what the humiliated gentleman had been up to, but fortunately London's finest arrived to extricate his manhood from the electrical device. Unbelievably, another adventurer rivalled his ridiculous antics by somehow getting his member lodged in a vacuum cleaner. And the ultra-professional London Fire Brigade staff have had to free 79 people from handcuffs in the last three years alone' - The Daily Mirror.

Simu za china ni fake kabisa. Just imagine phone yangu imeanguka chini, phonebook ikararuka, credo ikamwagika friends wangu wa facebook wakajeruhiwa. Sasa nilikuwa nataka kujua kama umeumia please.

C&P

LUOPEAN SWAG.

OPIYO and OTIENO are chatting at the jobless corner.

OPIYO: eyi omera otieno tich tek Narobi kaaaa yawa, nimechoka kutafuta kasi!
OTIENO: Opiyo, ukweli kasi hakuna! Nkt ati kila ofis wanataka 15 years espirience. Koro 15 years espirience na mbukinya ndio imenifikisa Narobi leo kutoka Rangwe yawa eyi!

(A VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN OFFICIAL WEAR CARRYING DOCUMENTS SITS BY THEM).

OPIYO: Buana Engineer Otieno as I was saying, imagine that American sends me ten million only eeh! What is ten million? Cannot even afford the pen that I use for signing cheques left, right and center, eeh, yawa!
OTIENO: Doctor Opiyo, buana you see this building in front of us?
OPIYO: ginene, archives? Donge, this one that you constructed?
OTIENO: exactly! Imagine they still owe me 30 million silings since I engineered its construkson! I told them to keep that peanuts nkt!
GIRL: aki thank God I've met you guys! Si you guys like hook me up with jobo hata ya kufagia tu!
OPIYO: mschana, we pia natafuta kasi kama sisi?

why you should never date an economist...

1. Economists may be dangerous. Watch out for the invisible hands!

2. It won’t matter what you supply, they will always demand more.

3. They consider selfish behavior the most natural thing in the world.

4. They prefer doing it with models and dummies.

5. Economists habitually deflate everything.

6. They like their love lives like they like their markets: free and open.

7. On average they are pretty mean.

8. And definitely too trendy.

9. They will never be happy with you as you are, they will always want you to grow.

10. They require a lot of stimulus in order to expand.

11. They will spend their lives trying to predict your behavior.

12. They consider you perfectly substitutable.

13. They’ll only like you if you have plenty of elasticity.

14. They will always think that there is an acceptable level of unemployment.

15. As soon as you are happy in the relationship they’ll burst your bubble.

16. They’ll only be into you if you have plenty of boom and bust.

17. They’ll never say “I Love you” only that “You optimise my utility”.

18. They will rate your kids’ advancement into a Human Development Index.

19. They will establish very clear household property rights to avoid the tragedy of the commons.

20. If you ever get depressed, they’ll lower their interest rate to zero.

21. They might collect a stratified household survey of family and friends, run regression and cluster analyses and check for heteroskedasticity before deciding to commit to you. (On the plus side you might get to see what your love looks like as a formula).


Source: Stolen via Jodi Beggs - Economists Do It With Models....21 reasons not to date an Economist

SEMENI AKILI: A friend accidentally sent KShs. 6,900/= to a wrong number and knew before withdrawal is made. She immediately sent a text message:
"Hi Susan, I hope you are OK, I hope you have received the cash you had requested to come to Nairobi for the introduction ceremony of joining Illuminati, scheduled to happen at Freemason Hall, State House Road at 4.00 AM. That’s only for Bus Fare... I’ll send you some other KShs. 15,000/= for pocket money and there are more riches waiting for you, please don't be late because the devil himself will be present to preside over the ceremony. Thanks in advance." After four minutes; SEMENI PESA KURUDISHWA plus ZA KUTOA pap!