The 7 Habits of Man & Woman


Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.


Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

Names as they appear in Kibaki's phonebook

Lucy nyina wa Jimmy
Kiraitu wa Maguta;
Miguna Manegene
Ruto wa Mbembe;
Raila Sumbua;
Mutunga tumindira
Baraza Murathani
Kiraithe wa Maheni;
Nyong'o Materu;
Atwoli Migomo
Khalwale Muceneneko;
Kajwang wa Ibande
Wanjiru Muhunjia;
Kalonzo kigeugeu
Iteere Muthigari;
Mwau matawa
Sonko Kaguruki
Murugi karuti nguo;
Karua gecafuni
Michuki prefect;
Mututho yokozuna
Uhuru mathigara
Wamboi plan B
Orengo Syokimau
Macharia wa ma redio
Marende ma-order
Lumumba wa ciugo

C&P
The Top 14 Biblical Ways To Get A Wife

1.) Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2.) Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)
...
3.) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.- Moses (Ex 2:16-21)

4.) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

5.) Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

6.) Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you.- Adam (Gen 2:19-24)

7.) Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8.) Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

9.) Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

10.) When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-)

11.) Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). - David (2 Samuel 11)

12.) Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onana and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

Lady 1: I think my husband is cheating on me.
Lady 2: How did you conclude that?
Lady 1: Yesterday he said that he was with John last night for a party. But I was with John last night in his house.

Watu wame fyatukiwa kabisa:
Teacher: can you name one animal that lives both in water and on land.
Wanjala: frog
Teacher: good boy can you trll me another one.
Wanjala: another frog.

Kibaki employes a computer teacher to teach him packages. during exam time, he is asked...how can you transfer a word document from one computer to the other " Kibaki replies " You open the world document, select all, click copy..remove the mouse from the computer, put it on the other computer, open word document, then click paste!

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM I would have given him 102%... Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage Q5. What is ...the main reason for failure? * exams Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night. Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.. Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already built. Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.