To what extent should grown-up children intervene in their parent's marriage when they have issues. Would you recommend divorce if things are not working out,especially when their is violence? Please help!!!

I will praise thee,O Lord my God,with all my heart: And I will glorify thy name forever more. Psalms 86:12

It might be hard especially since the parents have stayed together for so long. Is there a chance for dialogue? sometimes the kids can a meeting (reminds me of our kamukunjis) and talk to them about their concerns.

Of staying apart,the parents have to be willing to go separate ways.... its a hard decision to make for parents.... I know some parents who had separated and the kids went and carried clothes from where the mother was staying and took them back home... their mother was so annoyed and she carried them back... later,i think they thought about it and they reconciled.

Some deals are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

It is a particularly difficult situation. The child(ren) are naturally not happy when parents are ever queralling/fighting. Children cannot afford to burry their heads in the sand when all that is happening. They have to do something albeit discretely. Avoid taking your parents head-on.

May suggestion would be; Identify the aggressor then get his/her very close friend(s)/confidante. Talk to these people and and raise your concerns with them. Seek their guidance on the way forward. Let them sit the aggressor down in a neutral place and talk about this case. More often than not they will change. Do the same with the other party as well.

Do whatever you can for a peaceful resolution.


Chief

@Jacy
Thats a really tricky situation especially if the violence started when the kids are all grown up. I would suggest a brief separation coz sometimes time apart really brings some sense into such situations. Then,before the two get back together,some relas/friends/elders should be brought in to speak to both parties together and try to find the root of the problem. If the kids are mature enough,it always helps to hear both sides of the parents' woes to help them understand what is going on in the family and to avoid cases of the kids taking sides which tends to aggrevate the aggressor or violence victim in some cases.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't..

Man used to work,kept his woman well,now retired,no cash,can't afford to maintains wife's standard. Wife nags,man takes to drink,thumps missus each night out of inadequacy. Solution - you grown up children financially support your parents,make them comfortable,get the man a hobby i.e. School committee,Church leader,volunteer teacher. Usually wife has a hobby - cows,farm etc.

@ Jacy

Don't support a habit you don't agree with otherwise you are just raising a monester.Get to the root of the problem.What brought about the drinking?Has he been aggressive all along?When some men retire they are known to engage themselves in drinking with the pensions they get especially if he didn't plan himself well for old age.They feel they have lost contrrol now that they can't provide for the family. Get someone to talk to him with whom he can open up to and explain his worries and then you can keep him busy with a project that will generate income.This will make him happy as he doesn't have to go begging from his children for pocket money. No matter what happens please maintain respect for your parents.