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Rank: Member Joined: 3/29/2011 Posts: 102 Location: Nairobi,Kenya
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As we do,think,business lets have sense of humor************************************************** A REAL KIKUYU Njoroge buys a cow from Ole Bogani for Sh 20,000 and asks him to deliver it the next day. The next day Ole Bogani shows up at Njoroge's doorstep. " Sorry Njoroge but the cow died last night." "OK", says Njoroge, " Give me my money back". " Sorry, I have already spent it," said Ole Bongani. "Goodness gracious!.. iha ngombe?, bring me the dead cow," says Njoroge. "I'll know what to do". The next morning, the carcass is delivered to Njoroge. A fortnight later, Ole Bongani bumps into Njoroge and asks him what he did with the dead cow. "Oh, I entered a raffle for it to be won, and sold 150 tickets at Sh 500 each and made a profit of Sh 75,000 I just didn't tell anybody that the cow was dead". "But didn't people complain?" asks Ole Bongani in amazement. "Only the guy who won, so I gave him his Sh 500 back". One reason to say "Najivunia kuwa Mugikuyu" 
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/18/2010 Posts: 503 Location: Kenya
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/4/2008 Posts: 1,703
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nwamaina wrote:As we do,think,business lets have sense of humor************************************************** A REAL KIKUYU Njoroge buys a cow from Ole Bogani for Sh 20,000 and asks him to deliver it the next day. The next day Ole Bogani shows up at Njoroge's doorstep. " Sorry Njoroge but the cow died last night." "OK", says Njoroge, " Give me my money back". " Sorry, I have already spent it," said Ole Bongani. "Goodness gracious!.. iha ngombe?, bring me the dead cow," says Njoroge. "I'll know what to do". The next morning, the carcass is delivered to Njoroge. A fortnight later, Ole Bongani bumps into Njoroge and asks him what he did with the dead cow. "Oh, I entered a raffle for it to be won, and sold 150 tickets at Sh 500 each and made a profit of Sh 75,000 I just didn't tell anybody that the cow was dead". "But didn't people complain?" asks Ole Bongani in amazement. "Only the guy who won, so I gave him his Sh 500 back". One reason to say "Najivunia kuwa Mugikuyu"  Think Positive Test Negative
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/4/2008 Posts: 1,703
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nwamaina wrote:As we do,think,business lets have sense of humor************************************************** A REAL KIKUYU Njoroge buys a cow from Ole Bogani for Sh 20,000 and asks him to deliver it the next day. The next day Ole Bogani shows up at Njoroge's doorstep. " Sorry Njoroge but the cow died last night." "OK", says Njoroge, " Give me my money back". " Sorry, I have already spent it," said Ole Bongani. "Goodness gracious!.. iha ngombe?, bring me the dead cow," says Njoroge. "I'll know what to do". The next morning, the carcass is delivered to Njoroge. A fortnight later, Ole Bongani bumps into Njoroge and asks him what he did with the dead cow. "Oh, I entered a raffle for it to be won, and sold 150 tickets at Sh 500 each and made a profit of Sh 75,000 I just didn't tell anybody that the cow was dead". "But didn't people complain?" asks Ole Bongani in amazement. "Only the guy who won, so I gave him his Sh 500 back". One reason to say "Najivunia kuwa Mugikuyu" Think Positive Test Negative
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/20/2007 Posts: 4,432
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 Jose: If I make it through this thug life, I'll see you one day. The Lord is the only way to stop the hurt.
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/29/2011 Posts: 102 Location: Nairobi,Kenya
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ubject: KCPE COMPOSITION - Nyakemincha Primary Schhol
BEST COMPOSITION FROM NYAKEMINCHA PRIMARY SCHOOL – Minister Ongeri’s backyard
I was asleep. The jogoo shouted three times, I opened one eye and left the other to sleep abit. I was wishing I had slept with my uniforms putted on, but I realised if wishes were chickens beggars would been layin eggs. I woke up with only one eye open n and I was looking where the karai was put I wash my face. I found some cotton which I used to burn the jiko and cook a chai without milk called sturungi. I drank the sturungi haphazardy and hurriendily with a big piece of kiugali which had remained at night. I put on my uniforms and then I painted myself with fat and because there was no kiwi I had to paint my shoes with fat to.
I took a paperbag put books and biros then ran my everything, I beated the first corner hardly then as I was beatin the second corner I heard the school bell cry ncgririr nkngrirriririri nckgrrrirrrrr!!! I knew nimelate. When I reached the gate!! You dont want to know!! Mr Mogaka was standin at the gate with a big black nyahunyo. I was so afraid that I almost urinated. I was asked why are you late? I said makaa was poured with water at night teacher asked what has that to do with you coming to school late I told him the jiko was late to burn so it delayed cookin strong he said that is no excuse!!
