" The following is a transcript of Arsenal manager Arsene "The Professor" Wenger's generous attempt to teach Harry how to send an email.
Wenger: OK, Harry. I've shown you how to turn the computer on and we've signed you up for a free email account. Now, we will try sending an email.
Redknapp: What's an email?
Wenger: It is like an electronic letter.
Redknapp: And the elves inside that picture piano deliver it to whoever you want?
Wenger: Well, there are no elves inside the computer, but yes, it will go to whoever you want.
Redknapp: What if I want to send something to Ted in Liverpool. Do them elves know how to get to Liverpool?
Wenger: There are no elves, Harry. None at all. But yes, you can send a message to anyone, anywhere in the world. Here, try typing one to me.
Redknapp: Right. How do you know which button is which?
Wenger: Just look at them. Each one has a letter, number or symbol on it. Press the ones you need.
Redknapp: Nice try, Arsene. But I ain't falling for that one. Them's all French letters. Where's the English ones?
Wenger: Those are English letters, Harry. Just type "Hello." That's all.
[Harry randomly presses all the keys as fast as he can]
Wenger: You just pressed random keys, Harry. That didn't spell any words.
Redknapp: Stupid computer. I'll sell you to Aston Villa, computer!
Wenger: It's an inanimate object, Harry. It can't hear you.
Redknapp: Them elves inside it can! I bet it's Jermain Defoe in there. He never listens.
Wenger: There are no elves! How do you possibly make it through the day?
Redknapp: My accountant. He writes all my checks, pays my bills. He runs my life. Looks like I'm going to need a new one with this tax mess I'm in, though.
Wenger: So you need someone to run all your finances, which you have absolutely no knowledge of?
Redknapp: Pretty much.
Wenger: I will spend your money for you. I mean...I will be your accountant.
Redknapp: That's triffic, Arsene! You're a top man.
Wenger: [laughs maniacally]
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.