Growing up,i watched my mother deal with house helps in a heavy handed manner. They were never allowed to have dinner with the family,they always sat in the kitchen or in their rooms,they were scolded for every minor mistake,they were not allowed to chat with the neighbours' househelps. I also noticed that though they never lasted long,they accorded my mother a great deal of respect coz she would not take any crap from them. Now that i'm in my own house,i've tried to do things differently. The girl is allowed to have dinner with the family,watch tv for a limited period of time,talk to other house helps,and gets reprimanded mildly when she errs. I'm however at a loss on how to deal with her overly friendliness with majamaa wa mtaa. I would also like her to have the same respect for me that i saw them give to my mother. What's the best way to deal with them?

@Sandu
Eeeuw! the mkojo part was gross:(

@Shak
I equate househelps to teenage kids....they can really drive you up the wall if they want to,but that doesnt mean you treat them cruelly or like people without a mind of their own. Treat them with respect and make sure they understand that this respect is two way(you expect the same of them) and let them see the stern side of you every so often so that they do not forget who you can be when pissed of:)

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't..

If the house help is over 18 I don't think it is your business to concern yourself with her private life. The only thing is that she should not use your house for her escapades otherwise let the girl love and be loved.

Weusi wa nywele za mshtakiwa zaonyesha ujinga alio nao

@Bareta
Eeew! its gross just imagining that someone would pour their urine in my food!! and would i drink mine? Wuui! i'd have to be at a point of life and death! I once watched 'worlds apart' ati some family who'd gone to i think Peru washed their hair with urine from the host family members! i almost puked:(

Anyway,I agree with an earlier post here.. @ Shak,do not interfere with the housegals personal life unless she brings the guys to your house or her work is affected by her dating pattern. I prefer mature housegals who're past dating or have a steady boyfriend coz its easier to deal with them.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't..

1st step,if you want any level of maturity in your house,get a mature housegal.
Be firm with what your expectations of her are from day one.
Be consistent if these are not followed - however,be fair.
the last gal (or should i say woman) i had was like my mom's age. Her elder daughters were older than me. I gave her her respect,she gave me mine. Respect is earned,not forced down anyone's throat.
Teach your children to respect the housegal,they will earn her respect too.
Do not bicker for every small mistake - you also do mistakes in the office and you expect your boss to understand its human... do the same.
infact,treat her with the same respect you expect in the office - your home is her office.
If she has done a mistake,stick to the issue not her personality and once you deal with that issue,move on and dont dwell on it for days/months....
Be considerate to her human needs - needs for her family (she needs time off - she aint in a jail),need for association - you are her boss, not necessarily her friend,need for her privacy - she is not your daughter. that doesnt mean you allow her running around with boys in the estate,but let her know,if she has such associations,she can only do them at her own free time (if you giver her off on sundays) and not in your estate... you deserve respect!
In all dealings with her remember she holds the key to your most important things in life - you children and family..... Housegals can be dangerous if you get a bad one.

My mom treated our workers like one of us but she still managed to maintain her position as a boss and earned their respect too.. thats what i try to do too... not that i dont fail miserably sometimes,but well,I do try.

Some deals are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Consider this historical snippet:

Why did slavery end? It was not because the euro-americans got a bout of human consciousness and realised that the Africans were also human beings! It was a simple business decision.

They slave owners realised that you can get greater out-put if you treat the slaves better...give them more food,better clothes,some amount of freedom to relax and have a good time with friends etc....eventually,the nations realised that for their economies to grow,they had to produce more,thus they decreed NO SLAVERY

Of course there was also the effect of industrialisation... one machine could do in one day what 10 slaves could do in one week...without the headache!!

Moral of the story: treat people well and they become more productive...even house-maids.

Behind the gardens...Behind the wall...Under the tree (Including: Red...Dark Blue...Yellow)

@ Mukiha,spot on

The thicker the thigh the sweeter the pie.

@Kusadikika

'If the house help is over 18 I don't think....'

Does anyone employ under-18s?

Behind the gardens...Behind the wall...Under the tree (Including: Red...Dark Blue...Yellow)

Is it affecting her work?

If yes; deal with the work issue alone

If not,why are you bothered?

Or do you just want to 'feel in control'?

Behind the gardens...Behind the wall...Under the tree (Including: Red...Dark Blue...Yellow)

@ mukiha,though it is not affecting her work i do think that issues like security and respect matter. The girl has only worked 3 months and that level of association must be of concern. Who knows the motives of some of these men? They could be thieves. I like the point Wendz gave that all associations within the neighbourhood are unacceptable else she could be putting myself and my family at risk