Touch your toes!! I started to remove my shoes so I can touch the toes but he told me I just meant bend, he gave me the first nyahunyo on my buttocks,,hehe it was as hot as a boiling water, I dried that one, he gave me the second one pap!! This one was much hotter n started hearing to cry, when the third one was given to me I heard so much pain that I touched my buttocks, the teacher said you have erased that one!! I will have to give you another one!! When I was given the fourth nyahunyo, tears started getting out of my eyes uncontoullably,, the teacher said,
You removing tears for who!! I dont want to see even a smell of tear, ran to class and dont late tomorrow. My buttocks as I went to class were hearing as if sitting in a burning jiko.. I dried the tears because my classmate would laugh at me for crying.
When I entered class I walked slowly to my desk and when I tried to sit it was so pain I could not seet. So I seeted on air above my chair holding my desk. From that day I sweya I will never come to school late again even if the makaa was poured on water!!!.
Examiners comments:
This school should be turned into a tourist attraction. This is a classic case of a comedian in the making. I will refer this student to the African Center for Talented Individuals next to K1. No marks can be awarded as this will negate the whole idea of nurturing county talent.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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nwamaina wrote:ubject: KCPE COMPOSITION - Nyakemincha Primary Schhol
BEST COMPOSITION FROM NYAKEMINCHA PRIMARY SCHOOL – Minister Ongeri’s backyard
I was asleep. The jogoo shouted three times, I opened one eye and left the other to sleep abit. I was wishing I had slept with my uniforms putted on, but I realised if wishes were chickens beggars would been layin eggs. I woke up with only one eye open n and I was looking where the karai was put I wash my face. I found some cotton which I used to burn the jiko and cook a chai without milk called sturungi. I drank the sturungi haphazardy and hurriendily with a big piece of kiugali which had remained at night. I put on my uniforms and then I painted myself with fat and because there was no kiwi I had to paint my shoes with fat to.
I took a paperbag put books and biros then ran my everything, I beated the first corner hardly then as I was beatin the second corner I heard the school bell cry ncgririr nkngrirriririri nckgrrrirrrrr!!! I knew nimelate. When I reached the gate!! You dont want to know!! Mr Mogaka was standin at the gate with a big black nyahunyo. I was so afraid that I almost urinated. I was asked why are you late? I said makaa was poured with water at night teacher asked what has that to do with you coming to school late I told him the jiko was late to burn so it delayed cookin strong he said that is no excuse!!
Touch your toes!! I started to remove my shoes so I can touch the toes but he told me I just meant bend, he gave me the first nyahunyo on my buttocks,,hehe it was as hot as a boiling water, I dried that one, he gave me the second one pap!! This one was much hotter n started hearing to cry, when the third one was given to me I heard so much pain that I touched my buttocks, the teacher said you have erased that one!! I will have to give you another one!! When I was given the fourth nyahunyo, tears started getting out of my eyes uncontoullably,, the teacher said,
You removing tears for who!! I dont want to see even a smell of tear, ran to class and dont late tomorrow. My buttocks as I went to class were hearing as if sitting in a burning jiko.. I dried the tears because my classmate would laugh at me for crying.
When I entered class I walked slowly to my desk and when I tried to sit it was so pain I could not seet. So I seeted on air above my chair holding my desk. From that day I sweya I will never come to school late again even if the makaa was poured on water!!!.
Examiners comments:
This school should be turned into a tourist attraction. This is a classic case of a comedian in the making. I will refer this student to the African Center for Talented Individuals next to K1. No marks can be awarded as this will negate the whole idea of nurturing county talent.
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/10/2008 Posts: 9,131 Location: Kanjo
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nwamaina wrote:As we do,think,business lets have sense of humor************************************************** A REAL KIKUYU Njoroge buys a cow from Ole Bogani for Sh 20,000 and asks him to deliver it the next day. The next day Ole Bogani shows up at Njoroge's doorstep. " Sorry Njoroge but the cow died last night." "OK", says Njoroge, " Give me my money back". " Sorry, I have already spent it," said Ole Bongani. "Goodness gracious!.. iha ngombe?, bring me the dead cow," says Njoroge. "I'll know what to do". The next morning, the carcass is delivered to Njoroge. A fortnight later, Ole Bongani bumps into Njoroge and asks him what he did with the dead cow. "Oh, I entered a raffle for it to be won, and sold 150 tickets at Sh 500 each and made a profit of Sh 75,000 I just didn't tell anybody that the cow was dead". "But didn't people complain?" asks Ole Bongani in amazement. "Only the guy who won, so I gave him his Sh 500 back". One reason to say "Najivunia kuwa Mugikuyu"
this moved me to tearsi.am.back!!!!
