Pse break it down. This one has flown over my head

C&P
Dont hang me if its a repeatition
CHIKU! weeee! never again try to bust a dr.

Posted by: jawbreaker88 on: December 16, 2011

* In: Uncategorized
* Comment!

AKINYI: hello, shiko i think my husband is cheating on me

SHIKO: why do u think so? whats his name and what does he do?

AKINYI: his name is Ombewa, he is a pharmacist at umoja and i found sweet messages in his phone from a lady called beatrice

SHIKO: ok lets find out if hes really cheating on u *ring ring….ri ng…ring*

OMBEWA: hallo.. .the digits being displayed on my android 2960 as incoming are foreign to my records, which assembly of co-joined alphabetical letters shall i embed to the person seeking my audience via the cellular?

SHIKO: hello mr. ombewa, my name is sharon from the safaricom shinda na milli promotions and i woud lo….

OMBEWA: pardon my interjection but substitute the prefix Mr. with “Dr.” b4 uttering my name as this will avoid confusion with other ombewa’s and appreciate the years i sacrificed in attaining that status. it is of paramount importance that i percieve this conversation to be channelled only in my direction.

SHIKO: ok dr. ombewa, im sharon from safaricom shinda na amilli and im pleased to inform u that u have won a vacation for two this weekend at mombasa..

OMBEWA: finally safaricom has recognised the reasoning behind their hug profit margins steming from the bulk calls i instigate for both local and international. i accord ur gesture with hospitality. .. SHIKO: ok so i would like the name and details of the person u will be taking to the trip OMBEWA: where they seek her name, just scribble the words “Dr. ombewa’s companion”

SHIKO: sorry sir, but we actually need a name

OMBEWA: Beatrice njeri

SHIKO: ok, thank u sir… i want u to talk to the show promoter so that she can give u the details for ur trip to coast *shiko connects akinyi*

AKINYI: ombewa wewe…huyooo beatrcice kwisakuwa nani?

OMBEWA: ur promoters vocal cords transmit sound in the replicas of my wifes tone. thats astounding

SHIKO: ombewa naitwa shiko, from classic 105..hii ni busted..

OMBEWA: u alerted me that u r sharon from safaricom, now shiko from classic 105. subjecting my experience in the field of pharmacetuals and doctorate to practice i can deduce that u are suffering from multi-personality dis- order. i can prescribe u some recomendable medications for ur ailments AKINYI:wewe ombewa kwisa-acha kutangatanga na maneno, ni mimi bibi yako akinyi ambayo wewe naangalia wasichana wengine nyuma yake

OMBEWA: akinyi, nyar-loka.. yawaa u achieved a job at safaricom as the promoter?..with ur education tht is remarkable

AKINYI: propaganda hawesi kusaidia sai, ambia mimi beatrcice kwisakuwa nani?

OMBEWA: akinyi yawaaa, beatrice is just patient i treated and this un-expecte d trip to mombasa was just an avenue to assist in her recuparation via therapy

AKINYI: hawesi danganya mimi kama mtoto, Unataka ata mimi nihanye sasa. si ni cha hivyo. si ni tit for tat

OMBEWA: yawaaa nyaber do not retaliate in that manner. i detar u to expose that which is matrimonially exclusive to my corneas

AKINYI: ata mimi apana taka wewe sasa….en da na hiyo ndogo ndogo yako na hapana rudi kwa nyumba yangu

OMBEWA: u cannot decree a personna non grata upon me as regards to my dwelling. i am the one who remunerates the landlord on a monthly basis

SHIKO: si uambie bibi yako beatrcice ni nani?

OMBEWA: first and foremost shiko this conversation is recorded on my state of the arts phone. my lawyer will comb the dialogue and sue u for impersonating a safaricom agent and causing me emotional discomfort by instigating deception upon my intellect that i have won trip to mombasa

AKINYI: ambia hiyo loya’ yako aanze kutengenezea wewe karatasi ya divos. mimi akuna mahali napelekana na wewe. wewe naesa letea mimi hayaki

SHIKO: ombewa dont u think that u shuld apologise to ur wife

OMBEWA: cease this dialogue b4 i enforce another suit against u for diminishing the voltage in my android via this misplaced conversation

AKINYI: yaani wewe bado narusa vitisho na wewe kwisasikwa na suruali chini?

OMBEWA: akinyi depart from my dwelling. you ignite cerebral discomfort everytime u spark arguments with my intellect. profits has eluded my pharmacetual business from the fact that i divert most of the medications to treat the never ending head-aches u inflict on me. i used to think that u were my missing rib that i finnaly found only to realise in the end that i ended up with OKIYA OMUTATA’S missing fibula. please go… go and locate your tibia .

i just found this funny

And proceeds back to the car and comes with a loaded ceska!

deleted....repeat post

And a couple of days later, he sends to wifey an emissary with chocolates,perfumes,lingerie and harpic to silence her.

Childbirth

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a three-year old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed three-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack him again".

Ujinga ni kuitwa Uhuru and you have a case to answer.

BEST COMPOSITION FROM NYAKEMINCHA PRIMARY SCHOOL (KISII)-LAST SCHOOL KCPE 2011


I was asleep. The jogoo shouted three times, I opened one eye and left the other to sleep abit. I was wishing I had slept with my uniforms putted on, but I realised if wishes were chickens beggars would been layin eggs. I woke up with only one eye open n and I was looking where the karai was put I wash my face. I found some cotton which I used to burn the jiko and cook a chai without milk called sturungi. I drank the sturungi haphazardy and hurriendily with a big piece of kiugali which had remained at night. I put on my uniforms and then I painted myself with fat and because there was no kiwi I had to paint my shoes with fat to.



I took a paperbag put books and biros then ran my everything, I beated the first corner hardly then as I was beatin the second corner I heard the school bell cry ncgririr nkngrirriririri nckgrrrirrrrr!!! I knew nimelate. When I reached the gate!! You don't want to know!! Mr Mogaka was standin at the gate with a big black nyahunyo. I was so afraid that I almost urinated. I was asked "why are you late? I said " makaa was poured with water at night" teacher asked " what has that to do with you coming to school late" I told him " the jiko was late to burn so it delayed cookin strong' he said that is no excuse!!





Touch your toes!! I started to remove my shoes so I can touch the toes but he told me I just meant bend, he gave me the first nyahunyo on my buttocks,,hehe it was as hot as a boiling water, I dried that one, he gave me the second one pap!! This one was much hotter n started hearing to cry, when the third one was given to me I heard so much pain that I touched my buttocks, the teacher said " you have erased that one!! I will have to give you another one!! When I was given the fourth nyahunyo, tears started getting out of my eyes uncontoullably,, the teacher said,"



You removing tears for who!! I don't want to see even a smell of tear, ran to class and don't late tomorrow. My buttocks as I went to class were hearing as if sitting in a burning jiko.. I dried the tears because my classmate would laugh at me for crying.



When I entered class I walked slowly to my desk and when I tried to sit it was so pain I could not seet. So I seeted on air above my chair holding my desk. From that day I sweya I will never come to school late again even if the makaa was poured on water!!!.