SOME NEW JOKES.......

An arab man in a bar notices a lone,sexy girl. He sends her the most expensive bottle of wine. She looks at the wine send him a note : 'for me to accept this bottle,you need to 'have a mercedes in your garage,a million $ in your bank account & 7 inches in your pants.

He replies. ' I have 4 mercedes,I have over 20 million in the bank,but....just for your pussy i will not cut off the 3 extra inches. MAY I HAVE MY BOTTLE BACK.

Peter hoisted his beer and said,
'Here's to spending the rest of my life,between the legs of my wife!!'
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife,Mary,
'I won the prize for the best toast of the night.'
She asked,
'What was your toast?'
Peter said,
'Here ' s to spending the rest of my life,sitting in church
beside my wife.'
'Oh,that is very nice indeed,Peter !' Mary said.
The next day,Mary ran into one of Peter ' s drinking buddies on the
street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and
said,
'Peter won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast aboutyou,Mary.'
She said,
'I know. He told me,and I was a bit surprised myself. You know,he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep,and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come! '

face your fears live your dreams...

Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?A. He thought Barry sounded too American.

Q. Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?A. Because Carter doesn’t want to be the worst President in history.

3 nuns die in a car crash and they go up to heaven and Peters at the gate and he says before you come in i'm afraid you will have to answer a question so he says to the first nun don't worry the questions are very easy so he asks what was the name of the first woman and she says Eve and he says yep your in then he says to the second nun where did eve live and she says Garden of eden and he said yep your in then he says to the third nun which was the mother superior i'm affraid the question is going to have to be a bit harder for you so he asks what did Eve say when she first saw Adam and the nun says ooh thats a hard one and peter says yep your in.

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night,when behind him he hears : BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...
Walking fast,he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...
Terrified,the man begins to run toward his home,the casket bouncing quickly behind him...FASTER...FASTER...BUMP...BUMP...
He runs up to his door,fumbles with his keys,opens the door,rushes in,slams and locks the door behind him.
However,the casket crashes through his door,with the lid of the casket clapping...
Clappity-BUMP...Clappity-BUMP...
on his heels as the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom,he locks himself in. His heart is pounding,his head is reeling,his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something,anything! but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate,he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and
.........
......
...
...
....the coffin stops

The problem with equality is that we desire that it be with those that have more than us rather that those that have less

A criminal broke into a house. Tied husband and wife,kissed wifes ear n went into the washroom. Husband to his wife,'satisfy him or he will kill us,be strong,i love u! ' . Wife said,' he dint kissed me'. He said he is a gay n he needs vaseline. I said its in the washroom. So u be strong. I love you too........

Man asks a very sexy waitress in a hotel. Whats your name ?

Girl. RADO sir.

Man : Lovely name. Any relation with RADO watch ?

Girl : Yes sir,same price

Julia : why have you increased the speed of the car ?

John: Break has failed. We should reach home before accident.

Women life is very hard. Morning wash clothes,noon dry clothes,evening iron clothes,night remove clothes,late midnight search clothes.