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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/2/2011 Posts: 4,818 Location: -1.2107, 36.8831
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SO YOU THINK YOU ARE CLEVER? C&P A lawyer in Charlotte, North Carolina purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim with the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires." But... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine. Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.” ― Rashi
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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C & P Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. ... God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely make love to you passionately whenever you desire." Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"God replied, "An arm and a leg." Adam thought briefly and asked, "What can I get for a rib?"The rest is history…... ... If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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Craziest Ever Football Commentary http://youtu.be/E3VfGQzHHukThe way I am
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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C & P I hope you girls can handle this one.....I am still on the floor. People have HUGE imaginations! Here goes the different categories of partners that men make... The if*** Default. This is the ultimate lay; one who drives you insane with pleasure every time he has a go at you. He is very rare and he is not for everyone. And if you have him, you have to work very hard to keep him because if you dont, he will be gone and chances are high you wont get another. Lab Technician He has been reading a lot of theory and he has finally landed on the lab. You. He will Endeavour to try out the most ridiculous styles on you. Don't be shocked if you find your left leg on the table, your right on the TV and one boob hanging off the chandelier. Just beware of this one. He may leave you with his name spelt all over your back. With hickies. The blow drier The moment the action begins, he starts panting like a Limuru donkey pulling a 200 litre drum full of water up the hill at Kinungi on two flat tyres. He can blow dry your hair and tan your face at one go. Woe unto you if he has even mildly foul breathe. At that level of panting, the breathe will smell like skunks are having a farting workshop in his mouth and you my dear, will be in the firing line. Dip stick You really dont know how to handle this one. He bugs you over and over and over again and when you finally give in, he just sort of "checks the oil-level" and gets out. Just like a dip stick. He just wants to get in and retires soon after having collected the required data. He is not impotent but he doesnt go for more than a minute or two before withdrawing. These are the type that leave you wondering whether there was something you did wrong or if something is physically wide wrong with you. Its not you honey, its them. Forget and move along. The stallion Graceful, strong and charming. He is hung like an Arabian horse and performs like one too. You knew from the day you saw him that he would blow you away. You craved for the day he'd come to your "town" for the local "race" and when he finally did, all your dreams were fulfilled. He came as a guest performer, blew your mind away and left you begging for more. He then of course moved on to perform at the next town and you will never see him again. The politician During the seduction, he promises heaven. He talks and talks in praise of the mystical lands and magical colors you will experience when you finally take him to bed. He may even throw in a jingle or two, a coin or two just to entice you. Until he gets to the promised land. That’s when you realize the 10-inch he was going on about was actually a lame three-and-a-half inch that bends downwards. KPLC A bastard this one. Just when things are getting interesting and you have actually started to enjoy the show, without warning, he goes off like a light. Bonga points redeemer He has done you favors a number of times, and he thus wants to redeem the points accrued. You know you owe and just dont know when he wants to redeem. As expected he will redeem at the worst possible time and take more than he deserves. He will also keep complaining about what he got from that day henceforth. Gone in 60 seconds. Smooth as a pickpocket this one. You have no idea where he came from, and chances are high he got your number way before you even knew a thing about him. You have no idea how he convinced you to go to his place or how you opened up your legs. You remember cuming but you don’t remember him going. And chances are high you will never see him again. The Chinese Worker He works hard; very hard. The mistake you made was starting him off. He will work you so hard that you may actually start praying to God to strike him with lightning just so he can stop. Chances are high that you will fall asleep at one point - but you know the chinese. They work even better when people are asleep. Therefore don't be surprised if you wake up with a highway where you left a path. Lost soul. Am sure all women hate this one. He has no idea what he is doing or where he is. He behaves like a person in a new town who compunded his problems by alighting at the wrong stage. You give directions but he still insists on running you through them again. "Umesema hapa ama hapa? Nyuma au mbele? Na nikifika mwisho nifanye nini? Niweke kwa mdomo au pua?" *Sigh* Annoying little pricks with annoying little pricks. City council worker He is a dirty talker and a little mild on the manners too. I call him City council worker because of his ability to clean. And not in a good way. He will lick every part of your body with his tongue, and just when you feel relieved that he is done, he will start rinsing you. If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/28/2006 Posts: 1,799
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Obama came to Kenya for an official OIL visit. While here, he was discussing with Kibaki one day on a balcony at State House. Suddenly, KPLC took light all over Nairobi . Obama provoked! He turned to Kibaki and said: "I thought you people were making progress in this ... country,now that you have oil, how come you still have power cuts? This is a big disgrace!" Kibaki was ashamed and angry, but couldn't say anything. He just kept fuming throughout the rest of Obama's visit as Lucy Fired Murungaru-Minister for Energy...via Sms. Six months later, Kibaki went to Washington to see Obama . After their discussion, in the Evening they went to the White House balcony to have some drinks and discuss. While they where there, Kibaki looked around the city and was surprised to see an area that was dark: there was a power cut in that part of town. Kibaki was happy! He shouted to Obama: "You came to my country and insulted me on our power system, see your own now? You people also have electricity shortage here in Washington ! Shame on you!! pumbavuu" Kibaki was very happy! Obama frowned, looked at the area very well, called one aide to ask him where that area was. The aide whispered in Obama 's ear, and Obama burst into laughter. He was laughing so hard that tears started rolling down his cheeks. Kibaki was puzzled. He asked Obama : "Are you okay?" Obama finally managed to stop laughing long enough to pointed to the dark area and say: "That's the Kenyan Embassy!!!!"
