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ngwono
#1 Posted : Monday, April 06, 2009 11:40:00 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 8/8/2008
Posts: 201
A friend of mine seperated in husy 6yrs ago and upto date there is no signs of re-union.Now the first born doughter is class 8 and she is wondering which name the gal should us.Kindly advise,anyone who has been in the same shoes?

Without Holiness no man shall see God.Dear God,mould me to be a vessel of honour at this End times,to remain Obedient to your Word in all situations.Amen!
Magigi
#2 Posted : Monday, April 06, 2009 11:50:00 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/31/2008
Posts: 7,081
Location: Kenya
...every child wants to have a father. Using the mother's name may cause low self esteem on the part of the child. I have a single parent friend whose daughter keeps on asking her mother where the father is. And the answer she gives her is that he went to work abroad. I dont know how long this lie will sustain. And remember Obama,he came all the way searching for a father who left hi when he was 2 yrs old. And he did this knowing that his father was a womaniser,reckless,drunkard,sometimes selfish etc. It is good for a child to know and be associated with the father no matter how useless he is.
The Real Shaft
#3 Posted : Monday, April 06, 2009 11:51:00 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/19/2008
Posts: 839
ng*...

whether the lady marries 101 men...

there remains...

just one man who sired the girl....

amonst the Digo...

a woman is encouraged to marry as many men as possible....

and when you ask the little mtus......

they will say.......

mimi ni Fatma.... babangu Mzembe....

another one will say ....

mimi ni Yasmin..... babangu Kajembe....

lakini mama wetu ni Kadja.....

I'm the real Massey F.....shut your mouth
I'm the real Massey Fergu...... Shut your mouth....
ngwono
#4 Posted : Monday, April 06, 2009 1:08:00 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 8/8/2008
Posts: 201
This one is tricky. They know the dad very well and once a while he pays them a visit. The only problem is that they cannot reconcile



Without Holiness no man shall see God.Dear God,mould me to be a vessel of honour at this End times,to remain Obedient to your Word in all situations.Amen!
Pierce
#5 Posted : Monday, April 06, 2009 1:16:00 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 3/16/2009
Posts: 1,464
Ngwono,

Please check your grammar
mukiha
#6 Posted : Monday, April 06, 2009 1:36:00 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 6/27/2008
Posts: 4,114
I believe you meant SURNAME.

In most African traditions,there is no surname!!! People are identified by their father's name...and when that is not known,then they can be identified by their mother's name.....do you remember Kuria wa Gathoni?

Now,this child that you refer to; her father is known,isn't he? Indeed,I suspect that his name appears on her birth certificate!!

In that case,there is no need of trying to drive a wedge between father and daughter...just because mother and father can't stand one another.

So advise your friend to simply give the daughter her rightful surname....the name of the father...

When the girl gets married,she can choose to either drop the father's name,or include it in a new 'double-barrel' surname......or even as a middle name
Nothing is real unless it can be named; nothing has value unless it can be sold; money is worthless unless you spend it.
Wendz
#7 Posted : Monday, April 06, 2009 1:39:00 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
Is the problem between the kids and their father or between her and the man? she shouldnt drag the kids in this. The question she is asking has an obvious answer... the kids have a father,so let her not use her domes with the husband to influence the children..... In any case,they will never stop being that man's kids no matter how much she hates him.... If she can separate her issues (her problem with the hubby vs kids and their fathers relationship) she may get her answer right there.

Some deals are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
ngwono
#8 Posted : Monday, April 06, 2009 1:40:00 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 8/8/2008
Posts: 201
@pearce

Thanks,i will


Without Holiness no man shall see God.Dear God,mould me to be a vessel of honour at this End times,to remain Obedient to your Word in all situations.Amen!
mukiha
#9 Posted : Monday, April 06, 2009 1:47:00 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 6/27/2008
Posts: 4,114
....and another thing: separation is different from divorce. You might be separated,but you still remain married!!!

What is the legal status of your friend?

If just physically separated,the father may have a right to demand that the child uses his name....
Nothing is real unless it can be named; nothing has value unless it can be sold; money is worthless unless you spend it.
wakiams
#10 Posted : Monday, April 06, 2009 2:23:00 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 10/29/2008
Posts: 3
@all,

i support the idea of the kids using their father's name,but what if he never supports them in any way for their upkeep. Does is it not mean he is not a proud father to his children?


Never give up. God is Faithful.
mukiha
#11 Posted : Tuesday, April 07, 2009 5:23:00 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 6/27/2008
Posts: 4,114
@wakiams: the use of a father's name is an unconditional right of every child! As long as the father is known,the child has the right to use his name. It is immaterial whether he provide support (financial,material emotional...etc) or not. This simple fact that he is known to be the father is all that matters.

Sometimes adults completely misunderstand the needs [and rights] of children.....that's why so many become 'baba na mama mkate'. They imagine that children place value on material things.

It is very important for a child to know who their father and mother are; even if the parents are absent. Imagine a child who is not able to answer the simple question like 'What ia your father's name?' Surely,how can you not know?
Nothing is real unless it can be named; nothing has value unless it can be sold; money is worthless unless you spend it.
Modoh
#12 Posted : Tuesday, April 07, 2009 5:43:00 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 12/9/2008
Posts: 43
Surname ni a child's birth right so please tell your friend to keep her emotions aside and do her child a rightful duty. ATTN: women,kindly keep emotions at bay when making rational decision!!!

Even the most radical revolutionlist become conservatives the day after the revolution!!!
Msafara wa mamba burukenge hawakosi![/b]
Vogue
#13 Posted : Tuesday, April 07, 2009 6:02:00 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 2/17/2009
Posts: 7
Advise her to use the father’s name. The child will come to respect her more when she grows up because she will realise her mother was not petty. Which surname is the child using currently?
ngwono
#14 Posted : Tuesday, April 07, 2009 9:57:00 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 8/8/2008
Posts: 201
Thanks a lot for your positive contribution. I have talked to the lady and she is very remorseful. She did not know that she was denying children their rights.

Unfortunately the first born has already registered for class 8 exams with her name and not the Father’s,but she said that she will have to explain to them and the first girl will have to change her name may be when sitting for KCSE

Once again,I say,thanks you to all



.


Without Holiness no man shall see God.Dear God,mould me to be a vessel of honour at this End times,to remain Obedient to your Word in all situations.Amen!
mukiha
#15 Posted : Tuesday, April 07, 2009 10:25:00 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 6/27/2008
Posts: 4,114
SK is great

You can get very good and mature advise here.
Nothing is real unless it can be named; nothing has value unless it can be sold; money is worthless unless you spend it.
wakiams
#16 Posted : Tuesday, April 07, 2009 10:33:00 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 10/29/2008
Posts: 3
@Mukiha

Thank you. I too can look at it differently now.


Never give up. God is Faithful.
leona
#17 Posted : Thursday, April 09, 2009 7:06:00 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 8/1/2008
Posts: 1,432
Location: Marsabit
Reading some posts makes it look as if it's 'wrong' or awkward to use your Mothers name...is it really? I know a lot of people who use their Mums name and honestly to me,it's no big deal. Remember Wanjiru the athlete? I wonder if he knows his dad or not.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't..
Nevermind what haters say, ignore them til they fade away - Just live your life
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