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 7/22/2011 Posts: 1,325
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I read this and laughed till I cried!! Whoever wrote this piece has talent. I wonder if it was an actual KCPE candidate or the blogger, either way mad props. Lemme go finish drinking my sturungi haphazardly and a kiugali http://mtakavitu.wordpre.../best-kcpe-composition/
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/7/2007 Posts: 11,935 Location: Nairobi
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......bangi ya Emuhaya! Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/9/2010 Posts: 546 Location: Garissa
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Nabwire wrote:I read this and laughed till I cried!! Whoever wrote this piece has talent. I wonder if it was an actual KCPE candidate or the blogger, either way mad props. Lemme go finish drinking my sturungi haphazardly and a kiugali http://mtakavitu.wordpre.../best-kcpe-composition/
Wamaina got this before you. See JOKES ASIDE http://www.wazua.co.ke/f...&t=17195#post255932
Wisdom to detect when share prices hit rock bottom.
When interest on bonds keep going up, you know the bear run is on high street. When interest on bonds start leveling, the bear has met the bull and they have hit rock bottom. When the interest rates on bonds start coming down, the bull has overpowered the bear and you better be riding the bull.
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/9/2010 Posts: 546 Location: Garissa
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nwamaina wrote:ubject: KCPE COMPOSITION - Nyakemincha Primary Schhol
BEST COMPOSITION FROM NYAKEMINCHA PRIMARY SCHOOL – Minister Ongeri’s backyard
I was asleep. The jogoo shouted three times,
Examiners comments:
This school should be turned into a tourist attraction. This is a classic case of a comedian in the making. I will refer this student to the African Center for Talented Individuals next to K1. No marks can be awarded as this will negate the whole idea of nurturing county talent.
Wamaina, are you MTAKAVITU? Wisdom to detect when share prices hit rock bottom.
When interest on bonds keep going up, you know the bear run is on high street. When interest on bonds start leveling, the bear has met the bull and they have hit rock bottom. When the interest rates on bonds start coming down, the bull has overpowered the bear and you better be riding the bull.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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This is the 3rd time this is posted in wazua, guys can be really late!!! ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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McReggae wrote:This is the 3rd time this is posted in wazua, guys can be really late!!! Yeah, very late
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 7/22/2011 Posts: 1,325
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Lolest! wrote:McReggae wrote:This is the 3rd time this is posted in wazua, guys can be really late!!! Yeah, very late Gosh, maybe im just busy and dont troll Wazua every minute. Even if im late, its still funny, toodles!
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 7/22/2011 Posts: 1,325
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By the way Happy New year Guka wa bijuti (what the heck does bijuti mean?) Ngai akurathime!!!
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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Nabwire wrote:By the way Happy New year Guka wa bijuti (what the heck does bijuti mean?) Ngai akurathime!!! His real name is Mwangi, hence the need for an alias. bijuti must mean one of those vintage mashosA bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/27/2010 Posts: 262
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C & P After 2 Years Of Selfless Service, A Man Realized That He Has Not Been Promoted, No Transfer, No Salary Increase No Commendation And That The Company Is Not Doing Any Thing About It. So He Decided To Walk Up To His HR Manager One Morning And After Exchanging Greetings, He Told His HR Manager His Observation. The Boss Looked At Him, Laughed And Asked Him To Sit Down Saying. My Friend, You Have Not Worked Here For Even One Day. The Man Was Surprised To Hear This, But The Manager Went On To Explain. Manager:- How Many Days Are There In A Year? Man:- 365 Days And Some Times 366 Manager:- How Many Hours Make Up A Day? Man:- 24 Hours Manager:- How Long Do You Work In A Day? Man:- 8am To 4pm. I.E. 8 Hours A Day. Manager:- So, What Fraction Of The Day Do You Work In Hours? Man:- (He Did Some Arithmetic And Said 8/24 Hours I.E. 1/3(One Third) Manager:- That Is Nice Of You! What Is One-Third Of 366 Days? Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 In Days) Manager:- Do You Come To Work On Weekends? Man:- No Sir Manager:- How Many Days Are There In A Year That Are Weekends? Man:- 52 Saturdays And 52 Sundays Equals To 104 Days Manager:- Thanks For That.. If You Remove 104 Days From 122 Days, How Many Days Do You Now Have? Man:- 18 Days. Manager:- OK! I Do Give You 2 Weeks Sick Leave Every Year. Now Remove That14 Days From The 18 Days Left. How Many Days Do You Have Remaining? Man:- 4 Days Manager:- Do You Work On New Year Day? Man:- No Sir! Manager:- Do You Come To Work On Workers Day? Man:- No Sir! Manager:- So How Many Days Are Left? Man:- 2 Days Sir! Manager:- Do You Come To Work On The (National Holiday )? Man:- No Sir! Manager:- So How Many Days Are Left? Man:- 1 Day Sir! Manager:- Do You Work On Christmas Day? Man:- No Sir! Manager:- So How Many Days Are Left? Man:- None Sir! Manager:- So, What Are You Claiming? Man:- I Have Understood, Sir. I Did Not Realise That I Was Stealing Company Money All These Days. Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!! Have A Nice Day. HR = HIGH RISK Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today!