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 8/18/2011 Posts: 85
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chemos wrote:Obama came to Kenya for an official OIL visit. While
here, he was discussing with Kibaki one day on a
balcony at State House. Suddenly, KPLC took light all
over Nairobi . Obama provoked! He turned to Kibaki and said: "I
thought you people were making progress in this
... country,now that you have oil, how come you still
have power cuts? This is a big disgrace!" Kibaki was ashamed and angry, but couldn't say
anything. He just kept fuming throughout the rest
of Obama's visit as Lucy Fired Murungaru-Minister
for Energy...via Sms. Six months later, Kibaki went to Washington to see
Obama . After their discussion, in the Evening they went to
the White House balcony to have some drinks and
discuss. While they where there, Kibaki looked
around the city and was surprised to see an area
that was dark: there was a power cut in that part
of town. Kibaki was happy! He shouted to Obama: "You came to my country
and insulted me on our power system, see your
own now? You people also have electricity
shortage here in Washington ! Shame on you!!
pumbavuu" Kibaki was very happy! Obama frowned, looked at the area very well,
called one aide to ask him where that area was.
The aide whispered in Obama 's ear, and Obama
burst into laughter. He was laughing so hard that
tears started rolling down his cheeks. Kibaki was puzzled. He asked Obama : "Are you
okay?" Obama finally managed to stop laughing
long enough to pointed to the dark area and say: "That's the Kenyan Embassy!!!!"  Don't limit your challenges, but challenge your limits
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/24/2009 Posts: 200
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C & P
Research shows Kikuyus origin is Turkana.They lived in the area n used to cross lake Turkana but the boats were sinking yaani GUTURUKANA hence the name Turkana ......andu aitu ni tucoke muicii....
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/9/2009 Posts: 2,003
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/9/2009 Posts: 2,003
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 8/18/2011 Posts: 85
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 Don't limit your challenges, but challenge your limits
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea." "Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?"
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/2/2010 Posts: 480 Location: chokoo
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nostoppingthis wrote:A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea." "Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?" 
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 8/18/2011 Posts: 85
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C & P A man named njau has two sons, Ndegwa and gachau.How would you greet them all collectively ..........Muriega ng'ombe ici?. Don't limit your challenges, but challenge your limits
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/24/2009 Posts: 130
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gmimo wrote:C & P
Research shows Kikuyus origin is Turkana.They lived in the area n used to cross lake Turkana but the boats were sinking yaani GUTURUKANA hence the name Turkana ......andu aitu ni tucoke muicii....  i love the joke
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Rank: User Joined: 1/24/2012 Posts: 1,675 Location: In Da Hood
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/28/2006 Posts: 1,799
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/26/2008 Posts: 2,097
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 "Never regret, if its good, its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/30/2010 Posts: 241
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 from behind=child molestation infront=child abuse Mungu saidia Vitz!! ukiona choo kwa ndoto usiingie, ni mtego!
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/2/2010 Posts: 480 Location: chokoo
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C&P
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand ...now I'm afraid to pee!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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Nani huyu?  ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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