atiriri wrote:Personality vs. Character
To understand how the effects of sin are passed along from generation to generation, let’s look first at the difference between personality and character. Personality is what others see when they look at us. Character is who we really are when no one else is around. Although personality elements may be transmitted to our children or their children, character elements are certainly transmitted to them. They look at us—and see into us—in those moments when we think nobody is watching. This is how each of us learned from our parents and grandparents in our own family of origin. From our family, we learn about ourselves (our self-esteem), about others, and how to have relationships. We also learn important family values including: level of spirituality, attitudes toward money, attitudes toward personal health, communication style, conformity or nonconformity to what are considered normal behaviors in society, competition vs. cooperation between family members, level of honesty, and approach to education.
I think you are spot on Atiriri. I think children learn more from from watching their parents than from the instructions the same parents give them. Act right, be kind and just to your spouse and children and other people and your children will pick it up. Acting like a jerk to everyone around and then saying the wisest things to your children and expecting they will learn to be what you "teach" them to be may not be very wise.
Listen to your children. Listen carefully, attentively and curiously. Be interested in what and how they think and see the world. Ask them to explain and clarify. Have a conversation. Get to know them. If you are interested enough you will not only be the wiser for it but they may open a whole new world of seeing things for you that you may never have thought of before. Talk to your children, not only when you are telling them what to do but about your life and what you do. If you had an interesting day at work share the story with them. If you read something interesting, share it. Share your passion. If you love Arsenal or Man U or Chelsea watch the game with them and let them feel your passion. They might not be on the same side as you but they will know its OK to love something and be passionate about it. The passion may not just be in sports but in anything; stocks, politics, culture, movies, songs, real estate. If you are having a difficult problem let them know maybe not in all details but communicate it. Depending on their age and complexity of the problem you may also ask for their input. Encourage them to share what they think and tell you what they do. Some may talk more than others but they should all have a chance to be heard.
Let them know the rules of your house. Never punish without an explanation of the rule that has been transgressed. Be firm and just. Never issue empty threats. Love them and let them know you care for them.