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 7/22/2011 Posts: 1,325
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StatMeister wrote:Nabwire wrote:By the way Happy New year Guka wa bijuti (what the heck does bijuti mean?) Ngai akurathime!!! His real name is Mwangi, hence the need for an alias. bijuti must mean one of those vintage mashos Sasa umemtoa rangi hivyo mbona? I thought about it, Bijuti must mean Peugeot pronounced the kyuk way, right?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
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Imagine a world without Luos???????
SAD...............
VERY SAD.................
READ ON .....................................
Doctor : What happened to your arm?
Oludhe : I broke it.
Doctor : Where and How did that happen?
Oludhe : Okey. It was a normal Saturday afternoon. I was on the second floor balcony of that my house in Karen, not the one in Lavington sip...
Doctor : Is that where you broke your arm,the balcony?
Oludhe : No! no ... I was sipping that my scotch whisky slowly... you know my son recently came from the UK and he brought me some blue label. Anyway... as I continued sipping, I realised that the sun's rays were not getting directly to me, as the satellite dish was blocking them. Before I could instruct the domestic engineer to automatically turn away the dish, my butler James came up the balcony and informed me that there was this call on my social cellular phone . I reminded him to always bring the cellular up instead of calling me. As I hurried down the marble escalator ...
Doctor : I guess that is when you...
Oludhe : No, as I was going down I noticed the garage door was open and a car alarm was on. I stopped to check and indeed the new model Prado was missing. I knew Mama Akinyi my beautiful second wife had taken it. Akinyi is our second daughter, now in Boston USA and is named after my late grand mother, who passed away in 1972 after a sort illness. I have always warned Mama Akinyi never to use the 4 by 4 on weekends, because of the recent spate of car-jackings. I always advise her to either use the Mercedes 230E or the BMW 325I which are not very attractive for thugs. That reminds me, I will have to tell my secretary to call "car-track " first thing on Monday – Yawa! I need to update my mobility inventory with them.So as I was saying....
Doctor : (With some laughter) Yes Mr Oluthe, car theft incidences are rising and it is becoming a dangerous place. But how did you break your arm?
Oludhe : Yes I was coming to that. On my way to pick the cell tel I heard a hissing sound. I stopped to check where it was coming from. Ahh, it was from the bathroom.. Mama Akinyi, for some reason, had left the Jacuzzi on. Luckily the temp and speed were at the minimum. I usually recommend such speed and temp so that we do not overload the UPS support system , especially when our son's home theatre system is on .
Doctor : Mr Olu...
Oludhe : Just wait... So I when I picked up the phone, I said Hello, Hello...Hello, but nothing. I became upset because I think the caller from state house had disconnected, I cant understand why he didn't leave a message after the beep.All my un-answered calls including the car mobiles are automatically redirected to a CAMS system. Doc, a CAMS is a "Central Answering Machine System ". Anyway, on my way back I did not notice the protruding wire from the satellite dish. I had on many occasions told MultiChoice to send in a qualified techni...
Doctor : ...is that where you tripped?
Oludhe : No, as I was avoiding the wire, I tripped on the Multichoice 250 channel decoder and fell on the 200 year old classical family piano..........
Doctor : Thank you. Such an expensive trip will cost you only 850.
Oludhe: hands over the money excitedly...)
Doctor : Not Kenya shillings, Dollars!
Oludhe : Aii....yawa.....then I shall write you a cheque drawn from my
overseas account with Fast Boston Bank Massachussets....you can not go
wrong on that one omera.
Pass it on and let a Luo be happy.
Forwarded stuff
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