Q : Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
A : Telephone,Television,Tell-a-woman

James enters a store that sell curtains.

He tells the salesman,'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.'

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns,but James seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally,he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

James replies,'Fifteen inches.'

'Fifteen inches?' asked the salesman. 'That sounds very small,what room are they for?'

James tells him that they aren't for a room,they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies,'But,sir,computers do not have curtains!'

James says,'Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!'

Santa is talking to Banta about married life.

'You know,' he says,'I really trust my wife,and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt.'

Banta says,'Yeah,I know what you mean.'

A couple of weeks later Santa has to go out of town on a business tour. Before he goes,he gets together with Banta.

'While I'm away,could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean,I trust my wife but there's always that doubt.'

Banta agrees to help out,and Santa leaves.

Two weeks later he comes back and meets Banta,'So did anything happen?'

'I have some bad news for you,' says Banta.

'The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later,after dark,the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on,so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt and then.... they turned off the light.'

'Then what happened?' says Santa.

'I don't know. It was too dark to see.'

'Damn,you see what I mean? There's always that doubt.'

Girl to doctor : I have taken an i pill by mistake. Now what should i do ?

Doctor : Get your self f***ed within 72 hours,otherwise the tablet will not work.