Barman:Boss mazeh ile deni yako imefikisha mwaka.Sasa itakuwaje?

Mlevi:Sasa unataka tuiimbie happy birthday ama?

Mwalimu: "Wafula! Tunga sentensi ukitumia jina Tisaini (90)"

Wafula: "Angalia Wekesa ananiangalia na tisaini Gani"

An angry wife calls her husband on his cellphone. "Where the hell are you?" She demands. " Darling, he says, "u remember that jewellery shop where you saw that beautiful diamond necklace? Remember i didn't have money at the time and said it would be yours one day?" Immediately softening, his wife says, yes, I remember that, my love. "Well," her husband says, "i'm at the bar just next to that shop."

Several men are in the changing room of Kiambu golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping mall at UNEP and found this beautiful leather coat.

It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 model. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$70,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000" Its at Muthaiga,great gardens, overlooking the dense Karura forest.

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape...

He smiles and asks: "Does anyone know the owner of this phone?"

EVER LIE TO A SMART WOMAN

Man on phone: Honey I've been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get d promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We're leaving from office & I'll swing by the house to pick my things. Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pajamas!

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said

The following Weekend he came home a little tired but looking good

The wife welcomed him & asked if he caught many fish?

He said "Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish. But why didn't u pack my blue silk pajamas?"

You'll love the answer..!!

"I did.. They're in your fishing box!

Angry husband is not happy with his wife and sends a msg to his mother-in-law :- "YOUR PRODUCT IS NOT MATCHING MY REQUIREMENTS."
smart mother-in-law :- WARRANTY EXPIRED, MANUFACTURER IS NOT RESPONSIBLE AFTER SEAL IS BROKEN.".

1.F***ing once a week is good for your health but its harmful if done every day.
2.F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.
3.F***ing refreshes you.
4.After F***ing dont eat too much go for more liquids.
5.Try to do f***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholestrol level.
THIS MEANS..............................................................
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FASTING is good for your health
God bless your Dirty mind

But the seal might have been tampered with before the husband got the product.
Siku hizi kuna vijisabuni ambao hufanya mambo makumbwa.

C & P

Thamueli, a coffee-picker in Murang'a accompanies his wife to maternity hospital to deliver their first baby.

When the baby pops out, he notices the umbilical cord and shouts 'Ngai baba, nigoka na charger'